A Sit-Com Moment

This article is likely going to be the longest one I'm going to write in this phase of the blog. It all leads up to a certain moment, and it would be just crazy to have several parts when it's really about that one moment. The course of this story spans four years and involves a lot of different people.

On July 13th, 1995, I went to Twigg's Coffee House in San Diego to experience some live music. I had looked for events in the San Diego Reader. At the time, they had a service in which you could call and listen to musical snippets by local musicians. I liked this one song by someone called Appalachian and decided to go check her out. She was hosting a regular series of weekly performances called "Appalachian and Friends." I came in before the show started and met her. I also got to meet the man she was married to at the time, but they never disclosed to me that they were married.

During the performance, a friend of Appalachian showed up. This was Jazzer. Jazzer went up and sang back up on Appalachian's song about a thrift store. (This was a hallmark of her shows, in which her friends would get up and sing this particular song with her.) Jazzer also performed one of her own songs and plugged a show she was performing that weekend at Seaport Village. I also got to meet Appalachian's dog Celie.

I came back to Twigg's the next Thursday. Appalachian saw me and told me that she had an opening act that night. It was a duo that featured a vocalist I'll call "LocalSinger" and a guitarist I'll call "LocalGuitarist." They used to be based in San Diego, but went up to San Francisco for a couple of years before coming back. This was one of their first shows since they returned.

A year and a half later, LocalSinger and LocalGuitarist had formed a full band that included bass, keyboards and drums. They had also released a CD. When Perd was staying with Kelz and me, the two of us decided to go to Java Joe's to check them out. Perd greatly enjoyed them. The table that had been set up to sell their CD also had some free PR materials on it. One was a card that utilized the cover of the CD. On the back of the card was a phone number. I noticed that the number was two digits away from the number for the voice mail I had set up for Ogolon Records.

I took the card and put it in the console of the car. I never brought it into the apartment or did anything with it. It just sat there in the console. Kelz was asleep when we got back that night.

About eight months later, I had managed to get Kelz and Sasd to leave the cottage. After I had gone with her and her uncle to set up the air travel arrangements for their departure, I came home and called my Ogolon Records voice mail. When I listened to the number as it speed-dialed, I could tell that the last two digits were off. The next thing I knew, I could hear a woman's voice giving performance dates. I quickly deduced that I had reached the voicemail for LocalSinger. After the dates were provided, LocalSinger said, "...and by the way, if any of you happens to know who Fayd is, could you please let us know? (slight giggle) We'd really appreciate it!"

I hung up the phone. I had all sorts of questions. What was going on? Why did she want to know who I was? The only thing I knew for certain was that Kelz had reprogrammed the speed dial on my phone to call her number. I wondered why she did that. Slowly, but surely, I started putting pieces together. I recalled how she had called up Thoz and Knod, accused them of having sex with me and threatened to kill them. Gasp! She had probably done that to LocalSinger! I figured she'd found the card in my console and decided that I was having an affair with her. And because her voicemail was two digits from my voicemail, it was easy for her to remember the number. This was someone I hadn't even met before! I had only seen her perform those two times and never said anything to Kelz about her!

I called the voicemail back to leave a message. At the time, I figured the threat had about as much impact on her as it did on Thoz and Knod. They didn't take it seriously and judging by the slight giggle she had on her outgoing message, she didn't, either. I had a light-hearted tone in my voice: "Hi. This is Fayd. Appalachian knows me. I think the reason you want to know who I am is because my ex-girlfriend has probably been calling you, accusing you of having sex with me and threatening to kill you. I heard your message because your voicemail is two digits away from mine and had gotten programmed into my phone. If you have any questions, you can call me." I left my regular phone number.

The next day, my phone rang. I answered. "Hi, is this Fayd?" "Yes?" "Hi, I'm Detective BW from the San Diego Police Department's Northern Division. I understand you know about the threats made against LocalSinger?" "Yeah, that was my ex-girlfriend Kelz." BW explained that he was investigating this case, even though it was out of his jurisdiction. He was brought in because he was investigating a death threat recently made against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter when she performed at Humphrey's and there was a chance this could be connected to that. He also said that while LocalSinger knew who Appalachian was, she didn't really know her. (I guess that wasn't the right name to drop, but it didn't make sense because the first time I saw her, she was opening for Appalachian.)

