So this would be my final year to accomplish anything of note before going off into the real world. I had the same high expectations that I had when I was a senior in high school and I wound up with the same results: Utter disappointment and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it.
One thing that was different for the department this year was that they implemented the Rehearsal and Performance class, which would allow students to get credit for being in the productions. In order for students to know if they were going to get credit, they would have to be cast first. This meant that the two mainstage shows would have to be cast at the beginning of the semester. The two shows we were doing were "Wait Until Dark," directed by Dr. W and "The Beaux' Stratagem," directed by Dr. R. As it turned out, the initial casts of the two shows did not share actors.
I was the only actual senior present at the cattle call. (Chud was still at his summer internship.) Dr. R put me in charge of having those who were auditioning sign in. This was a good opportunity to meet the new people. Some were freshmen and some were juniors who had come from community college. Everyone was required to perform a monologue for the directors. No one else was permitted to sit in the auditorium. I was able to peek in from time to time because I was the guy in charge and I had to see when the actor was finished before sending in the next one. None of the new people did really terrible during their auditions. That worried me.
Both directors posted their callbacks. I did not make the callback for "Dark," but I was on the list for "Stratagem." The weird thing is that I don't remember what happened during the callback. I did get cast as Hounslow, but my role only had two lines. They were actually one and a half lines, because I had to speak a line in unison with the peer character Bagshot. Bagshot was played by a freshman. Again, my character did not appear until Act Two.
However, one challenging thing about the role is that it involved me and Bagshot to get into a swordfight with the two main characters. When we started practicing the combat techniques for the scene, Dr. R told me that if he had been aware that my character was going to do swordfighting, he wouldn't have cast me. That stunned me. I felt so unworthy as an actor at that point. As it turned out, I was able to perform the swordfighting very well and Dr. R never complained.
Early in the rehearsals, I noticed that there was a non-speaking role that had not been cast. The character was supposed to move some luggage around during the first act. I started trying to fill in that slot when the scene was being rehearsed. I had hoped that Dr. R was going to have me do that role. But he never asked me and I just figured he wasn't going to utilize that character. But when we started rehearsing the entire show, I noticed that the actor playing Bagshot was playing that part. I now felt completely worthless and that I had just wasted my college education. And the thing that really got me is that, this time, I had made efforts to get that part by putting myself in there during rehearsals, like I should have done during "Mother Courage" the year before.
I just sat there and contemplated all the work that I had put into the department during the last three years. I realized that no one respected my abilities as an artist. I was almost never asked to be a part of directing projects or senior recitals. But everyone wanted me to do the tech on their stuff. I truly felt like a loser, and I couldn't do anything to change it.
I was so frustrated that when I was filling out my bio for the show, I wrote, "MY INVOLVEMENT IN THIS DEPARTMENT FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS HAS BEEN COMPLETELY WASTED!" I was actually expecting someone to come up and talk to me about that, but no one ever did. They really didn't care how I felt.
For the Evening of One Acts that year, we presented "Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You" and "The Actor's Nightmare." They were directed by the dance instructor and I was cast as Henry in the second play. I did a bit as Horatio in "Hamlet" during the play. However, the last line I still had to memorize was this short speech. I had the line cut out on a piece of paper and pulled it out during rehearsal. The director thought it looked so funny that she had me do that in the performance. I really didn't want to do that because it made me look like I was unable to learn my lines, but I had to go along with it.
For the spring semester, we did the musical "Anything Goes," directed by Dr. R and an adaptation of "Alice in Wonderland," directed by Ms. F. Again, we auditioned for both directors. I got called back for "Anything Goes." We did readings from the script. I already knew I was not getting any of the lead roles. However, Dr. R had me read for the role of Moonface Martin. As it turned out, he didn't ask anyone else to read for that part. Other actors had to request to read that scene. I actually felt pretty good about that. Unfortunately, I did not get cast in that part. I was assigned to be the Steward. I was somewhat let down, but when I got the script, I noticed I had 35 lines! This was my largest role since "Deathtrap!"
