No more book in this face

I've posted before about how I don't do New Year's Resolutions. I've decided to make an exception this year. I need to get rid of a monkey that's been on my back for the last nine years: Facebook.

I should point this out that I am not doing it as part of the "Quit Facebook" movement. The truth of the matter is that I'm not actually quitting Facebook. And concerns about privacy didn't really impact me because I didn't use my real name.

In 2010, I had no desire to get involved with social networks. I had completely avoided MySpace and planned to do the same with Facebook and Twitter when they started building up steam. I had no interest in trying to connect with people from my past. And it seemed pointless to do with my co-workers. (I didn't have any real friends at the time.)

One day, Ms. Ogolon wanted to do some lurking on Facebook and asked me to set up an account. I thought this was odd because she'd actually had a MySpace profile so I don't know why she didn't want a presence on Facebook. Then she threatened to go ahead and set up a profile in my name. I told her that if she was going to do that, she should set up one under my San Diego music scene pseudonym and not my real name. This was something I hadn't thought about doing before. I was concerned about people I hated catching up with me, but they didn't know me as Fayd, so this solved everything.

Facebook was very exciting when I first got on. I was able to reach out to people I used to know in Denver and San Diego and reconnect with a lot of friends. I was finding people I hadn't had contact with in years. And having a Facebook account inspired me to go out, do things and post photos and statuses.

However, I wasn't so willing to reach out to my family members. My Mom knew about the account and sent me requests a couple of times, but I always denied her. A few years later, I wanted to get my friend count over 100, so I sent her and other family members a request. Mom thought someone had hacked into my account.

As you're all aware, Facebook has changed over the years. It evolved into a platform for people to promote their agendas. I have to admit to being guilty of that as well, but I tried hard to post and comment with honesty and integrity. I worked to read and research articles and memes that I shared, and would add comments to present my perspective. The problem was that there were too many other people who didn't want to do that and seemed to take great joy in contradicting and criticizing my comments.

I recall one time when I made a comment on an article shared by a friend. One of his friends replied to my comment, and went on this lengthy rant about race, which was not even a part of my comment. When I read it, it was obvious he was not calling me a racist, but any casual reader would have thought that was what he was trying to do. I got really upset about it, but I didn't know how to respond. There really is no proper response to being called a racist, or in this case, being implied as one. After thinking about it, I decided the best thing to do was to delete my comment and that would make his go away. The next day, he wrote a comment wondering what happened to his reply. I guess he had gone back to archive his writing because he was just so darn proud of what he had written and how he really slammed me. If I'd known he was going to get that mad about it, I would have taken a screenshot of his remarks before deleting them and then hold them for ransom by making him promise not to respond to any of my remarks ever again.

As we reach the end of our second year of the Trump administration, I see this aspect of Facebook is just going to get a lot worse. I'm tired of coming across it in my newsfeed every day. I don't like Trump and it would be nice if he was no longer President, but I am just so tired of having that drilled by everybody I know.

That's part of the problem. A bigger part is that it seems like my posts don't turn up in my friends' newsfeeds. You're all aware of the rumors about Facebook's algorithms that limit the posts you see to around 25 of your friends. Because I had only 100 friends, this didn't seem to be the case. I would see everyone's posts. But if you have more than 300, you're certainly not going to see everything. This means I get lost in the shuffle for most of my friends. I see my friends post stuff and they get 40 or 50 reactions and comments. Most of the time, I'll post something and it lands like a dull thud.

This is how the algorithms seem to work: If you have a friend and you frequently react and comment on their posts, they will continue to show up in your feed. I you have friends you don't do that for, then you don't see them as much. In order for others to see my posts, one of my friends needs to see it and react to it. When that happens, mutual friends will then see it and they might react, causing more people to see it. This is my theory of how it all works. And of course, you can always visit the profiles of all your friends and see all their posts individually without having to like them. When you do this, you'll likely find that the reason why you haven't seen a post from someone in years is because they haven't posted anything in years. They've given up on Facebook, like I'm doing now, without completely removing themselves.

(I actually have several "friends" who abandoned their profiles and started up new ones. They just didn't want to be deluged with friend requests from people they didn't really know.)

Another reason I want to stop using Facebook is because they've stopped notifying me when my friends are having birthdays. I always posted messages on my friends' timelines because Facebook let me know when to do that. If they're not telling me when the birthdays are, that means they're not telling my friends when it's my birthday.

Even worse is that I'm no longer getting friend requests. If I do get one, it's probably a catfisher. I actually had a few friends I suspected were catfishers, but they never even DM'd me. I mean, you must be a real loser if a catfisher doesn't even bother to follow up.

So, you're probably wondering why I don't just delete my account. Well, there are reasons. Number one is that I need an active account to do Video Chats with my Mom and her husband on Messenger. It's the only way she can do a video face to face with her grandson. I also have other friends that I will occasionally DM because I don't have their phone numbers.

And while I'm going to stop posting on my profile, I will continue to post on my Apink fan page "Apink Updates and My Loser Blog." It's nice because it tracks how many people have seen my posts and I actually get a lot more reactions than I do on my profile. If you enjoy seeing this blog show up in your Facebook feed, you're going to need to like this page because I will continue to share it there.

It should also be noted that I'm doing the same thing with my Instagram account. Those of you who follow me will no longer see me posting photos there. I have to keep that active because of who I follow.

However, you'll find me continuing to post on my Twitter account. But you're just going to get all the stuff I share on my Apink/Blog page and whatever I feel like replying to. It is not taking the place of Facebook. I will also keep my YouTube channel and will occasionally produce new content.

And if you know my real name, I also have a LinkedIn account. But I rarely post there and it's usually just work-related blog posts that I share.

And I'm not asking anyone to boycott Facebook or stop sharing on their profiles. If you're getting a positive experience out of it, you should continue. I've just decided it's no longer for me.

Aradiant: A Post-Mortem

Aradiant turned out to be one of those companies that could not fully recover in the aftermath of the dot-com bust. Their main advantage is that they had an infrastructure in place long before the boom happened, so they were better equipped to deal with a sudden loss in the majority of their business. But it wasn't enough to keep their head above water.

Prior to the round of layoffs that resulted in the termination of my employment, the company had sunk a lot of money into Research and Development to find new ways they could capitalize on untapped market potential. But they came up empty-handed. They determined that operator-based text messaging and the Servistream website service were the only two areas they had proficiency in and looked more to supporting that end of the business. One of the things they were able to get a commitment on was that Verizon was going to send all the business for their alpha-numeric pagers through Aradiant beginning in 2002. That amounted to 4,000 accounts.

In February of 2002, the San Diego Padres looked to Aradiant to handle their ticket sales. They wanted to dump out of TicketMaster. And there was a possibility that if it went well, the Chargers would follow suit. The Padres deal would help keep the center afloat seven months out of the year. I never knew if the Chargers decided to use the service, but that wouldn't have had a much impact as they only played around 10 or so games at home every year (including pre-season).

After that, me keeping up with the company got rather sketchy. I know that my former Supervisor Camd attempted to become a Supervisor for the Servistream side. However, they left an important requirement for the position off of the company posting and didn't tell him he didn't qualify until after they filled the job.

During this time, the popularity of phone to phone text messaging skyrocketed, eliminating the need for dispatch agents. About a year later, Camd got caught up in the next wave of layoffs. He had disciplinary action on his record, so even though he had the most seniority out of all the Supervisors, he was let go. We've managed to keep in touch over the last few years and are currently connected on LinkedIn. He's the Project Director of a non-profit organization in San Diego.

I know of one dispatch agent from my team who was still with the company as of 2005. I actually located that guy. He's now a desktop technician at Navy Federal Credit Union. I'm glad he was able to find stable work.

I know that there were plans to relocate operations in Tijuana. I recall going to the company website and it was very ambiguous about what service they provided. Reading stuff on-line, it looks like they went into providing tech support for various software companies. I don't know when they finally went out of business. However, the name is now being used by a manufacturer of coating and drying machinery in Pennsylvania.

But for a significant period of time, Aradiant/NDC was an important part of the electronic communications industry and provided jobs for so many people I knew in San Diego. It wasn't the best job for everybody, but it was great for me while I was there.

The Second Round, Part 2

The night I got laid off from Aradiant, I got a call from Camd, my former Supervisor. He just wanted to check up on me and make sure I was alright. I told him about how I had turned in my 30 day notice for my apartment and made arrangements for a place to move.

He said that the Supervisors and LDAs had their schedules severely adjusted. He was lucky because he had the most seniority and had first pick at the available shifts. He actually got to keep his same shift of working 6am - 3pm Monday through Friday. But everyone else had schedules that were messed up. There was one LDA shift that had weird hours every day (mostly overnight) and didn't get two days off in a row. The seniority of the LDAs had been determined by how long they had been in the position. He said some of the LDAs were furious at the shifts and they DEMANDED severance packages. He didn't know if they were going to get them.