I started getting the idea that this situation was very serious, far more serious than LocalSinger's giggle had led me to believe. BW explained that Kelz had left three threatening messages on the voicemail. When LocalSinger heard the first message, she didn't go home for three days and waited for her fiancee to return before she could feel safe again.

Something I haven't mentioned about Kelz is the tone of her voice. It was rather deep. If you were to listen to her voice on the phone, you would have a hard time figuring out if you were talking to a male or a female. Because LocalSinger couldn't tell, it hindered her ability to perform because the person who left the threat could be anyone, ANYONE in the audience. She was truly freaking out about this.

I asked what Kelz said on the messages. BW said he could play them for me. The first one said, "You f*****' b****! I'm gonna kill you!" The second one said, "I'm gonna kill you, you b****! I know you've been f****** Fayd!" For whatever reason, he'd lost the third one. I told him it was definitely Kelz making those phone calls. However, I didn't think she was the one who made the threats against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter. We had no idea that she was playing at Humphrey's, so she wouldn't have known where to leave a message.

BW asked me to have Kelz call him the next time I talked to her. He said that right now, she was at a misdemeanor level, but if she left any more threats, it would be considered a felony. So, she needed to talk to him to get it straightened out and maybe they wouldn't press any charges. I also gave him my real name and address. I told him Kelz was about to leave for Iowa and didn't know when I was going to get to talk to her again.

Within 30 minutes, Kelz called my house. Before we got started on anything, I told her to write down the information I was about to give her. I gave the the phone number and the name of the detective. "What's this for?" "Well, this is about the threats you've been making against LocalSinger." "You mean your woman who you've been having sex with?" "Okay, I haven't been having sex with her, but you need to call the detective and straighten this out." "Why are they so interested?" "Because he's also investigating threats that were made against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter." "Yeah, you've been having sex with her, too!" "Riiiight, don't mention that to him." "But I didn't make the threats against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter!" "I know, and I told him that. But with the threats you've made against LocalSinger, you're about to commit a felony if you do any more, so you need to call this guy."

"We'll see." She hung up the phone. About five minutes later, she called me back. It sounded like she was panicking and trying to get her stuff together so she could leave right then and there. I asked, "Will you just call the detective?" We got off the phone.

About an hour later, I called BW to let him know that I had given Kelz the message. She had already called him and talked to him. She told him that once she came over to my apartment and she saw LocalSinger leaving. When she came inside, there were condom wrappers all over the floor and I was laughing at her. I found it hard to stifle my laughter when I heard this and I apologized for the uncontrollable outburst. I realized this was serious.

(What was really funny to me was that I didn't think that Kelz would have been able to identify LocalSinger from the picture on the card in my console. It featured her head tilted back and her mouth wide open. In order for Kelz to figure out who she was, she would have had to strike the same pose as she did in the picture.)

He said that he told her that I had identified her as the voice on the messages and he could tell by talking to her that she was the voice on the messages. He also told her that she had basically confessed to him and all she needed to do to avoid charges was to promise not to make any more threats against LocalSinger. She agreed to this. He said he had also talked to LocalSinger and she was relieved that it was more of a domestic situation and didn't really have to do with her. But it was still an unsettling experience for her.

In the meantime, I became aware that Kelz left one final message on LocalSinger's voicemail. She said, "Hi, LocalSinger. I'm sorry about putting you through all that. I guess it was some other hoochie woman I saw Fayd with who looked just like you." I really worried about what LocalSinger thought of me at this point. She likely could tell that Kelz was crazy, but did she think I was crazy, too?

The day that Kelz and Sasd left for Iowa, LocalSinger was going to be performing as part of a charity showcase featuring female performers at the Wikiup Cafe. I went that night. I found LocalSinger sitting with her bandmates. I went up and said, "Hi, LocalSinger, I'm Fayd. I'm really sorry about what happened. She left on a plane earlier today. I saw her leave and she won't be bothering you any more." She mouthed, "Thank you," but it was obvious she didn't want to discuss it any further. I turned around and left.

