Many people might call me a loser. Even though I don't have many negative attributes, I just haven't been able to really get what I want out of life. This blog is a means of helping me figure out what things went wrong and how they went wrong, but will not offer any solutions on how I can fix my problems. There will be no epiphanies here. I am trying to take a light-hearted look at my life, despite the many dark areas.
Friday, August 31, 2018
Tomorrow I will be 54
You're probably glad to see that the blog is finally up and running again. I'm glad, too. I hope that I can pound out a few more stories before my workload catches up with me. Fortunately, I haven't had any major life changes in the last few months.
Yes, I have my next birthday tomorrow. I will now only be one year from being considered a senior citizen as far as some restaurants and movie theatres go. I will also qualify for AARP. I have to tell you, I don't feel that old at all. That's one of the things that no one ever tells you. When you get older, you never feel like you really are. You feel like time is standing still for you while everything else is changing around you. But you know you are pretty much the same person you were 40 years earlier. And another thing: The dreams you've had about what you want to accomplish in life. They never really go away. You still want to do them, but reality may be an obstacle in many cases. However, you don't completely forget them.
I remember, as a child, spending a lot of time with my parent's aunts and uncles, who were in their 50s and beyond. To me, they looked and acted their age. But even though I have reached that same age, I don't feel like I am at that level of adulthood yet. Even though I am a parent, I am still a child. Did my parents ever feel this way while their parents were alive?
There are several factors that lead to this thinking. The first is that I didn't get married and have a child until I was in my 40s. My relatives and parents accomplished this in their 20s or earlier. I also didn't have the responsibility of my own home until I was nearly 50 years old. From my perspective, accomplishing these things at an early age could make someone seem significantly older. But I do wonder if children between the ages of 6 and 18 see me the same way I saw my older relatives back then.
When I was 28, I met an 18-year-old man. When he learned my age, he asked, "Shouldn't you own a house by now?" Yeah, I felt old and worthless at that point.
A goal early in my life was to live to be 100 years old. While I might not make it, it's nice to know that I'm more than half-way there.