More about Fraz, Part 2

Besides photographing birds, Fraz was also interested in being a performer. She tried her hand at being a singer/songwriter. She learned how to play the guitar and had a few songs that she had composed. This was how we started becoming friends.

However, her desire to succeed as a performer created a problem when we went to see live music. She would enjoy it for a little bit. Then, she would start getting jealous and question why we were watching someone play when she should be up on stage and the audience cheering for her. She would start making critical comments about the performer to me. "She's not really that good! Why do all these people like her?" These comments would start off as whispers and gradually get a little louder, enough that people close to us could hear her.

Since the singer/songwriter thing wasn't panning out, she decided to try her hand at stand-up comedy. Fraz was actually very funny and entertaining to be around. Abed noticed that when I was talking to her on the phone, I would spend a lot of time laughing. But she couldn't get that part of her personality to translate properly at comedy clubs.

I frequently went with her to the open mic nights on Sundays at the Comedy Store in La Jolla. Everyone who signed up would get to do a three-minute routine. What Fraz would do was spend a full minute singing. And I don't mean she sang funny songs or parody songs. She would do songs like "My Favorite Things" or "The Lonely Goatherd" from "The Sound of Music" and she simply performed them straight. She always wondered why she never got asked back to do longer sets. I told her what the problem was. The people who book at the Comedy Store were probably watching her three-minute sets and thinking, "If she spends one-third of her three minutes singing, she will spend at least three minutes singing in a ten-minute set. If we give her 30 minutes, she will spend ten minutes singing! We can't have that! People are not willing to buy that much alcohol to find her funny!"

She would also ask my advice on how to make her jokes better. I would give her some, but she never would abide by it. She just kept doing her own thing.

Fraz also tried her hand performing as a "Drag King." Drag Kings are women (mostly lesbians) who put on shows similar to Drag Queens. I saw one of the shows that Fraz participated in. Fraz would do her act wearing a cowboy outfit with a fake moustache. I have to say, I find Drag Queens far more entertaining.

Otherwise, Fraz and I were very good friends. We had a lot in common, including our taste in music. Another thing that we joked about having in common was our taste in women. I actually had to worry about her trying to coax away women I was dating. I had a tendency to not let them meet her. However, there was one time I tried to coax a woman she had seen, but that's a story for a later time.

While we were only ever friends, I did get the idea that she would have liked for us to have been more. But I have a feeling she didn't like the idea of being emotionally tied to someone she thought was a "loser" (even though she had less going for her than I did, and if she didn't have that trust fund from her father, she'd probably be dumpster diving). This, more than anything, including her attraction to women, kept us from being a couple.

In the meantime, you'll see Fraz make a few more appearances in this blog, but she will not take center stage, like my ex-girlfriends. Even though I'm certain that's someplace she'd like to be.

More about Fraz, Part 1

(I had gone into a little detail about Fraz a couple of weeks ago. I wrote about how we met and became friends. I just needed to get some basic information out of the way so that I could clearly write about the incident involving LocalSinger. There was certainly a lot more to Fraz' story and she'll be making several appearances in upcoming posts. I'm using today's and tomorrow's articles to give more background about her.)

I called Fraz up a couple of days after I got her number at El Campo Ruse. She seemed excited to hear from me and we talked a bit about our interests. She invited me to come over and hang out on Halloween 1997. (Wow, 20 years ago!) She wanted to go to "A Nightmare on Normal Street," an annual festival-style gathering in Hillcrest.

I showed up at her house and Lawd (whom I met the second time I saw Fraz) was there. I realized at this moment that I was being Friend-Zoned. (Whatever.) He was apparently being Friend-Zoned, too. We hung out and Fraz just kept futzing around. Lawd and I kept trying to get her to leave to go to the Nightmare, but she insisted on us putting on some form of makeup for Halloween. I allowed her to put a little black triangle on my nose and whiskers so I looked a little like a cat. Lawd also agreed to a minor amount of make up.

