I wrote about how after my grandfather died in the summer of 1978, an unintended consequence was that my family stopped taking the summer road trips. I did miss those opportunities to see parts of the country that were far distances from me. They made me realize there was a world outside Artesia and I didn't have to stay put in one place for the rest of my life.
This meant that we didn't go anywhere in the summers of 1979 and 1980, even though we could have. I don't know why we didn't make the trips, but they just didn't occur. (However, I did get to go to the International Theatre Arts Conference in Muncie, IN the summer of 1980 with a group that did not include my family.)
However, in the summer of 1981, I guess Dad decided he was ready for an adventure and without any announcement beforehand, decided to take Loyd on a road trip without me or Mom. I couldn't go because of my two jobs. I probably could have gotten away from the Racquet Club, but there was no way Mr. E would let me spontaneously take off. Mom couldn't go because they were not about to leave me alone in the house for two weeks. I mean, a weekend was fine, but I would have probably gotten killed if left alone for that amount of time. Besides, I think Dad liked the idea of a road trip better if Mom wasn't there to nag the whole time.
In this video, I tried to explain how Loyd, as a child, possibly perceived how I got to be the oldest and how much he resented it. Loyd actually left a comment on the video, saying that the issue was really that I would get to go do things, like hang out with friends and go to school, while he was left behind. When Dad took off with Loyd, I experienced what that probably felt like as I so much wanted to be a part of that. Not getting to go because of work meant that I was growing up and I would likely never get to do anything like that again.
Dad also did this for the summer of 1982 and 1983. I had gotten to go on a long two week trip almost on my own after I graduated and returned to work at the Racquet Club, and I went to the summer session at college the next year, so again, I was not asked to join Dad and Loyd on their bonding trip.
I guess what hurt the most was that Dad didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to go. I'm guessing he decided that what Loyd needed at this point in his life was a stronger connection with him and thought this was the best way to do it. He probably felt that I didn't really need that in my life as I was already on the right track dealing with school and two jobs. But he was wrong. I really felt like I missed out on a lot there and it gave me just another reason to resent going to work, especially at Main Place.
It really is time with my father that I feel like I missed out on. I hope Loyd appreciates that he got something that I didn't.
No comments:
Post a Comment