I look back at this and I realized I spent 13 years of my life trying to find dates through personal ads. I turned 37 in 2001, so that means that more than a third of my life up to that point was spent using this method. Regardless of all the terrible outcomes, it was still the best way for me to meet women who were interested in dating and potential relationships.
But out of all the women I met through the ads, I only got two actual girlfriends and two Close Calls. During this same period, I had three girlfriends and one Close Call through regular socializing. It was really a toss-up between the two.
So, why wasn't I more successful at this? I'd have to blame my looks more than anything else. I'm certain a lot of the women I talked to enjoyed the sound of my voice but were unimpressed with what they saw when we met. (This was also an issue when I worked in radio.) Even when I decided to cut my hair short, it didn't seem to help. It did not make me better looking, just a lot less interesting. I always got the idea that a woman would see me and think right away, "There is no way I'm going to have sex with that guy!" And for most of this era, I wasn't even planning on getting that far, but I'll bet they thought that was all I was thinking about.
I also had a tendency to be myself. I couldn't pull off pretending to be something I'm not. I had a tendency to be straightforward and didn't do much in the filtering department as far as personal information. I could be perceived as being a boring person, because I didn't drink or do drugs. At least you couldn't say I was being dishonest.
I should add that I met a whole lot more women through the personal ads than I have chronicled in this blog. I didn't write about many of them because there weren't enough interesting things that were worth documenting, at least not in full-length articles. But I still want to mention them. In most cases, I never heard from them again after the date.
The White Goth I met this woman with white spiky hair. Our date consisted of eating breakfast at some hipster doofus cafe and then going to a museum in Denver. There was a room called the "Gothic Room." It was not the same kind of gothic.
Pool Dolphin Our date consisted of a round of pool at The Society in Pacific Beach. I'm not a very good pool player, but I was much better at it than she was. She left and said I could continue playing as she had paid for a full hour. I realized five minutes later that she had ditched me.
"Taxi" Episode I could have written an article about this one. She was a single mother from Ramona and had a good phone personality. I probably had a hard time concealing my disappointment that she was very overweight. I kept hoping she'd display the personality she had on the phone, but she didn't smile the whole time. After we ate, I tried to end the date, but she didn't want to leave yet. I guess it was a very rare night away from her kid and she was intent on getting the most out of it, even if she wasn't having a good time.
Not Overweight This woman had been in the military and said she was fat. When I met her in person, she was maybe 30 pounds overweight. The first thing I told her was that she was not fat. We talked a couple of times after the meeting. I called and left messages. Once I got her roommate on the phone. The roommate told me she thought I had an amazing voice. Later, "N.O." told me she didn't want me to call anymore. I was trying not to seem uncouth at the time, but I wished I had asked if her roommate was available.
Music Fan This one knew a lot of people in the local music scene, many of whom I knew as well. We even pinpointed a night we were both at the Casbah. Even though I thought it went well, she never called me again. The odd thing was that Jenz happened to see us together at Balboa Park and told Fraz about it. She indicated that I was very animated.
Loony Bin This woman I never met, but we had several phone conversations and set up an actual date. I was supposed to call her at a specific time to finalize. I called and instead of her voice mail, I got a message that there was an error. When I called back, there was a new outgoing message and at the end, she said, "And if this is Fayd, I'm sorry, but I had to cancel. I'll explain later!" She never picked up the phone again. A few days later, her outgoing message said she had gone to the loony bin and didn't know when she'd be back. Later, that phone was disconnected.
The Cyclist We had a decent conversation when we met. I tried calling her back a few times, but she didn't pick up. She finally called back and left a voice mail, thanking me for the attention I was giving her, but I wasn't her type. A few months later, she and some guy were riding bicycles and she said hi to me. I never saw her again.
Miss Talky I remember what she looked like, but I don't recall much else, except that she did most of the talking. This was one I decided not to pursue further, but she didn't even try calling me again.
Good Arm I didn't meet this one. During our first conversation, she said she lived within a stone's throw of the Park Theatre in San Diego "with a good arm." Then she said she had to get off the phone to mow the lawn. Since I lived in the vicinity, I tried running around to find someone mowing the lawn. I wasn't successful. The next time we talked, she said she'd met some other guy and they really hit it off.
Indecisive I had arranged to meet this woman at Starbucks. I bought something to drink and waited outside. A woman matching her description walked toward the door and was looking at me before she walked past and went inside. A few minutes later, she came out and introduced herself (but she hadn't bought a drink). She didn't seem to enjoy being there with me. The weird thing was that she used to work at NDC before I started working there.
Elmo's Sister I met a 20-year-old woman who had someone drop her off at Fashion Valley to meet me. She wanted to marry someone and have 10 kids. I drove her back to the apartment where she lived with her mother and sister. I met the sister, who was about my age. She was WAY more attractive than my date, but she had a high, squeaky voice like Elmo from Sesame Street. Even if I had pulled off ditching the date for her sister, I wouldn't have been able to live with listening to that voice all the time.
Roswell Fan This was a 23-year-old single mother. We seemed to have a lot of common interests, including music and other forms of entertainment. The TV show she was really into was "Roswell." (I had watched the first episode, and while I liked it, I decided to cut back on my TV watching and didn't follow it.) She couldn't get out much because of her baby, but she invited me to come over to her apartment and hang out for a bit. When I arrived, she was smoking and talking to a friend outside her apartment. She wasn't that attractive, but I didn't see that as a problem. I had brought her a present. I'd gotten a free "Roswell" trading card at the recent San Diego Comic-Con. She was excited about receiving it. We went inside and watched an episode of "Roswell." We didn't talk much except details about the show. I then saw a photo of what she looked like all gussied up. I wasn't impressed. I said goodbye and never saw her again.
There have been others that I have alluded to in previous articles. There were only two situations in which the women did not show up for the meeting. Yes, I can assume they scouted for me first and decided I wasn't worth their time. That's fine. I actually rather they not show up than talk to me and make me think there was a chance. That was the real problem. It stunk that I got my hopes up and it stunk even worse that I was always optimistic. But I was really torn up when the meetings appeared to me to be going well. I seriously could not see the signs that this was going to be as far as things went.
What's next? Well, by this point, the Internet Era had already started in 2000 (with Molz). I can tell you right now it was not a better way to meet women. You'll read all about that in the future.
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