One thing I discovered was that I still had access to my work e-mail account. I couldn't believe they didn't just deactivate everyone. One of the things I saw was an e-mail by the President of the company which detailed a 10-point plan they had for reorganizing, including moving everyone in the Balboa building to Chesapeake. (I'll bet those executives who got to keep their jobs didn't like that.)

But I also saw that there were a couple of LDAs from my termination meeting who had been restored to their previous positions (but not shifts). They would be showing up and would have to be let in because their badges had been deactivated. This meant that a couple of LDAs who originally remained had managed to finagle some type of severance. But I have no idea if the returning LDAs had to return the money they had received.

A couple of days later, I saw that one of the LDAs who got his job back decided to just quit. I guess he got that one cruddy shift. In his resignation e-mail, he said something along the lines of, "The Lord needs his creatures to sleep." I don't remember that in the Bible.

I was so mad at him for just walking away from that. I would have given anything to have been asked to come back, even with those cruddy hours. Was he not even aware that he was getting paid at least $1.25 more an hour to work that shift? He would have gotten more than two years' worth of raises right there! And I still was not on the immediate list to be asked back to work. In fact, I saw that there was a lot of griping about the individual who was asked to replace him. His old Supervisor sent an e-mail in his defense. (I did get the idea that Camd griped the most about it because he wanted me to return, but he never said anything about it.)

And this brings me to my biggest issue with how these layoffs were handled. They did not take ANY measures to ensure that there were open positions available for us to slide into. I'm certain that just about all the LDAs were willing to go back to being dispatch agents. I know that we had just hired at least 12 new dispatch agents in the previous two months. They should have known that layoffs were imminent and taken measures to put a freeze on hiring. (Maybe that would have been a problem. The recruiting department would have taken note of a freeze and alerted everyone.)

In my opinion, this is how they should have handled the layoffs: First, they have 12 shifts available. Then, they call in the five Supervisors they want to lay off. They make this offer: Severance package or demotion to LDA. If anybody takes the package, they then meet with all the LDAs, except for the ones with the most seniority who are keeping their current position. Offer the LDAs in the meeting a choice between the severance package or a demotion to dispatch agent. Most would go back to answering phones and sending messages for a mildly lower rate of pay. Everybody gets what they want. And this was the impression of what we thought was going to happen when they had the first round of layoffs.

I think that what happened during that first round was that more people than they expected chose to go back to being dispatch agents instead of taking the severance package. They figured they wouldn't make that an option this time.

And of course, there was the problem with how they used two different forms of seniority in the process. When determining who to layoff, they did it by amount of time the employee had been with the company. When they assigned shifts, they did it by the amount of time the employee had been a LDA. And when it came to asking the laid off LDAs to come back, they went by who had the most company seniority.

I would have been laid off no matter which version of seniority was chosen, but I'm still angry that they weren't willing to do anything to keep us employed. I do have to admit that was probably the best time for me to get out. I would run into the people I used to work with. While they were still with the company, they said it had become a terrible place to work because everyone knew that the end was coming. A Supervisor I spoke with said they were losing so many employees left and right through attrition and was concerned that when she got laid off, there wouldn't be a actual severance package with the additional weeks of pay like I got.

I did manage to get one little last bit of pay out of Aradiant. There was an issue that went unresolved before I was laid off. Supervisors and LDAs were eligible for a monthly bonus based on team performance. It was equivalent to about $150. Camd did something wrong which kept us from getting the bonus for August, but I argued that shouldn't have had anything to do with me getting it. A couple of weeks after losing the job, I was asked to fill out a survey regarding the layoff. It allowed me to make comments and I wrote that I didn't get any confirmation regarding the outcome of that bonus. Someone from HR called me up and said they took exception with my statement. I was about to start arguing my case, but a little voice whispered inside my head and said, "This is one of those times you will get what you want by keeping your mouth shut, so don't say another word." I kept listening and she kept talking. She said they would go ahead and send me a check for the bonus. I was surprised. I wished that little voice would have made more appearances throughout my life.

Not long after that, my company e-mail account was finally deactivated. Even though this was the end of my connection with Aradiant, it was not the end of the company.

More tomorrow. (But no more after that.)

The Second Round, Part 1

I had survived the first round of layoffs at Aradiant three months prior. At the time, I thought I would have some job security for about a year.

As mentioned in yesterday's post, I had received a phone call on Halloween from the Manager that my attendance would be required at a meeting at 10am on 11/01/01. Even though a lot of bad stuff had happened at work recently, including the day I got the call, I was mildly optimistic that the meeting would be a simple discussion of current issues, like the CEO having stepped down the day before.

I arrived at work on 11/01/01 and started setting up at a different Supervisor station. Since my Supervisor Camd and I had to be close to our team members, we had to share a station with another Supervisor team. This was the first time we'd have to do that since I became an LDA. I really didn't like the idea of having to share space like that because that meant that someone else could have access to the employee records of those on my team. I actually hoped that some other Supervisor team would get laid off so that we could have the station all to ourselves.

Camd came in at 6am. I asked him if he was going to the meeting at 10am. He didn't know what I was talking about. After we had talked to some of the other Supervisors and LDAs, we found out that some of the Supervisors had a meeting at 8am and there was a meeting for some Quality Assurance members at 9am. At this point, we were aware they were likely announcing layoffs, but we didn't know for certain if they were laying off the people at the meetings or those who weren't. (Yeah, we were being REALLY optimistic. It wouldn't have made sense to have meetings with those who were going to stay and THEN tell the others they no longer had jobs.)

I remember one LDA saying she hoped it would be bad news, because when the Manager called her about the meeting, it happened before she took her kid trick or treating and she worried about it the whole time. She felt it wrecked Halloween.

The first meeting with the Supervisors took place at 8am. At 8:20am, I saw the overnight Supervisor come to her station and start packing her stuff. She had tears in her eyes. (I thought this was really cruddy. They made her work her entire overnight shift and then come to the meeting at 8am to lay her off.) It was at this point I could no longer be in denial. If we were being called to a meeting, we were being laid off. I felt my heart sink very deeply into my chest. I was not ready for this. Even worse was that I was going to have to wait almost two hours to be told I no longer had a job.

I also found out that the Manager who had called out sick the day before had been laid off. People were coming up to her expressing their sorrow. She was working hard to be positive, but I could tell she was just as disappointed as they were. I also got the idea that she found out ahead of time what was going to happen and that was why she called out sick on Halloween.

The dispatch agents on my team were very concerned about me. They didn't want me to go. I didn't want to go, either. I realized that up to that point in my life, this had been the best job I'd ever had. I didn't want it to end like this. I spent the time before the meeting moping around. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. All I could do was figure out what I was going to do when I left.

The 9am meeting with QA and other staff members took place. I caught up with someone I had been rather friendly with, shook his hand and said goodbye. He didn't spend any time hanging around afterward.

It then came our time for the meeting. There were about five of us LDAs in the room with the lone remaining Call Center Manager and a member of the HR team. We were each given a packet. One person showed up a little late. She asked for a packet. Another LDA said she didn't want one of those packets.

The meeting started and we were officially informed that we would no longer be working for Aradiant. In the packet, we each got our final check, which consisted of the hours we'd worked in the current pay period, any unused vacation time, a week's worth of pay plus an additional week for each year that we had worked for the company. This meant I got three weeks' worth (even though I had been there a little less than two years). They determined who would get laid off based on seniority. The seniority consisted of how long we had each been working for the company. Those with the lowest amount of seniority were chosen to be laid off first. So, it was not about who had been an LDA the shortest amount of time. (Because there was an LDA who had been with the company five years and had just gotten a promotion three months prior. She was not among those being laid off.) They picked the ones with the least seniority because that meant they would be paying less in severance packages. (And it didn't matter which version of seniority they used. I still would have been among those getting laid off.)

Also in the packet was information about applying for Unemployment. There were details about programs that could help us find work. In addition, we would continue to receive our medical and dental benefits through the end of the year. This part was at least beneficial to me as I was finishing up the first level of dental work that I had started. I just wasn't going to be able to have the other stuff done that had been discussed, like getting fillings and having my wisdom teeth removed.

But this situation was worse than having my teeth yanked out. I hadn't been suddenly unemployed in more than eight years. I recalled how tough things were when I was on unemployment. At least I had more money to last me this time.

Finally, the LDA with the kid asked THE question: "Why aren't we being offered an opportunity to go back to work as dispatch agents?" The Manager replied, "Because there are no shifts available." (Remember that sentence I said was important during the First Round? I'll comment more in tomorrow's post.)

