The drop that probably started my path toward losing

Going back through my childhood memories, I have to consider the first time I looked like a loser in front of other people. It would have to be when I was five years old. I had been asked to be the ring bearer at a wedding. (Actually, my mother was asked if I could be the ring bearer. No one asked me.)

For the rehearsal, my mother dressed me up in this fancy little suit and took me to the local Methodist Church. (Years later, I would wonder why I was forced to wear the suit when no one else had to wear their wedding clothes for the rehearsal.) I was given a pillow and told that no matter what, I was not to drop that pillow. I had no idea why the pillow was so important, but I didn't want to goof it up. I was instructed to walk up the aisle at the church and walk back. That was basically it. I had no idea what was going on.

The next night, we returned to the church. Everything was different. All the other partipcants were dressed fancy and everybody was running back and forth. The church was filled with people. I was told when to walk down the aisle with the pillow. (I should point out that I do not remember there being rings on the pillow.) I walked up the steps on the pulpit to the preacher. He turned me around and pointed for me to go down the steps and back down the aisle. I started down the steps, and... I dropped the pillow. I watched it tumble down the steps, virtually in slow motion. All the thoughts that went through my mind. I thought I was going to get beaten. I knew that I had to pick up that pillow and walk back down the aisle.

I don't remember anybody in the audience reacting, like laughter or gasping or anything. I don't remember what happened after I got to the back of the church. I don't know if I cried or begged my mother for forgiveness or anything. I just know that I did the worst possible thing by dropping the pillow. I felt like such a loser.

A few years later, I was asked to be a groom's attendant for the wedding of that bride's sister. While this was at a different church, I wonder how many people in the crowd recognized me as the boy who dropped the pillow at the last wedding. I do know that the photos of the wedding show me walking down the aisle with my head hung down. My brother wound up being the ringbearer at that wedding. He did not drop the pillow.