When Bez broke up with me, it was probably the most adult decision she had made in her life up to that point. I doubt her parents had anything to do with her deciding to see what else was out there. However, every major life decision she made after that was reflective of her 14-year-old mentality.
During the year and four months that we were together, I had five (technically seven) different jobs. She was aware of her employment history and figured that one of us needed to have more stability job-wise if we were going to ever get married. She probably felt like if I was going to be a loser for the rest of my life (which I have been, so to speak, but not always at minimum-wage), she didn't want to have any part of it.
What happened after we broke up is that she met some other guy and spent a lot of time with him. However, this guy didn't have his own place. He was living with his brother. Her father told me that she would go over there and spend the night sometimes. This kind of made me mad because I could never get her to spend the night at my apartment. Any time we were at my place, we had to wrap everything up so I could drive her home before 10pm. Her parents didn't like the idea that kind of stuff was going on when we were together, but they didn't find out until after we broke up that Bez and I never had sex. But I guess she exerted her independence and they just let her spend the night at that guy's place.
Just before her 30th birthday, the guy she was seeing decided to move to Milwaukee, where he came from. He was going to move back in with his mother. He invited Bez to go along with him and she agreed. I talked to her one last time before she left. I don't remember the conversation, but I know I ended it by telling her that I loved her.
In the meantime, I moved upward in my job at the movie theatre. I was the Assistant Manager before I had been there a full year. A year later, I was offered the Assistant Manager position at a new multi-plex they were opening in San Diego. I moved there in November of 1991.
Bez had always wanted to move back to California. I can only imagine her reaction when she found out I was moving out there. In fact, I think she realized she made the wrong decision when it became apparent that I had job stability. But she probably felt like she had to prove to herself she made the right decision by marrying that guy. Mind you, this followed a volatile period in which they had broken up and she moved back to Denver. Somehow, he talked her in to returning and a wedding was held. She got pregnant and had a baby girl. Then, they went through a divorce and custody proceedings. Bez' father mentioned something to the effect that the guy physically abused her.
Even though Bez and I split up, I still had a rapport with her parents. They were very much like a second set of parents. After moving to San Diego, I would come visit them anytime I came to Denver. In 1995, I was going to see them, but Bez had moved back home with her daughter. That meant that I was going to have to deal with her somewhat. I was afraid that, after all she had been through, she was going get the idea that she could try to start things up again. I did not want that thought to enter her mind when she saw me I was staying with Rid. Bez really did not like Rid. Even though she was civil to him when we were spending time together, she made it clear she wished I didn't have anything to do with him. I begged Rid to come with me to her parents because if he was there, she would remember all the stuff she didn't like about me.
Rid agreed to go. He had never met her parents before, but they had heard plenty of things about him. Bez was on her way home from work when we got to the house, so we spent some time visiting with her parents. He seemed to get along with them pretty well. When Bez did come home, she recognized Rid, but didn't recognize me because I had really long hair. Her daughter was there and was walking around here and there. Bez said I could pick her up if I wanted to. I shook my head. There was no way I was going to let her see me bond with her child. Again, I didn't want to give her any ideas.
Rid and I left after a little while. Bez did not request to speak to me alone. I told her it was nice seeing her again. I don't think she really ever had any intention of getting back together, but I felt better knowing that I had taken every precaution to keep that from happening.
Bez managed to get custody of the girl and they continued to live with her parents. At one point, Bez was working at Incredible Universe and Rid ran into her there. I came through Denver once a few years later and saw her parents. Bez was at work, but her daughter was there. She was about eight years old at the time. The last time I saw her parents was in December of 2009. My cousin Jend had passed away. My brother Loyd and I drove to see Bez' parents. When I called them ahead of time, her father said that Bez was coming home from work at a certain time. I told him I didn't want to see Bez and that we would be coming over before she got home. While we were there visiting the parents, Bez' daughter was there, but she stayed in her room the whole time. She came out real quickly once to go to the bathroom, so I didn't really get to see her. The parents said she acted like a typical 17-year-old. However, I wonder if she would have taken a greater interest in the visitors if she knew I was one of her mother's ex-boyfriends, particularly the one she dated before meeting her father.
I still send them Christmas cards and will get their annual newsletters in return. The 2013 edition showed that she was living with some guy who also appeared to have job instability. The 2014 version didn't really give much information about her, but said that her father had prostate cancer and it had worked its way into his bones, so he may not be around much longer. (UPDATE: He passed away in 2015. I sent Christmas cards in 2015 and 2016, but I didn't get anything from her mother last time, so I won't be sending any more cards.)
One of the things I realized about myself later was that, if we had gotten married, I might have wound up having an affair. I mean, I wouldn't have actively sought one out. But if a woman came along with the qualities I desired and made it quite clear that she was interested, I would have a hard time turning her away. If Bez ever made any indication that she wanted to be with me again, I would have told her about this and agree that she had made the right decision in breaking up with me.
So, before I close out this chapter on Bez (and know that she'll be making several more appearances in this blog), I'll let you know a little tidbit that I'd forgotten to mention in the previous posts. In 1963, Bez and her family lived in Washington, DC, where her father worked for the Department of Labor. They went to John F. Kennedy's funeral. Bez doesn't remember it, but it's interesting to know that I dated someone who attended a Presidential funeral, especially his.
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