We were told we could take our time collecting our personal items and saying goodbye to everyone. This was good. I didn't feel like rushing out of there like the QA guy. I went over to the station, got an empty box and started putting my stuff in it. The first thing I noticed was that my legal-sized clipboard was missing. This actually belonged to me! I'd stolen it from the Hillcrest Cinemas when I was fired from there and I was going to make sure that came with me! I finally found it underneath a couple of other items. This meant Camd had hidden it there.

I also decided to take a few office supplies. I got a box of alcohol wipes that were frequently used to wipe down the headphone mouthpieces and keyboards. I knew these would come in handy at home. It didn't look like anybody cared what I took home with me. My main regret was that I didn't take more.

I went around and said goodbye to everyone. A couple of people, including a woman named Verz, gave me their e-mail addresses. I said goodbye to Camd and said I'd keep in touch. I went with a group of the Supervisors and LDAs to have a group photo taken.

I went to the bank and deposited the check. When I was looking at the pay stub, I realized that they miscalculated my remaining vacation hours. I had recently gone on a vacation that took up seven work days. I had already received the paycheck for that time. However, there were clearly 16 hours more of vacation on my final check than there should have been. They must have figured my final check when I was still on the first 40 hours of vacation and didn't include the other 16. This was one thing that worked out in my favor. I got an extra two days of pay.

After going home, the first thing I did was get on my computer and print out a letter to give the property management company. It was my notice that I would be moving out in 30 days. I knew I wouldn't be able to afford my own place. After that, I tried to call Unemployment. At the beginning of the call, a recording came on and stated that Unemployment benefits would be increasing after January 1st. (This was something that happened in the aftermath of 9/11.) It recommended that I wait until January to file a new Unemployment claim. I figured that what I could do is find a seasonal job, work at that through January and then file a claim. That would carry me through.

After Abed and Pesd got home from work, I went over and told them what happened. Abed said to Pesd, "See? All this is happening because of 9/11!" I then asked them if I could move back in until I could get back on my feet and find my own place. They happened to be in a bit of a financial bind at the time, so they agreed.

But there was a lot of stuff that took place in the immediate aftermath of the layoffs. I'll get into that tomorrow.

As a side note: I know this had nothing to do with me getting laid off, but because of all the crazy stuff that happened during and after Halloween, I have never again gone out of my way to make a special costume to wear to work.

Hard Work for Halloween

Halloween was a special day at NDC. In 2000, I was surprised at how many Supervisors and other superiors higher up the chain took part in wearing costumes to work. Two of the Call Center Managers dressed up like cowboys, the other Manager dressed up like Cruella DeVil and had two employees dress like dalmatians. The Director of Operations dressed like the Evil Queen from "Snow White." There was also a contest for the dispatch agents to take part in and prizes were awarded. It was a great day of fun at work.

That particular year, I wore a suit and had freshly shaved my head. (This was just after I had become the LDA and the team members had never seen me with REALLY short hair.) I also went around work without my glasses. It took many a while to figure out who I was. I looked like someone really important at the company. Even one of the Managers came up and tried to introduce himself before he realized it was me.

But this wasn't really a costume. I didn't do any hard work on it. But for 2001, I wanted to go all out. I decided to make my own costume. And I came up with one that I knew no one else was going to do. I decided to go as Guy Pierce's character Leonard from the film "Memento." I went to Kmart and bought a beige-colored sweat suit and white boxer shorts. The DVD had recently come out and I rented it. One of the extras was a tattoo gallery that showed all the tattoos. I took a black magic marker and recreated all the tattoos onto the specific areas of the sweat suit. I was going to wear the boxers on the outside so that I would resemble his appearance from the black and white sections of the film.

I was all ready to go for Halloween. However, on October 30th, something took place that sort of put a pall on the fun. All the Supervisors and LDAs were called into the conference room. One of the Managers and the Director of Operations had an announcement. We were told that the flex-time employees had all received notice that they had been laid off. We were all shocked. Someone asked if they were offered regular shifts. The Manager said that there were no shifts available. The flex-time employees no longer had jobs.

There were no flex-time employees on my team, so I never really knew how that worked. I did know that it meant that there were a few people who were going to be out of work and they probably weren't expecting it. I felt bad for them.

I wore my costume the next day. Everyone thought it was a good costume, but most of them hadn't seen the film, so they didn't totally get it. (I wonder if they get it now that Christopher Nolan is considered among the elite film directors.) But I noticed a few strange things that day. The first was that the Manager who dressed up as Cruella DeVil called out sick that day. Also, the other Manager and the Director didn't wear costumes. It was already starting to feel like less fun than it was the year before.

And the fun level dropped even more later in the day. The Manager and the Director called the Supervisors and LDAs from the Balboa side into the conference room. We were told that we were going to stop taking calls on the Balboa server effective immediately. That moment there, I felt downright stupid wearing my costume. If I'd known serious stuff like that was going to take place, I would have been better off wearing my suit again.

We went out and quickly told all the dispatch agents one by one that they needed to get off the phone when they finished their current call and find a station on the other side. While we were getting the last of them out, I logged on and took a couple of calls. To the best of my knowledge, I was the last person to take a call on the Balboa server.

The rest of the shift went okay. I posed for a photo to be used in the costume contest and went home at my regular time.

Late in the afternoon, I got a call from the Manager. He told me that I would need to be at a meeting at 10am the next day. He said they'd be giving more details at the meeting. I checked my work e-mail from home. A notice was sent out that the CEO had resigned, effective immediately. I figured this was what the meeting was going to be about.

After everything else that had happened that day and the day before, all the fun vanished from Halloween that night. I wasn't certain what to expect the next day.

A Quiet Moment of Reflection

In this blog, I've written about a lot of crazy stuff that has happened to me. I don't often write about little things that have had a lot of impact, but this happens to be one of those times.

In 2001, I was hanging out at Lestat's with Fraz and a couple of her friends. Jesd was a woman who was a little younger than us and Esd was a man a little older. I knew them fairly well from the barbecue events that Fraz would occasionally organize at her home. (And there was one at Jesd's home.) I don't recall if Fraz invited me to come to Lestat's or if they were there when I happened to come one evening. (I only lived a few blocks away. I went there A LOT!)

For the most part, the conversation centered around discussing scandalous situations involving celebrities. I refrained from getting too involved and just listened to the three of them go on and on about people we didn't know. I honestly didn't have anything better to do that moment.

All of a sudden, Esd said, "Hey, do you know what my HIV counselor told me today? He said that half of the gay men in San Diego are HIV positive!" I immediately thought, "Oh, wow! We're talking about something really interesting. This is a topic that really matters!"

And then I started thinking back to when I was in college. At the time, I didn't think I was a different person than I was in high school. I hadn't felt like I had changed that much in my attitude or in the way I thought about people. Because of this, I figured I was always going to be the same person. Everything else around me would change, but I would remain just as I am, just as I was and just as I would be.

I realized that if the person I was 15 years earlier had been sitting at a table with someone who indicated he had HIV or AIDS, I would have stood up and walked away. Not only was I ignorant about the disease, but I was still homophobic. I was aware that several of the male students I considered friends back then were likely gay, but as long as they didn't talk about that aspect of their lives, I could deal with them as if they were straight. I did not want them to confirm my suspicions. But they never knew this was going on in my head. They probably thought I was cool with it. I wasn't. I should be thankful that they were probably a little scared to discuss that, but it stinks that, because of people like me, they didn't feel like they could be completely honest with their friends or themselves.

So yes, I had changed. I was now comfortable being around LGBTQ people without being concerned about me reacting in a negative way. I had learned to accept people for who they were, regardless of their sexual orientation. I looked forward to hearing more about this HIV revelation and how it was going to impact Esd.

And then they went right back to dishing dirt on celebrities. DAMN!

Tired of Towin' the Line

It seems like I'm always having issues with parking in my neighborhood.



This was a close call I didn't enjoy very much.

The 9/11 Protest

I wrote about my 9/11 experience a month ago. Now that it's 10/11, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on something that took place shortly afterward.

In the aftermath of 9/11, we were facing the possibility that the United States would be going to war. A lot of my friends and I did not like the looks of that prospect. A march was organized to take place in Downtown San Diego on Saturday, 09/22/01. (I had no part of the organization. I was simply told it was taking place and was invited to come.)

I arrived at the meeting location outside Horton Plaza. There were about 200 people gathered. I caught up with a few people I knew. Fairly soon, we were marching on the sidewalks. Many people carried signs that said, "No War!"