Fairly soon after, my friendship with Fraz started to blossom. One day, I was talking to her on the phone and we were discussing the local music scene. She asked, "Hey, do you know who I really like?" In my head, I was thinking, "Please don't say LocalSinger. Please don't say LocalSinger. Please don't say LocalSinger!" What did she say? "LocalSinger!" ("NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!")

LocalSinger happened to be playing a show at Java Joe's that weekend, so Fraz decided we should go to that. I hoped that we wouldn't sit close to the stage and could remain in the shadows so that she wouldn't see me. This happened to be one of the first performances in which LocalSinger was starting to branch on her own away from LocalGuitarist and was playing her own songs on the keyboard.

During the show, Fraz leaned over and asked me if I thought LocalSinger was a lesbian. Without thinking, I responded, "No, she has a fiancee." I could suddenly hear Fraz' eyes widening. "How do you know that?" "I... just... know that." Fraz seemed satisfied with that answer and didn't ask any more questions. Thank goodness!

Perd contacted me and said he wanted his wife Bird to see LocalSinger perform. She happened to be doing a show at Twigg's Coffee House that weekend. He had known about Kelz' threats and understood that I was going to try to avoid contact with LocalSinger. However, everywhere I went that evening, she happened to be nearby. It didn't matter if I was in the drink line, or outside or waiting for the bathroom. She was always in close vicinity. However, she didn't act uneasy regarding my presence.

Perd was very touched by the performance. It had such an impact, he said he cried during every song.

Over time, Fraz wrote a couple of articles about LocalSinger for alternative lifestyle publications. While she herself wasn't LGBT, LocalSinger was very supportive of the community and didn't mind being the subject of articles. I knew I could never tell Fraz about my connection to LocalSinger because she was sure to bring the threats up in an interview.

One time, Fraz told me LocalSinger had come over to her apartment to drop off some material. I was glad I didn't happen to be there. I had no idea how she was going to react when she saw that I was friends with Fraz.

In November of 1998, I shaved my iconic long hair from my head. While this wasn't the main reason I cut my hair, I felt like it would prevent LocalSinger from recognizing me and I could go to her performances like a normal person. This actually worked. I went to a couple of shows and didn't see any adverse reactions from her. I also didn't feel like I had to get out of her way. Once, I was at a showcase organized by Promoter and won a free CD. LocalSinger very excitedly handed me my prize and congratulated me. Yep, she had no idea who I was.

In September of 1999, I had planned a trip to New Mexico. By this time, Perd had split up from Bird, moved to Roswell and was living with a new girlfriend. Prior to the trip, I went to one of LocalSinger's performances at the Unitarian Church in San Diego and bought one of her CDs. I asked her to sign it and make it out to "Perd." Perd was excited about getting the CD. But I think LocalSinger probably believed my name was Perd at this point.

Fairly soon after that, a performer I'll call "Puerto Rican" was holding a CD release party. LocalSinger was going to open for him. Fraz wanted to go. We got there a little early and found seats. I was dreading the possibility of LocalSinger coming up and Fraz introducing us. I knew there would be an awkward moment when LocalSinger would suddenly go silent and start looking sad when she realized who I was. I knew that Fraz was going to start asking questions and I didn't know how I was going to answer her without her asking more questions or getting angry because there was a story I wasn't telling her. I hoped that LocalSinger wouldn't be hanging out with the audience prior to her part of the show.

That didn't happen. We saw LocalSinger coming in with Jez. They had just recently become besties. I thought, "Oh, no! If Fraz doesn't tell her who I am, Jez will!" They saw Fraz and started coming our direction. I could feel my brow sweating and my heart beating harder in my chest with every step they took toward us. When they got to us, LocalSinger turned to me and said, "Hi! How're you doing?" And then she turned to Fraz and talked to her a little. WHEW! Crisis averted!

After LocalSinger and Jez left, Fraz asked me, "You know LocalSinger?" "Uh, yeah. She's seen me at her shows." Fraz seemed satisfied with that answer and didn't ask any more questions.

And that was the moment my life was like a sit-com.