Friend Zone #1: Dayz

In my earlier posts, I mentioned how I like to come up with rules for certain things. I just realized that I never laid down the rules for determining who was an actual girlfriend. Since I am tackling the issue of being stuck in the friend zone today, I will also list my rules for determining that as well.

In order for someone to be considered my girlfriend, I have to have kissed her full on the mouth for more than five seconds. That's basically the only rule, since I never kissed a girl in some kind of casual alcohol-induced make out session.

However, the rules for being in the friend zone with a girl are a bit more complex. The first is that I have to have been interested in her as a potential girlfriend. The second is that I have to have gone out on a date with her. The third is that I needed to have spent a considerable amount of time with her before I realize that my attempts at romance are going to be futile. These do not have to happen in any particular order. These all apply to my first friend zone situation.

I've written about my previous encounters with Dayz: A fleeting few words at the Solo and Ensemble Festival, a more thorough introduction at the Drama Festival, and getting to see her briefly at the Choral Festival before I got whisked away to go on the academic trip.

But I had several more encounters with Dayz. They started by writing her a letter after the Drama Festival. I had gotten her address there. Orld and that other guy had also gotten her address after I asked first. I thought it was best to play it cool and not write a letter right away. However, the other guy bragged that he wrote her and she wrote him back and included a picture. I realized I needed to step my game up and wrote her. She also sent me a reply and a photo of her from last year. I got them within a week of writing the letter to her.

With her last name and address, I was able to locate her phone number through directory assistance. I actually would call her long distance. (Back then, long distance was a big deal. My parents used to scream at me for making long distance calls because they cost so much. I don't miss those days.) I found that she was actually willing to talk on the phone, for like an hour at a time. I couldn't believe I could keep a girl on the phone that long. I never even got to do that with my ex-girlfriend.

I got to do this a few times prior to seeing her at the Choral Festival. After I left the festival to be driven back to Artesia, a couple of the girls I was friends with in my choir hung out with Dayz. They later told me that she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. They asked, "What about Fayd?" She replied that while she thought I was a nice guy, she wasn't interested in having me for a boyfriend. I was crushed. I realized that I would never get to be closer to her the way I wanted to be. However, she still showed interest in being my friend. I decided to just keep being her friend and seeing if there was a possibility it would lead to something else.

But I soon found out I wasn't going to get that chance. Before the end of the school year, she told me that her father (who was apparently in the Air Force) had been transferred to Phoenix and the whole family was moving to Tempe. She knew that she was going to be moving that summer. There was a chance that I'd never see her again.

I also had a pretty full plate for the summer after my sophomore year. A few weeks in, I was going to go to the International Theatre Arts Conference in Muncie, IN with Rod. Then, Loyd and I were going to help my Dad paint the house (THE WHOLE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE). After that, I was going to be spending a week at a Rotary-sponsored summer camp. I'll be writing about those later, but today, I'm going to focus on the week I got to spend hanging out with Dayz, which happened before all that.

During the summer of 1980, Mom was taking a couple of classes at ENMU in Portales. The first week she went, she invited me to go along. That meant I would get to spend time with Dayz. I was able to verify ahead of time that she was going to be there that week. She knew I was coming. Mom and I stayed with relatives who lived on the outskirts of town.

Mom and I drove up to Portales in my car. What I did was drive my Mom to class and then go to Dayz' house to hang out with her. Then, I would pick Mom up and we'd drive back and have dinner with the relatives. That whole week is a bit of a blur. I remember going to see her Monday morning. We went out and drove around the town a bit. Then, I took her back home and hung around the ENMU campus, mostly in the library. I also saw her Tuesday morning, but we only hung out at her house for about an hour before she asked me to leave.

On Wednesday, Mom didn't want me to overstay my welcome with Dayz, so she took my car and left me there at the relatives'. I spent a lot of time walking around their ranch. I remember coming upon the livestock. I saw this thick wire surrounding the area. While I examined it using my fingers, I wondered how this wire was supposed to keep the livestock in. I then found out. I received a quick shot. It was an electric fence. That made sense.

I got to go out on an actual date with Dayz Thursday night. We went to see "Bronco Billy." Afterwards, we got something to eat. I leaned over and asked her, "Do you want to take a drag?" Her eyes widened like she didn't know what to say. Then she realized what I meant. "Oh, you mean take a drag down Main Street. I thought you meant take a drag off a cigarette."