While we were marching, we got so many bewildered and frustrated looks from those we walked past. It was like they were trying to say, "How dare you!" I actually was not expecting this strong a reaction. We didn't stir up this much emotion when we took to the streets to support Ralph Nader. I remember this one guy coming up to us and SCREAMING at us all red-faced, almost like someone he knew personally died in the attacks.

I didn't personally engage with anyone who didn't agree with what we were doing. But I was close by when the red-faced man was having an animated discussion with one of my friends. He continued SCREAMING, even though she was two feet away from him and wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise. It was like he absolutely wanted everyone loosely connected with the attacks to die and die horribly.

I wondered how many who saw us suddenly became aware for the first time that there were people who would be against going to war. Did anybody even consider the possibility that there were a large number of people who did not support going to war? At the very least, we didn't support just jumping into war right away. We wanted the government to thoroughly investigate the terror attacks, determine who was responsible and take appropriate measures. I honestly couldn't see why anyone would find that unreasonable.

There were similar marches held across the country. As much attention as they received, they had no significant impact. We went to war.

Eventually, the public at large got very frustrated with the outcome. I wondered if anyone who shook their heads at us that day, including the red-faced man, looks back and thinks, "They were right. We should have listened."

Connected to the World

Prior to 2001, my main experience with the Internet had been using my workplace's AOL account. I actually got into trouble when someone I'd chatted with IM'd the account when my boss was on-line. When I was on vacation, I had also used my Mom's and Loyd's AOL accounts. I once got Loyd suspended from chatting for five minutes. I think it was because there was a user named "JellyFeet" in a room I was in and I asked what their feet tasted like, so I got reported.

For my birthday in 2001, Mom got me a NEC laptop computer. It was an older one that Loyd used to use. He gave it to Mom. She got a better computer, so she decided to give it to me and pay for a full year of AOL. She warned me about a couple of issues. The first was that the battery wouldn't hold a charge, which meant you had to keep it plugged in all the time. It was no longer portable unless you had someplace to plug it in. The second: You had to push something to get the phone hookup to appear. I had no idea what she was talking about until the laptop arrived in the mail.

I took it out and examined it. Fortunately, Loyd and Mom had managed to keep the original case and instructions. I finally found the hookup. You pressed on this one area and it popped out. It wasn't apparent at first that this was what you plugged the phone into, but it was and it worked. It also had a floppy disc drive and a CD drive. These were separate components. You had to swap them out and could only use one at a time. One of the first things I did was get this floppy disc I had gotten at the Comic-Con and stuck it in. I couldn't get the material to properly appear, but it did contain the latest version of AOL. I was able to install that.

I then followed the directions to set up an account. Mom gave me her credit card number. But when I called AOL, they said they had to speak to the owner of the credit card. I had to call my Mom to call them up and set up my AOL. She called me back and told me what my user name and password were. She tried to get me the name fayd@aol.com. However, someone already had that, so I had to settle for fayd11. (I guess fayd #1 - #10 were all taken. Who knew there were so many fayds out there?)

But I was connected to the rest of the universe. I looked forward to chatting, joking around and attempting to meet women. I managed to do all of that and more. You'll learn about those adventures in the coming months.

A couple of years later, I decided to get off of AOL and go to a different ISP. My Mom had to contact them to shut off the account. You're likely aware of the tactics AOL used to use to keep people from closing their accounts. At this time, they offered three months for free and she said she had a hard time telling them no. I'm glad I never had to deal with them except for that time I tried to set it up. (I wondered if they got so desperate for accounts that they stopped checking the identities of people trying to sign up with someone else's credit card.) I saw that later on, they stopped offering the additional three months to anyone trying to close. They did everything in their power to avoid doing that.

But if I hadn't had that computer at that time in my life, I have no idea where I would be today. Thanks, Mom, for giving me that.

Art dumps on us

In 2001, Abed and I were invited to perform at a couple of art happenings in San Diego. They were both organized by Erid, who had put together the Hotels/Motels event in 2000. We were both excited about the opportunity to also be considered part of the local art scene. It was set to take place at the Sushi Gallery in Downtown San Diego. It would be a mixture of various art and music forms.

A lot of people we'd collaborated with from the experimental music scene were also invited to take part, including Ferd, Marrad and Hird. It was shaping up to be a major happening.

Prior to the event, I had read an article in the San Diego Reader about a local DJ who was going to be part of a big mob music and dance experience. He was told he would get to set up outside the bathrooms. He felt that was beneath his level of experience and reputation, so he turned it down. I could see his point. I would consider that an insult as well. But certainly, it would be a good opportunity for someone just starting out.

Abed and I arrived to find someone presenting himself as a live exhibit outside the front door of Sushi. He was wearing a chef's hat with "@" on the front. He was sitting down next to a typewriter, a music stand and other items on a table. Hofd (who covered the Hotels/Motels event) was taking photos of him, Erid was shooting video of Hofd taking the photos and Hird was behind a sign, watching everything. I brought my camera and took a few photos.

We went inside where a lot of artists were setting up their displays. We caught up with our experimental music friends while they were preparing their equipment. A lot of people were already taking part in the interactive displays. There was a wall with poster paper and paints in which attendees were invited to contribute to a larger artwork. I saw an ex-girlfriend of Abed's and this cute woman with short dark hair adding to the display. I took pictures of them.

At some point, Abed had been given a time and location where we were supposed to perform. A few minutes before we were supposed to start, we determined that we were delegated to performing in the foyer area outside the main exhibit hall, RIGHT NEXT TO THE BATHROOMS! We knew we were in the right place because there was a DJ who was playing music. I could tell he didn't like the location either. Abed and I decided to make the best of it and waited for him to stop and take down his equipment. Even though it was about five minutes before our scheduled slot, he continued playing. He was definitely not going to stop until his hour was up, even though we were the only two people paying any attention. This meant he would be cutting into our time and we'd have to waste more getting our stuff ready. Abed said, "Let's go back inside and set up there."

We started getting our instruments ready next to Ferd's ensemble, who had just finished their set. Just then, this guy came up and asked if we would play while his group performed their poetry. We agreed and we were able to perform experimental music as background to their verbal presentation. But one member of the group was really upset that we were were drowning them out and started to shout his poetry. Soon, all he was saying was "This is noise! This is noise!" over and over. I could tell he wanted us to stop, but we were still upset about the bathroom insult, so we didn't care what anybody thought at that point. It seemed like some members of the audience believed it was part of the act. We joked later about how we should do a reunion.

A few weeks later, Erid invited us to be part of a smaller event at a coffeehouse in Downtown San Diego. We were going to perform our songs in addition to experimental music. After we arrived, I noticed the cute woman from Sushi there. I told her I remembered her from the Sushi event. Her name was Iaz and she did video art, along with other forms of expression. We talked for a bit. I got brave and asked for her phone number.

Abed had originally been told by Erid that we were going to go on at 11pm. However, I guess something happened and things got started late. We had to wait for this one guy to do his thing first. He could best be described as a Jewish rapper. He was pretty good, but we were getting irritated because we were supposed to go on at that time. Abed kept trying to talk to Erid, but all he would do was shrug his shoulders. The Jewish rapper finished his set around 11:45pm. By this time, the peak crowd had dissipated. Our performance went well, but we didn't like that we could have had a larger audience if we had gone on at the time we were told.

A few days later, I called Iaz. I told her Abed and I were going to be doing a show at Lestat's with Hend. She said she would definitely be there. I was rather excited about this. She did show up. And so did Erid. In fact, without them being that close to each other, I got the distinct impression that they were a couple. This was not apparent at the last two events. In addition, the Jewish rapper was there, too. It appeared Iaz and Erid had asked him to come, too.

I didn't know what to make of this. I mean, I felt like all Erid did was show us disrespect at the last two bookings. But I couldn't stay mad at him if he was willing to come out and support us like this and bring other people. It's nice when someone helps to increase the size of your audience. It makes you feel like you're doing something worth other people's time.

As it turned out, Erid and Iaz were a couple and did get married. They're still married and I'm friends with both of them on Facebook. I don't know what happened to the Jewish rapper.

The First Round

In 2001, NDC made a few drastic changes. Since the Servistream division provided live customer service for a number of websites, the company was no longer specializing in sending out dispatches to alpha-numeric pagers. The company was re-inventing itself in order to adjust for the everchanging world of communications.

The first step was to change the name to Aradiant. A big unveiling ceremony was held at the Balboa facility. One of the agents on my team got to take part in the unfurling of the banner with the new name on it. And they held a catered barbecue. It was all very exciting at the time.

A couple of months later, we got word that the executives were looking to expand the Servistream operations. They needed the floor space where the call center was. We were going to have to move to the Chesapeake location. Nobody at Balboa liked that idea. I didn't like it, either. One person said that when she moved from Chesapeake to Balboa, it seemed like she was moving up. Now, she felt like she was being pushed back down.

