Ring Zone #1: Retz

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I first met Retz in my Beginning Acting class the first day of college. My friends Chud and Kird were also in this class. She had long, curly brunette hair and a big, toothy smile. She was REALLY cute.

Once during class, Ms. C had us pair up for a little improvisational project. I asked her to be my partner and she agreed. The project involved us having to "mold" each other into certain body positions. Retz was wearing shorts that day, so that meant I got to put my hands on her bare legs. And then she got to put her hands on me. I enjoyed this project very much.

The day arrived that I had gathered up the courage to ask her out after class. That day, Ms. C separated us into groups of four. She and I were in the same group. (I think I positioned myself to be in her group on purpose.) Before we got into our project, the other guy in the group asked Retz, "So, how long have you been married?" "Oh, almost a year," she replied. My jaw hit the floor, but I don't think anyone noticed. I don't even remember what happened the rest of the class. There was so much going through my mind, like how I could have majorly embarrassed myself by asking her out. I was really glad to find out that way, but I was a basket case for several hours.

A thought had occurred to me soon afterward that she had somehow set that up. I thought I was making vague overtures toward her, and they may have turned out to be really obvious. I actually believed she knew what was about to happen and didn't want me to feel humiliated, so she had that other guy ask that question if I came anywhere near her. I know that's far-fetched, but I still cannot get over that timing.

I learned a hard lesson that day. I had to remind myself that I was in school with a bunch of adults, a lot of whom might be married to someone else. In high school, it was easy to figure out who the married girls were. They were all pregnant.

I steered clear of her the remainder of the year, but it would drive me nuts when we happened to run into each other elsewhere on campus. She would see me, smile and tell me hi. My heart would melt.

The next semester, I got College Roommate #2, Jad (whom I will go into more detail about in a couple of days). He went to Cibola High School in Albuquerque, from which he graduated in 1982. He brought a couple of his school yearbooks. I looked through them. I saw that he had gone to the same school as Toilethead and was in the Theatre program with him.

I looked through the photos of the seniors from his sophomore year. I saw a photo of Retz. Gasp! She graduated in 1980! That meant she was two years older than me! I thought we were the same age. And it also showed that her maiden name was Hispanic. I didn't know that might have been her ancestry. The yearbook also showed her husband was in her graduating class. It was a guy whom I had seen around campus from time to time, but I had no idea he was her husband.

You probably think I'd be able to go through the remainder of my college experience without ever having to deal with her again. That's what I thought. We're both wrong. During the Fall 1983 semester, she was in the Intermediate Acting class with me, Chud, Kird, Lorz, Pad, Scod and a lot of other students I'm never going to write about. A few weeks in, Dr. R chose our acting partners. He put Retz and me together. There was a part of me that was kind of happy about it, but I knew I wasn't going to enjoy it as much as getting to touch her legs.

The next day, some of us Acting students were in the Theatre lobby talking about our partners. Pad asked me who I was teamed up with. I said, "Retz." "Who's that?" "You know, that girl with the long brown hair." Pad's eyes widened and he said, "Hey! She's sexy!" Toilethead, who was in the lobby at the time said, "Hey! She's married! Her husband's in my fraternity." Pad's jaw dropped just like mine.

However, it appeared that Pad was not as easily dissuaded as I was. At some point, I thought I heard him say something to the effect that he was going to attempt to score with Retz. He actually took some steps toward that. Retz, Pad and I were involved in the Theatre fraternity's Evening of One Acts that semester. One of the directors videotaped the dress rehearsal and a few of us went over to his house to watch it. Pad didn't have a car, so he asked Retz to drive him over. After the play with them was over (which was first on the tape), she drove him home. I never heard what happened after that, but it's fun to imagine her kicking him out of the car (which she could totally do, as she had a black belt in martial arts and Pad was rather scrawny for a guy).

Retz and I rehearsed and did our scene for Acting class. It was an excerpt from "The Tempest." I played Prospero and she played the daughter Miranda. We decided to kind of do costumes for our presentation. She had a gold-colored gown that she wore at her high school graduation. I wore that onstage.

Because of some problems with Dr. R communicating the parameters of what we were supposed to do with our scenes, everyone in the class had to work on just the one scene the entire semester. Intermediate Acting classes in previous years did at least two scenes. One of the other students expressed great displeasure with this arrangement because he said there were other students he would have liked to have worked with. I got the idea he was talking about Retz.

The next semester, Retz and I were in the cast for "The King and I." I played a priest and she was the lead dancer in the "Uncle Tom's Cabin" sequence. We didn't really get to interact much because she was only in that one sequence.

After that, I don't remember ever seeing her again. She and her husband may have graduated in 1984.

I do have the current information on her. She is now a teacher at the same high school she graduated from. Her husband is the head football coach at West Mesa High School. I wonder what things are like around that house when those two schools have to play each other.

They have been married 33 years. I guess I really didn't have a chance with her, but on the bright side, neither did Pad.