We drove around a little bit and took her home. I went to see her Friday morning, knowing that I would tell her goodbye. In my mind, I imagined that we might hug and kiss, but she didn't even shake my hand before I left.

A few weeks later, I went to the International Theatre Arts Conference. After I got back, I wrote a 60-page letter to her that detailed all the stuff that happened to me that week. I mailed it to her, and I never heard back from her since. If I had known that I was going to instantly lose contact with her, I would have kept that letter because there was a lot of great stuff that happened and it would be nice to recall it all, including some encounters with someone who would later become rather famous as an actor. (Please note: While I may make reference to the individual when I write about the theatre conference, I will not be identifying him in this phase of the blog.)

A little more than a year later, I got to see "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" in Roswell for the first time. I could have sworn I saw someone who looked just like her walk into the theater. However, her hair was curly. Since I wasn't 100% convinced it was her (and I didn't want to lose my seat in the back row), I didn't approach her. There was really no reason I could think of for her to be in Roswell, so I saved myself some embarrassment.

As it is, I am unable to find her on the Internet, even with the unusual spelling of her first name. Even though I also remember her mother's name, I can't get anything to show up. I doubt she'd still have that 60-page letter anyway.

(Updated 08/01/16: I have found her profile on Facebook.)

Not long ago, I was re-reading some of my old posts for inclusion in my "From the Dorchives," in which I share old articles on Facebook. I read this post and thought I'd try to find her again. I limited my search to people with her name in Tempe, I found a shorter list of people with her name. I found a profile of someone in Phoenix. The photo of the woman looked a lot like her. I was able to look at more photos and became more and more convinced that it was her. Then I came across the item that blasted the caps off the pistons in my neurological pathways: A black and white photograph from around 1972 featuring Dayz and her siblings. This picture was hanging on the wall of her living room in Portales! That was all I needed to KNOW that this was her!

She may have been married before, but she apparently has a significant other now. It's some guy with long grey hair and a mustachio and beard. I would guess he's in his 60s, but I've found it's hard to me to judge peoples' ages by their photographs after they hit 40. He could be a lot closer to my age for all I know. She has a daughter, who appears to have already graduated from college. From what I can tell, the significant other is not the father.

One thing I couldn't help but notice when I started lurking on her profile was how GREAT she still looks. Even with a little age-related weight gain, she is still out of my league. (But considering her significant other, maybe just a couple of positive statistics away.) In some of the photographs, if they're taken from a distance of at least ten feet and she is smiling, she still looks like the 16-year-old that I remember so well.

Her profile lists all the places she's lived. She starts with San Jose, CA in 1964 and shows she lived in places like Thailand and Turkey before her family moved to Portales in 1975. It doesn't list Phoenix in 1980 (but maybe that's because Facebook doesn't list locations more than once, especially if it's where you live now), but it shows she moved to Guam in 1988 and Nevada in 1991.

One of the things that really got to me was a photograph she had of her at her uncle's house in Portales in 1983. I WAS IN PORTALES IN 1983! Unless she came over during those three week periods before or after the summer session at ENMU, I totally could have run into her and seen her again. I can't believe that here it is 30 years later and I got really upset about not seeing her then.

But that photograph showed that she had curly hair, very similar to the woman I saw at "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" in Roswell in 1981. One of the reasons I didn't think it was her in Roswell was that she appeared to be with friends (male and female) and acted like she had been there before. (No one seemed to look around like they were unfamiliar with the theatre.) But it is possible that she got together with friends when she was visiting in Portales and they all took the 90-minute road trip to see the movie. (Although I'm pretty certain the drive back would have been hell, because they wouldn't have returned until at least 3am.) But if I had seen the girl she was friends with when I met her at the Drama Festival, I would have known right away it was her.

I also found her profile on LinkedIn. She works for Arizona State University, but not in a teaching position. I sent her a request to connect, but she declined it. I'm rather disappointed. I'd hoped that she'd always wondered what happened to that boy from Artesia she knew in 1980. However, my friend request on Facebook (on which I am Fayd, not my real name) still has not been declined. But it hasn't been accepted, either.

The good thing is seeing that she is NOT Facebook friends with Orld or that other twerp from the Drama Festival. If I got upset about not seeing her in 1983, I would have been beyond angry if I saw either of them on her friends list. I just hope they've forgotten all about her.