We all got to work in a section of the Chesapeake center that remained on the Balboa server. There were people who used to work in that section (without working in Balboa) and were later made to work in the main section. A few of them thought they were going to get to come back. I don't know what the big deal was. It wasn't really better in our section. It was considerably smaller.

Two days after we started working at Chesapeake, a former dispatch agent who was working as the receptionist at Balboa came over to Chesapeake for her lunch. She came to tell us that layoffs were taking place over there. A lot of the executive staff were being let go. She said she couldn't stand to be over there with everything going down. Very soon, we started receiving e-mails that certain people were no longer with the company.

Then we found out that the Manager of the Balboa Call Center was among those who had been laid off. I felt bad as he was the one of those interviewed me for my current position. In addition, he had recently been recognized as a "Star" in the annual Employee of the Year awards. I know he didn't see this coming. We were now left with two Call Center Managers. I could see the point. With everyone under one roof now, we didn't need three Managers.

All of the LDAs received an e-mail informing us of a meeting that afternoon to discuss what had happened with the layoffs. I was told that I could come to the meeting, but since it was outside of my regular work hours, I couldn't get paid for it. I didn't mind. I wanted to see what was going on.

There were probably seven of us LDAs at that meeting. It was led by the Director of Operations and one of the two remaining Managers. We were told about the restructuring of the company. They said that the layoffs were determined first by those who had disciplinary actions on their record, followed by seniority. Those who were being removed from their positions were given a choice: They could either take the severance package or continue to work for the company as a dispatch agent in the call center. (Please pay close attention to that last sentence. It will become very important in a later post.) I got the idea that they really didn't offer the lowest level call center jobs to the top executives. I later determined that they were talking about the Manager who was laid off and some people from the Quality Assurance department.

One of the other LDAs asked if it was recommended that we all start looking for another job. The Director said that this was going to be the only round of layoffs for the foreseeable future. The restructuring would help strengthen the company and it would be beneficial in the long run. We left that meeting without a lot of confidence. However, we did feel that if there were layoffs again, we would still have jobs, albeit at a lower rate of pay. But it would definitely be better than not having a job and being on unemployment.

The next day, one of the former members of the QA team showed up in our section. He had only been promoted to the position just a couple of months prior. He had accepted the dispatch agent position. He said the bad thing was that he had a better insurance plan with QA and was scheduled to have surgery for some issue. Now that he was back on the dispatch agent insurance, he would have to pay more out of pocket and he couldn't afford it.

Later that week, a Supervisor and LDA were both laid off. (The LDA did not attend the meeting.) I got the idea that they were not offered to return to the dispatch agent position.

At the time, I was optimistic that I would be able to keep working at Aradiant at least another year. But you probably already know that didn't happen.

The End of the Personal Ad Era (1988 - 2001)

I look back at this and I realized I spent 13 years of my life trying to find dates through personal ads. I turned 37 in 2001, so that means that more than a third of my life up to that point was spent using this method. Regardless of all the terrible outcomes, it was still the best way for me to meet women who were interested in dating and potential relationships.

But out of all the women I met through the ads, I only got two actual girlfriends and two Close Calls. During this same period, I had three girlfriends and one Close Call through regular socializing. It was really a toss-up between the two.

So, why wasn't I more successful at this? I'd have to blame my looks more than anything else. I'm certain a lot of the women I talked to enjoyed the sound of my voice but were unimpressed with what they saw when we met. (This was also an issue when I worked in radio.) Even when I decided to cut my hair short, it didn't seem to help. It did not make me better looking, just a lot less interesting. I always got the idea that a woman would see me and think right away, "There is no way I'm going to have sex with that guy!" And for most of this era, I wasn't even planning on getting that far, but I'll bet they thought that was all I was thinking about.

I also had a tendency to be myself. I couldn't pull off pretending to be something I'm not. I had a tendency to be straightforward and didn't do much in the filtering department as far as personal information. I could be perceived as being a boring person, because I didn't drink or do drugs. At least you couldn't say I was being dishonest.

I should add that I met a whole lot more women through the personal ads than I have chronicled in this blog. I didn't write about many of them because there weren't enough interesting things that were worth documenting, at least not in full-length articles. But I still want to mention them. In most cases, I never heard from them again after the date.

The White Goth I met this woman with white spiky hair. Our date consisted of eating breakfast at some hipster doofus cafe and then going to a museum in Denver. There was a room called the "Gothic Room." It was not the same kind of gothic.

Pool Dolphin Our date consisted of a round of pool at The Society in Pacific Beach. I'm not a very good pool player, but I was much better at it than she was. She left and said I could continue playing as she had paid for a full hour. I realized five minutes later that she had ditched me.

"Taxi" Episode I could have written an article about this one. She was a single mother from Ramona and had a good phone personality. I probably had a hard time concealing my disappointment that she was very overweight. I kept hoping she'd display the personality she had on the phone, but she didn't smile the whole time. After we ate, I tried to end the date, but she didn't want to leave yet. I guess it was a very rare night away from her kid and she was intent on getting the most out of it, even if she wasn't having a good time.

Not Overweight This woman had been in the military and said she was fat. When I met her in person, she was maybe 30 pounds overweight. The first thing I told her was that she was not fat. We talked a couple of times after the meeting. I called and left messages. Once I got her roommate on the phone. The roommate told me she thought I had an amazing voice. Later, "N.O." told me she didn't want me to call anymore. I was trying not to seem uncouth at the time, but I wished I had asked if her roommate was available.

Music Fan This one knew a lot of people in the local music scene, many of whom I knew as well. We even pinpointed a night we were both at the Casbah. Even though I thought it went well, she never called me again. The odd thing was that Jenz happened to see us together at Balboa Park and told Fraz about it. She indicated that I was very animated.

Loony Bin This woman I never met, but we had several phone conversations and set up an actual date. I was supposed to call her at a specific time to finalize. I called and instead of her voice mail, I got a message that there was an error. When I called back, there was a new outgoing message and at the end, she said, "And if this is Fayd, I'm sorry, but I had to cancel. I'll explain later!" She never picked up the phone again. A few days later, her outgoing message said she had gone to the loony bin and didn't know when she'd be back. Later, that phone was disconnected.

The Cyclist We had a decent conversation when we met. I tried calling her back a few times, but she didn't pick up. She finally called back and left a voice mail, thanking me for the attention I was giving her, but I wasn't her type. A few months later, she and some guy were riding bicycles and she said hi to me. I never saw her again.

Miss Talky I remember what she looked like, but I don't recall much else, except that she did most of the talking. This was one I decided not to pursue further, but she didn't even try calling me again.

Good Arm I didn't meet this one. During our first conversation, she said she lived within a stone's throw of the Park Theatre in San Diego "with a good arm." Then she said she had to get off the phone to mow the lawn. Since I lived in the vicinity, I tried running around to find someone mowing the lawn. I wasn't successful. The next time we talked, she said she'd met some other guy and they really hit it off.

Indecisive I had arranged to meet this woman at Starbucks. I bought something to drink and waited outside. A woman matching her description walked toward the door and was looking at me before she walked past and went inside. A few minutes later, she came out and introduced herself (but she hadn't bought a drink). She didn't seem to enjoy being there with me. The weird thing was that she used to work at NDC before I started working there.

Elmo's Sister I met a 20-year-old woman who had someone drop her off at Fashion Valley to meet me. She wanted to marry someone and have 10 kids. I drove her back to the apartment where she lived with her mother and sister. I met the sister, who was about my age. She was WAY more attractive than my date, but she had a high, squeaky voice like Elmo from Sesame Street. Even if I had pulled off ditching the date for her sister, I wouldn't have been able to live with listening to that voice all the time.

Roswell Fan This was a 23-year-old single mother. We seemed to have a lot of common interests, including music and other forms of entertainment. The TV show she was really into was "Roswell." (I had watched the first episode, and while I liked it, I decided to cut back on my TV watching and didn't follow it.) She couldn't get out much because of her baby, but she invited me to come over to her apartment and hang out for a bit. When I arrived, she was smoking and talking to a friend outside her apartment. She wasn't that attractive, but I didn't see that as a problem. I had brought her a present. I'd gotten a free "Roswell" trading card at the recent San Diego Comic-Con. She was excited about receiving it. We went inside and watched an episode of "Roswell." We didn't talk much except details about the show. I then saw a photo of what she looked like all gussied up. I wasn't impressed. I said goodbye and never saw her again.

There have been others that I have alluded to in previous articles. There were only two situations in which the women did not show up for the meeting. Yes, I can assume they scouted for me first and decided I wasn't worth their time. That's fine. I actually rather they not show up than talk to me and make me think there was a chance. That was the real problem. It stunk that I got my hopes up and it stunk even worse that I was always optimistic. But I was really torn up when the meetings appeared to me to be going well. I seriously could not see the signs that this was going to be as far as things went.

