Going Down in The Flame

For most of the time I lived in San Diego, I was aware of "The Flame," a lesbian bar near the intersection of Park Blvd. and University Ave. As I had acknowledged before, I had a fascination with lesbians. However, I knew that I could never walk in there all by myself. I didn't want to be seen as one of "those guys" who hope to hook up with someone not attracted to his gender. (But goodness knows I attempted to do this before.)

One Saturday, Fraz and I had planned to go see Angelic perform music at the Hazard Center that night. She asked me if I wanted to go with her to hang out at the Flame beforehand. Yes, I was very much interested.

We got there early in the evening. There weren't a lot of people there. I was somewhat surprised at the interior. All the walls were painted black and it was kind of dark. It almost didn't feel like a lively atmosphere. (As more people arrived, that would change.) However, the people who were there at the time were grouped together and seemed to be having positive discussions. I did my best to look casual and avoid any appearance that I might have been staring.

Fraz and I took seats at the bar since it seemed like all the booths and tables were occupied and we didn't know anyone there. Fraz ordered some kind of alcoholic drink. I just ordered a Coke. Fraz started a kind of open conversation with a couple of other women sitting a few feet away from us at opposite sides of the bar.

For both of these women, it was their first time going inside a lesbian bar. They were both in their 30s, married to men and wanted to explore some feelings they had regarding their sexuality. They didn't know each other before.

One of them I'll refer to as "Alice." This was the name she gave, but I don't think it was her real name (which is why I'm using an actual name). She made a reference to being "Alice in Wonderland." She was from out of town on a business trip. She had discussed the possibility she was attracted to women with her husband. He said he didn't have a problem with her seeing what it was like to be with a woman. I asked if he was thinking about the possiblity of a threesome. She said, "No, he told me there was no point in being with two women who didn't like what he was doing."

The other I'll call Suld. She came to The Flame because her husband was out of town. She appeared to be very cautious about getting to know anyone. However, the four of us kind of grouped together at the bar and Fraz was more than happy to discuss her experiences (without getting into a lot of graphic detail).

During the next couple of hours, some women would stop by and talk to Fraz, Alice and Suld. They appeared to be very engaged as the conversations opened up. There was this one woman named Sterd. She acted rather masculine and outgoing. She was almost like a guy coming in trying to pick up on women. She said she was 50 years old, but she really didn't look it. She had a really good tan and I thought that if she was really that old, her skin should be showing more signs of age if she was spending that much time out in the sun. (However, I have since gotten to know a lot of people in their 50s who managed to escape the obvious signs they had been around a while.)

Fraz suggested that the four of us go to the Hazard Center together to see Angelic's show, since she was a lesbian. Suld rode with me and Fraz while Alice took her own car and followed us. (And I don't recall if Alice had any alcohol.) We managed to not lose her. The performance was held outdoors on the plaza and we were able to find a table to sit at. After the show, Angelic came over and sat with us. After she left, Alice talked about being approached by Sterd. She said she wasn't attracted to her, but when Sterd ran her hand up and down her arm, she found that she enjoyed that feeling.

We drove back to The Flame. Alice mingled around. Suld ordered a drink and was sitting next to me at the bar. She asked me a few general questions about myself. I recalled getting a close look at Suld's mouth. Her teeth had these dark areas next to the gum line. I remember thinking that she was presentable, but probably used to be very pretty. She then asked to give me a massage. I thought this was kind of weird and was wondering if she was hitting on me. I mean, I enjoyed the massage, but I knew it wasn't going to go any further than that. I wasn't desperate enough to hook up with a drunk married woman who wasn't sure about what she wanted to do while her husband was away.

Later a tall, butch woman came by and started talking to Fraz and Suld. (By this time, I had completely lost track of Alice. I never saw her again.) This woman was on the skinny side, but said she worked as a security guard someplace in town. (I'm just going to call her Guard.) Fraz and Suld seemed really taken with Guard. I tried not to pay much attention to what they were talking about and focused on watching the TV with closed-captioning. (It was the VH-1 documentary about TLC.) I later turned around and saw Fraz and Suld move in to kiss each other. Guard was standing there and had a big smile on her face, like she had coordinated that. This was the only time I'd ever seen Fraz kiss another woman. (Or for that matter, anyone.) I know I kept on watching that happen and didn't seem to care if anyone could see how wide my eyes were.

Before I knew it, it was 2am and we had to leave The Flame. Suld and Guard started walking south on Park Blvd. They were arm in arm. Fraz was walking right behind them shouting and trying to find out where they were going. The next thing I knew, a very attractive tall blonde woman grabbed Fraz by the arm. I thought, "Wow! The lesbians just start picking anybody up at the end of the night!" But she was actually one of the noise enforcers for the apartment building next door. She just wanted to tell Fran that everyone needed to keep the sound level down when leaving because it disturbed the residents who lived there.

Fraz asked her if she was a lesbian. "No, I'm just here to try to keep everyone quiet while they leave the bar." Fraz was rather disappointed. She thought she was leveling up from Suld and Guard.

(And I have to go off on a tangent here: The people who move into this apartment building have to be aware they're living next to a popular bar and that there's going to be a lot of noise every night at 2am. There really should be no need for people who don't live there to hush the crowd. The patrons are going to make noise no matter what and I can't imagine telling everyone to be quiet is going to make that much of a difference. In fact, the people yelling "Be quiet!" were probably louder than the rest of the crowd.)

We didn't see where Suld and Guard went after that. After we found my car, Fraz told me that if that woman hadn't grabbed her, she would have gone with Suld and Guard. Fraz also told me that when I had gone to the bathroom while I was at the Hazard Center, both Alice and Suld asked about me and Fraz' relationship with me. They wondered if I was gay and if that was why I was at a lesbian bar. I get the idea she didn't exactly deny that.

Within the next week, Fraz had heard about something interesting that happened. After spending the night with Guard, Suld wanted to leave her husband. She wanted to be with Guard. But Guard wasn't looking for a relationship. Suld still wanted to leave her husband.

Fraz and I went to The Flame again the next Saturday. It wasn't quite as big an adventure, but we did run into Guard. She actually went with us to check out some live music at Twigg's Coffee Shop up the street. The inside was packed, so we hung around outside. Guard was telling me that she wasn't looking into commitments, especially with Suld. She just wanted a good time. Then she made reference to how she had other clients. (What? She was a professional lesbian?) I didn't probe further about that. We all drove back to The Flame later. I don't recall Fraz and I sticking around as long that night.

The Flame closed years ago. They've been trying to redevelop the area into an apartment building.

So, we never saw Alice, Suld or Guard again. But that was a night that appeared to change a lot of lives.