And then I was also cast in "Alice." (I guess Ms. F didn't hold anything against me from "Earnest" the year before.) Ms. F only actually cast one role, the part of Alice. The other members would be playing other various roles and she would determine who would play what throughout the rehearsal process. This was discussed during our first get together. It wasn't an actual rehearsal or readthrough. She just wanted to meet with the cast before the actual rehearsals started after "Anything Goes" was finished.
This all took place during the first couple of weeks of the semester. During that time, the Program Director at the radio station I was working at quit and I was asked to work the overnight shift full time. I immediately pulled out of a bunch of classes I was taking and kept only the ones needed for my degree plan. I went to Ms. F and told her I needed to withdraw from the "Alice" cast. Since I still had my recital to perform, I knew I couldn't spend very much time on the production. She understood. I felt bad about it, but I did stay with "Anything Goes."
And quitting "Alice" turned out to be a good thing. When I watched a dress rehearsal, it came out like a disorganized mess. If it was just Alice and one other character on the stage, it was really enjoyable. But when the entire ensemble was present, everybody acted all at once like they were trying to steal the show. I'd also heard about some actual physical abuse that took place during rehearsals, and they were planned to look like accidents. I was glad I ended my college mainstage experience with "Anything Goes."
So the last actual thing to do was my recital. I've mentioned earlier that Chud and I combined our recitals and would alternate pieces with us doing a couple of segments together. But there was a strange occurence that happened. Chud and I needed to discuss the recital with Dr. R one day. We went up to him in his office. He GROWLED at us that we needed to make an appointment and that he didn't have any time that day. It's scary when Dr. R growls. We scheduled a slot for the next day. Later that night, Chud came to my dorm room and told me that Dr. R had a heart attack and he had to drive him to the hospital. Chud went on to say that when we had seen him earlier that day, he was experiencing the heart attack right then and there and was trying to ignore it.
Dr. R did not do any more teaching for the rest of the semester. The next time we saw him was at our recital. We were both glad to see him there. He said there was no way he was going to miss it. I got to meet with both Dr. R and Dr. W separately for a post mortem of the recital. The funny thing was that they each liked different parts of the recital. Chud and I had done this skit that was a put-down of some of the students in the Theatre Department. Dr. W thought it was clever. Dr. R disliked it because he thought it was mean. As for the final scene Chud and I did from "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" Dr. R said it was the closest to real acting he had ever seen me do. (I'm not certain if that was a real compliment.) Dr. W wasn't very impressed with it.
Any time I look back at my college theatre experience and start feeling bitter, I have to remember that there was someone who actually got it worse than me. You may remember me mentioning the black girl I had approached to be my scene partner during the first audition my freshman year. Her artistry was actually well-respected by the other students. But for whatever reason, she was rarely ever cast in Dr. R's and Dr. W's productions. Her sophomore year, she was cast in "Blithe Spirit," but that was directed by Mr. H. She was cast the next year as a fairy in "Midsummer Night's Dream" and a dancer in "The King and I." The only mainstage production she did her senior year was the Dance Department's production of "A Soldier's Tale." I remember when she was talking about people griping about being in "Mother Courage." She said, "I wasn't even cast in that! Do you know how much I wanted to be in that show and you're complaining about it?"
She was cast in the Evening of One Acts that year, doing the role of the Oscar-nominated actress from "California Suite." Later, Dr. W remarked on how good her performance was. He said, "I really wish we had done more with her." But I have a feeling he never said that about me.
I felt very empty at the end of college and had no idea how real life was going to be any kind of improvement. I did manage to find a few of my niches and capitalize on them. Looking back, I see that I had no real direction in college. When I wrote my article about "Things I Wish I'd Known before Starting College," I could have added, "If you lack any actual direction in college, that flaw will likely follow you throughout your life." That's true, but I've found that not having a solid sense of where I need to be all the time allowed me to improvise when it was needed.
But I guess I should be thankful for how it prepared me for disappointment later on in life. I can take some solace knowing that all those people who were given more favor in the Theatre Department were probably shocked at how much rejection they would face when they went out into the real world. I know it's true in one case and I will write about her later.
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