What's next? Well, by this point, the Internet Era had already started in 2000 (with Molz). I can tell you right now it was not a better way to meet women. You'll read all about that in the future.

Personal Ad Tease #13: Itaz

I responded to an ad in the Reader. I don't remember what it said, but it indicated that the writer was a single mother who was 26 years old. I left a message and I got a call back the next day. Her name was Itaz We had a pleasant conversation and she wanted to meet me that day after she got off work. She worked at a property management company not too far away from my workplace. She said she got off at 5:30pm and asked me to show up at that time.

She described herself pretty well. She had curly blonde hair and was a little overweight. I found her attractive and she reminded me a little of Jolz (but not so much that it was weird.)

When I arrived at her office, she was sitting behind the desk and some guy was talking to her. This guy appeared to be in his 40s and was wearing a t-shirt and a baseball cap. I sat down. She nodded toward me. The guy kept talking to her. I first, I thought maybe he was a co-worker, but someone who worked there would have stopped the chit-chat as soon as I walked in. I could be a potential tenant or someone there to pay the rent. The best I could figure, this guy worked for another company elsewhere in the office building and just came by because he had nothing better to do after he'd gotten off work.

And he wasn't talking about anything in particular. He was acting like he thought he was being funny and entertaining. Itaz would get up and start putting stuff away and he kept talking. Itaz would look at me from time to time, her eyes saying, "I know, I know." Even worse is that he would act like he'd run out of things to say, and then he's start up again.

Finally, after about 15 minutes of this, he said goodbye and turned around. He saw me and said, "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't know you were waiting." I know I just grunted at him. Itaz said we could go ahead and leave. We'd just go somewhere to eat in my car and then I could bring her back to the office so she could drive home. I remember being so mad about what had just happened that I didn't even want to know who that guy was. I'll tell you this much: It did seem like he was doing that deliberately. I think she may have mentioned something to him about a date and he decided to do his best to c-block me. It almost worked. While I was sitting there, I was thinking about getting up and leaving, but I didn't want to look like a jerk.

While we were driving, she asked where we were going. I said, "Fuddrucker's," which I knew was nearby. She snickered really loudly at that. "What? What's so funny?" "Oh, nothing." (I'll bet you anything that guy predicted beforehand I would take her to Fuddrucker's. But really, it was the only decent place around.)

We had a pleasant dinner and conversation. She talked about her daughter a lot, but didn't really say much about the father. I was actually getting a good feeling from this as I drove her back to her vehicle, which was a pickup.

We continued to talk a few times after that. I kept trying to make plans with her during those calls, but everything was so tentative. I didn't like that she had made that dinner date so quickly, but couldn't commit to anything in the near future.

Then something happened and her daughter had to go to the hospital. She said she needed to devote time to her, but she wanted me to call her again in a couple of weeks. I didn't have a problem with that. I just waited for that time to pass.

You pretty much guess what happened after I did call. She said she had gotten involved with some guy who lived nearby. I was bewildered! How does someone go from not wanting a relationship (for legitimate reasons) to deciding to be with someone just because they're there? She didn't even give me a chance to be that guy.

It made me wish I had just gotten up and left when she couldn't tell that guy to shut up or make any attempt to attend to me. I would have at least left with my dignity. It felt like the only guy who was important to her was whoever happened to be close to her at any given moment.

I didn't know it at the time, but this would be the last time I would meet someone through the personal ads. I'll be taking a look back at this period in my life in tomorrow's post.

Personal Ad Tangle: Kald

I didn't know how to refer to this woman. I couldn't really call her a tease, because that wasn't what she did. She was a bit of a mess, so I thought the best way to describe her was as a tangle.

I responded to Kald's ad. She was in her early 30s. When we talked on the phone, she said that she was divorced and had children, but didn't have custody of them. She was rather eager to meet in person ASAP, so we agreed to meet at Lestat's in about an hour. I actually liked it when the women wanted to meet in person right away. I had found that women who put it off a couple of days or were going to wait for a few more phone conversations were the ones who were most likely to cancel at the last minute.

I arrived at Lestat's first. I sat down and waited close to the sales counter. This was in the middle section, where I couldn't see the front door. I saw a woman come in looking around. I only saw her from the back at first and thought that she had really nice-looking hair. It was long, blonde, straight and clean. As soon as she turned around and saw me, I discovered that was the only positive thing about her.

She wasn't ugly, but you could tell that life had taken a toll on her. Her eyes were rather recessed and she had dark circles underneath. One of her wrists was swollen like a carpel tunnel opened up into a highway. She was probably very pretty a long time ago, but those days were so long gone.

She told me about all the stuff that had happened to her in the last few years and so much of it was bad. She said she had been working as a cashier at a drug store and they fired her for no reason. (But she didn't give what reason they had to fire her.) It almost seemed like she was relieved to have the burden of motherhood taken away from her. I got the idea she needed a lot of help that she was expecting a man to provide for her, but I didn't think that anyone would ever feel that way about her. Even if she was a lot more attractive, I still would have paid attention to all these red flags.

During our conversation, I indicated that we were not going to have any kind of a relationship. I hoped that she would appreciate the honesty, because I had no intention of ever talking to her again. She tried soliciting advice from me, but I didn't even know where to start. All I could do was hope she'd seen as much rejection as I had and that she would know to stay away. But I did try to be friendly at that time.

I never did hear from her again. I don't know where she is now. A couple of days after I'd met her, Abed told me about some woman from San Diego who was talking to Howard Stern on his radio show. She said that she didn't have custody of her children. Howard commented that a woman would have to be pretty messed up to lose her kids. I don't know if that was Kald (and I don't think it was), but I did have to agree with that sentiment.

Personal Ad Teases #11 & #12: Donz and Thez

I've decided to tell the stories of Donz and Thez together because they both had one thing in common with me: They both owned Daewoos, just like me!

This was also during the period in which I was making more of an effort to date women closer to my age. They were both in their early 30s and neither one had children. (But I don't recall if either one was married.) They both had jobs and lived on their own. I don't remember what either one did for a living. I found them through the San Diego Reader.

Donz was tall, attractive and had long brown hair. The one thing I remember from our conversation is that she had been in an auto accident. The air bag deployed. She happened to have turned her head when the bag smacked her in the side of the face. She said it really hurt and she had a bruise on her face, but she was glad she wasn't injured any more than that.

Even though I thought the meeting went very well, Donz never called me again. I don't know what happened to her.

I remember Thez a lot more clearly. In her ad, she mentioned she was looking for someone with liberal leanings. When she called me, she asked who I voted for in the last Presidential election. I told her Ralph Nader. She laughed and said, "You ARE liberal!"

We decided to meet at Claire de Lune. She was attractive, had porcelain skin, long blonde hair and dark penciled eyebrows. One of the the things she told me was that she didn't really didn't watch TV. I didn't have a problem with that. Even though I watched a lot of TV at the time, it wasn't something I needed to do with someone next to me. I thought we were having a pretty good conversation and I looked forward to getting to see her again.

But as you might have expected, that didn't happen.

And that, in a nutshell, was what was so frustrating about these encounters. I think things are going well. The women are being very responsive and appear to be interested when we meet. We part on positive terms with some indication they will call me soon. And then I never hear back from them. I can only assume I wasn't the only guy they planned on meeting. I made it a point to never ask how many men they called back from the personal ad. I didn't want to know for a fact there was competition.

I can only guess that it came down to looks. There wasn't a lot I could do about that.

But I did run into Thez a couple more times. I had gone into the Rite Aid on Adams Avenue to get something. I went out to my car and started driving off. I saw Thez walking through the lot toward the store. I wanted to see if she would say something to me, so I re-parked the car and went into the store. I managed to find her inside. I walked around so I could nonchalantly go past her. I said, "Hi, Thez! How are you doing?" She just looked at me and smiled, but didn't say anything. I just kept walking.

A couple of years later, I was at the Budget Car Sales in Kearny Mesa getting my car serviced. In the waiting room, the TV was showing "The Price is Right." A woman in the room said, "Wow! Is this still on the air? I don't watch TV, so I don't know." I then recognized her. I said to her, "Your name is Thez." Her eyes widened. I said I was Fayd and I had met her some time ago. She remembered some little detail I mentioned in our original conversation. She had been there to get her Daewoo serviced, but it started making a lot of noise as soon as she left the lot, so she had to bring it back in to have them work on it some more. I never saw her again and I have no idea where she is at now.

But like me, I'm pretty certain that neither she nor Donz have their Daewoos anymore.

Personal Ad Tease #10: Niz

When I decided to get a cell phone, there was one main reason I wanted one: I figured that, at the very least, I'd be able to use it so that I wouldn't be missing calls when women from the personal ads were trying to contact me. There had been a couple who had called and left messages on my machine but never called back again. I thought it would be good to just leave the cell phone number. That way, if someone called me, I knew it would be a personal ad response.

I was excited about the prospect of always being able to have my phone with me. I could even have it at work. The only problem at work was that if it rang, I had to run into the break room before I could answer it. Fortunately for this first round, no one called me during the day.

The first night I got a call from a personal ad, I was out on a "date" with Tez. It was a Friday night. I knew of a folk/ensemble group who performed at Twigg's Coffeehouse that she might enjoy. I had turned my ringer off for the performance. In the middle of a song, I could feel it vibrating. I immediately got up and went out of the performance area.

The woman's name was Niz. We talked for a little bit. I told her I was out with a friend and she said she would call back the next night. I decided not to make any plans. She actually did call back the next night and we had a very good conversation. Up to this point, this was the longest I'd talked to anyone on my cell phone.

She was 31 years old. She described herself as being Asian/Hispanic. To myself, I thought that Asian women and Hispanic women were very attractive, so I expected she would be particularly good-looking. She told me she worked in the office of a San Diego City Councilmember. I rattled through the names of several Councilmembers, but didn't figure out which one she worked for until she told me. "Still," I said, "you have to be impressed that I can name so many Councilmembers." Yes, she was actually impressed. The one she worked for had just assumed office earlier in 2001. She said she was the only Asian person who worked for him.

We decided to meet the next week. Since she worked Downtown, I figured we could meet at Starbucks in Horton Plaza. We picked a day and she said she would be wearing a purple dress suit. I told her what I was going to be wearing. I got there first. She came along soon after, wearing exactly what she said. Since she kept referring to herself as Asian, I expected her to really look Asian. But she didn't. And she didn't even really look Hispanic, either. If she had been some stranger walking by, I would have thought she was a regular Caucasian woman. She didn't have any classic Asian features, not even in the shape of her eyes. She did have brown eyes and dark hair.

So, she wasn't as attractive as I was expecting, but she was very presentable and definitely better looking than some of my ex-girlfriends, but again, not someone I would have take immediate notice of. However, this was not a dealbreaker. We went inside Starbucks and got something to drink.

I told her more about myself and she told me more about her job. She had to spend every weekend making appearances on behalf of the Councilmember. She told me that it had recently been her birthday and the Councilmember had a little surprise celebration for her in the office. And the way she talked about it, it almost sounded like he had done that to kind of flirt with her. She said the gesture did make her feel special and that it made her blush. That's all I needed, competition from a politician.

She gave me her phone number and I gave her my landline. A few days later, she called me. She said she was calling from her father's house. We talked for a little bit without making any specific plans. I saw the name on the caller ID. The last name was obviously Filipino. My first thought was, "Wait. That's not really Asian." I mean there are some Filipinos who have classic Asian features and others who do not. She definitely did not. Even though I felt like she had deceived me somewhat, it wasn't enough to dissuade me from pursuing a possible relationship.

A few days later, I called her up. "Hey, it's Fayd! How are you doing?" "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" And she hung up the phone. Well, I can't be mad at her for stringing me along.

It did make me wonder if the boyfriend happened to be the Councilmember and she was looking at me to be camouflage. I have no way of finding that out. However, I do know that she is not who the Councilmember married and had kids with.

Even though I knew her last name at one point, I don't remember it now. That means I don't know what happened to her.

But the disappointing thing about this was that I thought that I was going to finally get to have an actual adult relationship. I wanted to be with someone who was independent, not living with her parents and had her own life which she was fully in control of.

I would continue to pursue women like this, all with the same level of success. More of those stories coming up tomorrow.

Goin' Mobile

Since I wasn't able to get a computer like I wanted, I thought maybe I could spend my income tax refund money on a cell phone. I got something in the mail from AAA that had a special offer. It was a Kyocera phone that looked like a silver bullet. It was available through Verizon Wireless and was practically free. One of the features was that it had a button to contact AAA directly in the event of an emergency. It looked like I would be getting a good deal on this.

I called the number and told the representative I was interested in getting the phone. She commented about how someone had brought this phone to the office to show everyone and a lot of people wanted it. She asked a lot of questions and then she said she was going to have to do a credit check. I told her we might run into a problem here because I had just been denied credit at Gateway. She said something to the effect that they use the same credit check system as Gateway, so she wasn't very optimistic about the results, either.

After a few moments, she said, "Guess what? You can get THREE phones!" What? Why did Gateway run me out on a rail then? But this was good news. I was going to get a cell phone and join the 21st century.

The package was delivered a few days later. The first thing I did was plug in the charger. The phone wouldn't come on. I didn't know why. Reading the directions, I found out that I needed to have the battery inserted before anything would happen.

After I got it to turn on, I tried to figure out how to get a dial tone. I was pushing the green "call" button, but I didn't hear any noise. I then read the directions and found that I needed to punch in the number I wanted and then hit the green button. I called my landline phone from the cell phone. That worked! However, I tried to call the cell phone from the landline. I could hear it make a connection, but the cell phone wasn't ringing. Fortunately, there was a number I could call for technical assistance. Within one minute, they had the cell phone ringing and working. Time to play with my new toy!

One of the first things I discovered was that the button that was programmed to call AAA was actually the button that was supposed to be used to call my voice mail. This wasn't very smart. I mean, I'm going to call my voice mail far more often than I'm going to call AAA. I feel sorry for anyone who has their car break down more often than their friends leave messages. I was able to reprogram it.

One of the cool things about the phone was that I could program a different ring tone for each contact. This was the most fascinating aspect, getting to match the available tunes to my friends' personalities. All the tones were recognizable tunes (and included "Happy Birthday") but there was one song I couldn't figure out. One night, I was driving through Arizona and listening to NPR. They played a recording of Mussorsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition." I was aware of the title, but never heard the piece. I suddenly realized this was the melody and assigned that one to Abed's wife, Qued, who was an aspiring artist.

The first person I happened to call on the phone was Abed. I walked up to his door and then called him. I told him I was coming over and immediately knocked on the door. He was shocked! When I ran into other friends, I would show them the new phone and tell them I had joined the "idiot brigade." It was funny because up to this point in my life, I thought people with cell phones were stuck up and materialistic. I had suddenly become one of them.

The plan available at this time was that I had a limited number of minutes I could use between 7am and 7pm and unlimited night and weekend minutes. I didn't have long distance. When I looked at the coverage map, it appeared that I could call anywhere in Southern California and it would be considered a local call. I thought this was a good thing. I was able to call Chud and some other people without having to worry about paying extra. But I was wrong. SO VERY WRONG! When I got my first bill, I went through the roof! In addition to the astronomical sales tax (which I wasn't expecting), I had a huge amount to pay for the calls to LA. When I called Verizon, they said something to the effect that the map didn't indicate the local calling area, just the coverage in Southern California. (Years later, I received a credit from a lawsuit. I assume it was related to this deception.)

For long distance, I had a calling card that I was able to program in the phone. That kept my bills from getting any higher.

Everybody I've ever known says the same thing about cell phones: "How did we ever get by without them." I recall the worst 24 hours of my life and think about how so much of that wouldn't have happened if I'd had one and there was an available wireless network.

The odd thing about this phone is that I only had it for one year. I then received an offer from Verizon Wireless for a free phone and plan that would include free long distance. The only problem was that the nighttime minutes didn't begin until 8pm. This would be the first in a long series of phone changes over the next several years. (And no, I'm not going to track those.)

I cannot compute

With my job and my salary rate, I figured it was time that I got my own computer. I was tired of going over to Lestat's and paying $1 for ten minutes of Internet usage. In addition, Abed and Qued, who had a computer, got kicked off their ISP after he wrote a bunch of angry posts and got reported.

Gateway was advertising that they were financing computers for $28 a month. I figured I could afford that. (After all, the almost daily trips to Lestat's was costing me at least $30 a month. I may as well put that money toward something substantial.) In addition, I had just received my income tax refund and wanted to treat myself.

Gateway had a location in Mission Valley. I went in the store and looked around at the models they had available. I approached the sales desk when there was no line. I told the gentleman I was interested in financing a computer. He got my information and ran a credit check. In April 2001, I was a little less than seven years clear of my bankruptcy, but I figured my chances of being approved for credit were pretty good.

A couple of minutes later, he said, "I'm sorry, but your credit's been denied." I couldn't say I was too surprised by this. "Okay... What about if I made a down payment?" (I had about $300 from the refund.) "It doesn't account for that." "So, are you going to show me any computers?" "No, I'm not." He stopped talking to me at that point and turned to the people behind me in line.

I was stunned. I mean, it was bad enough that my credit got denied, but that guy acted like I had wasted his time and he didn't want to spend one more second with me. It made me wish that my refund had been $1500. I would have slapped that cash on the counter and told him, "Look! I have enough money to buy a computer right now! I just don't want to spend it all at once. But if that's what I have to do, I'll spend it all now!" And then, he would likely say, "Oh, I'll be happy to show you around..." And I would go, "No! You expect me to give you my money after you treated me like that? I'll go somewhere else, thank you!" It's too bad there was no way that was going to happen. All I could do was sulk out of the store.

I kind of felt like I'd experienced a little bit of revenge. That location closed a few months later along with a lot of other Gateway stores. The Internet boom went bust and there were a lot fewer people buying new computers. I'd like to think that if they treated potential customers with a little more respect and provided more leeway on their credit, they might have been able to keep themselves afloat.

I swore I would never do business with Gateway. About five years later, I finally bought a brand-new computer. It was an eMachines brand and my main reason for purchasing it was because there were a lot of rebates that cut the price to nearly half. I was proud that I was able to make this purchase. However, I soon found out that Gateway had recently purchased eMachines. That meant my money went to Gateway. DAMN IT!

After that, I always research the brands when purchasing a new computer. What's really bad is that Gateway is still in business. They're not the same company they used to be, but it still ticks me off that they've managed to scrape by. At least I know that they burned through the money they got from me a LONG time ago.

Friend Zone Tease: Mimz

You might notice this is a category I've never used before. And to my knowledge, Mimz is going to be the only person it applies to.

It had been more than a year since I'd talked to Fraz (after she reneged on letting me borrow her vehicle for work). One Friday night, I was outside Lestat's waiting for a band to start playing when Fraz suddenly rode up on her scooter. She said hi and asked me how I was doing. I didn't know how I felt about letting Fraz back into my life. Even though her actions could have caused me to become unemployed, I was able to find a solution and not miss any work. It really had little impact on me in the long run. I just rolled with it like nothing had happened and decided it wasn't worth rehashing.

She told me to save her a seat while she went inside and ordered something to drink. I found a table outside. Sitting nearby was a woman. She was rather cute, had short hair and round glasses. She was holding a book. She sort of smiled at me as I sat down and went back to reading.

Fraz came out and we started catching up. As you may be aware, Fraz can be rather loud. Every once in awhile, the woman would look up from her book and pay a little attention to what Fraz and I were saying. Eventually, Fraz started involving her in the conversation. Somehow, Fraz had gotten the idea I knew the woman because I was sitting so relatively close to her. She told us her name was Mimz. Fraz told her that Lestat's currently had her bird photographs on display. This was something I hadn't noticed, despite my frequent visits to Lestat's. I guess I didnt' always pay close attention to the art they had on the walls. I usually just went there for the music and any events that I got to be a part of. But Mimz seemed to be impressed with Fraz' work.

At this point, the conversation got to be less between Fraz and me and more between the two of them. I started finding Mimz attractive and thought I would have a chance with her. The only bad thing was that she probably thought Fraz and I were a couple. I really didn't know what to do. Mimz left first, leaving me and Fraz together. I gave Fraz my new phone number and expected us to continue our friendship on the same terms that we had before. The only thing was that I knew I wasn't ever going to be able to borrow her car.

I still kept thinking about Mimz. I wondered if she might like me. I remembered that she said something to the effect that she frequently went to Lestat's. I thought there might be a chance she would show up there the next night. On Saturday night, I went over there and ordered something to drink. I hung out for a bit, but I didn't see her. Then I went to the bathroom. When I came out, she was sitting at a table inside. My patience paid off!

I went over and sat down. I said, "Hey, Mimz. Last night, I was trying to pick up on you, but it's something I'm not very good at. I was just wondering how you felt about me." She replied, "Well, I'll admit that I kind of liked you, but I'm not really looking for a relationship right now." "Oh, okay..." "However, I am relatively new to San Diego and I could use some friends, so if you're up to being a friend, maybe we can do that."

I'd been used to being Friend-Zoned my whole life, so it was nice to have a woman be upfront about her intentions. We continued talking.

If I remember correctly, she used to live in Portland and worked at a Starbucks there. When she decided to move to San Diego, she stayed with Starbucks. She wanted to work at a location that wasn't very busy. She soon found out that she had been tricked into working at the one with the highest sales volume in all of San Diego County. (But I don't think there's any such thing as a slow Starbucks, to tell you the truth.)

She told me she was 23 years old. If there was a possibility this was heading toward a relationship, I would have seen my age of 36 as being an obstacle. But since we were going to be friends, she didn't treat it like any big deal. I didn't feel I had anything to worry about.

I gave her more information about Fraz. I told her we had been friends for a few years, but the night before was the first time we'd spoken to each other in more than a year. I told her about the falling out we had and that the last thing I expected was for her to come whizzing up to me. I then said, "At the very least, I hope you didn't think we were double-teaming to try to talk you into a threesome!" Mimz responded, "Actually, that thought did occur to me." (So was she thinking, "I'm not looking for a relationship, but I sure could go for some kinky sex right now!"?)

Then this other guy I'd seen around Lestat's came by and sat down. His name was Jird. It was clear she was familiar with him. He was talking, but it wasn't about anything in particular. And he wasn't being funny or charming or anything. But Mimz seemed to be paying close attention to everything he was saying. Now, I was getting worried.

They decided to go to Rudford's to get something to eat and invited me to go. But we were doing the exact same thing we were doing at Lestat's, except getting food cost more money. I wasn't too thrilled with that. That also means this wasn't a date and I was constantly feeling like the third wheel.

At some point, we all left and I went home. Mimz and I did not exchange phone numbers. She said that when I wanted, I'd be able to find her at Lestat's. I went back a couple of days later, but she wasn't there. A couple more days and I did come across her there. She was talking to someone outside. I got her attention and waved, and she looked back at the person she was with and gave me this really weak gesture of a wave. It looked like she didn't even want me in the Friend Zone. It was more like the "We Happen to Be in the Same General Area" Zone. That's pretty pathetic.

I would still see her from time to time after that. She would attend some of the performances Abed and I did at Lestat's. But it seemed like she was more there to see Hend, a third person who frequently participated in our shows. Mimz and I would talk a little here and there at the shows, but I knew that was all there was going to be.

I never got her last name, so I have no way of tracking her down. But when you're never really friends with someone, that's how it usually turns out.

Flamin' Hot Lips!

Late in 2000, I made a significant dietary discovery: Flamin' Hot Cheetos! To me, they were something new. However, some research I did shows that they actually came into existence in 1992. I don't know why I never saw them before, but I never really was much into Cheetos as a regular snack. I remember as a child, if my family was grilling hamburgers, I would put a few Cheetos on mine to make it a cheeseburger. (For some reason, we never had cheese slices on our cookouts.)

When I was in a snacky mood one day at work, I saw Flamin' Hot Cheetos in the vending machine. I decided to give them a try. There was definitely truth in advertising here. They were HOT! I'm usually not too impressed with a lot of foods that claim to be spicy, but I was taken aback by this. Flamin' Hot Cheetos suddenly became my new favorite snack.

The vending machine was usually stocked with them, so I wound up eating a bag every day. I looked forward to my break time, when I would buy a single-serving sized bag and enjoy.

After a couple of weeks, I noticed I was having an issue with my mouth. My lips were starting to chap and peel. I didn't know what was going on. After a couple of days, it got worse and I realized that the fine red powder from the Cheetos was probably seeping under the skin around my mouth. Even though I washed my hands and wiped my mouth every day after eating them, I wasn't removing all the powder. That hot chili concoction was irritating the tender areas of my face!

I had no choice but to stop eating them, at least on a daily basis. I felt like I was going through withdrawal when I couldn't have my daily fix. But my lips returned to normal after about a week. I could still enjoy the Flamin' Hot Cheetos every once in awhile, but I knew I could never go back to eating them every day.

I did find a somewhat suitable substitute with the Chester's Flamin' Hot Fries. They had the same flavor and the powder didn't come off of them like they did the Cheetos. But I never found them as satisfying. And it was so hard to go back to regular Cheetos. They just tasted so bland now.

Research I've done shows that some people who have eaten a lot of them saw their stools turn red and they thought they were bleeding. There were other gastric issues that were written about in articles. But everything I saw made no indication that people got chapped lips from them. Was I the only one this happened to?

So I only eat the Flamin' Hot version about once every few months. I'd HATE to see what my mouth would have looked like if I had continued to eat them every day.

(And I should add that the story behind Flamin' Hot Cheetos is pretty interesting. Click here to read an article.)