We got over to Normal Street, but the event was already over. There were a lot of people hanging around in the aftermath, but crews were already taking down the stage. Fraz kept going around asking if anything was happening, but everyone told her the same thing. That was it. We missed it. I know EXACTLY how Cartman felt. (WOOHOO! A recent cultural reference!)

I did get to hang out with Fraz on numerous other occasions. Sometimes Lawd was there, sometimes it was just the two of us. It was always a struggle to plan things. If I came over to see Fraz, she would need to run a bunch of errands first before we would do the thing we planned on doing. Then, we wouldn't spend very much time on the planned activity.

Early on in the friendship, she came over to hang out with me at my apartment (without having to run errands first). We were going to watch a few episodes of "Ellen." She brought some alcohol with her. Since I didn't have a couch, we were going to have to watch TV on the bed. I was hoping that the alcohol might help lead to something happening between us, but it didn't.

While we were getting to know each other, I wondered how she supported herself. She freelanced as a journalist for the alternative lifestyle weeklies, but she clearly didn't make enough to afford her own apartment. And she didn't seem to have a regular job. Eventually, curiosity got the best of me and I straight out asked her. She admitted that her father was wealthy and he had set up a trust fund for her. She got an allowance and it was enough to cover her rent and other expenses.

After a few months, I got to meet her father. As it turned out, he has the same first name as me (my real name). Fraz said that if she knew me by my real name first, she never would have been friends with me. He was British, but became an American citizen. He seemed to tolerate my presence. Her mother appeared to have suffered from a stroke at some point. She had some trouble getting around. Her father was rather fit for his age and enjoyed skiing on a regular basis, something her mother couldn't do.

Fraz' thing was that she wanted to make a living photographing birds. In the United States, everyone says you can do what you want to do, but the opportunity to make money at it is not guaranteed. She had taken some amazing photos and had been able to have them displayed at local galleries and coffeehouses, but she didn't get paid for this.

And she was REALLY into birds. Once we were watching a documentary about the mating rituals of birds in Africa and the look on her face was like she was watching porn.

Prior to meeting me, she'd experienced a couple of setbacks. The first was that she'd survived a heart attack. She was 31 when I met her, so this happened at a fairly young age for her. The other was that she had been mugged at gunpoint. This created an aversion to violence. If we were watching something on TV, and it looked like violence was about to occur, she wouldn't be able to watch it. This presented a problem when we watched "Some Like It Hot." I had to fast-forward through the scenes involving gunfire. This also meant we couldn't go out and see movies because we almost never knew when one of them might contain enough violence to trigger her anxiety.

So, our friendship was basically limited to running errands, eating, watching TV and experiencing live events. As will go into detail in tomorrow's post, even that presented a problem.

Kelz vs. Chez: The Final Tally

So, you're probably wondering: Who out of my last two relationships took up the most space on this blog? Was it Kelz or Chez? I had pretend marriages with both of them, and they both had major impacts on my life.

As far as I know, I have finished writing about both of them. I've fully completed my story with Chez, but I know that I will be making reference to Kelz in an upcoming post down the line, so I will include that in her total. I am including this article for both as well. I am not including posts in which I merely allude to them.

I acknowledge that either one of them could make an appearance in my life right now and will give me more material to write about. I cannot sit around and anticipate that. If it happens, it happens, and you'll eventually learn about it.

Here's the deal with Chez: In real time and in dealing with each other face to face, from the moment I met her at her parents' house to the moment I last saw her at her apartment, our story lasted 9 1/2 years. With Kelz, it lasted a month shy of two years.

So, here is the number of articles each appeared in:

Chez - 56

Kelz - 83

Yes, I expected Chez to win this one. In fact, when I first started writing about Kelz, I predicted that there would be at least 20 articles about her. BOY! WAS I WAY OFF! On this blog, it takes me about a month to cover a year of my life. Even though Kelz and I were together for less than two years, I have spent the last FOUR MONTHS writing about her and nothing but her with the exception of most of my Friday articles!

And if Chez wants to catch up, she's going to have create a LOT of major drama for me! I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN!

Really, I could go the rest of my life without hearing from either one of them again.

But I do need to add that while I regret the period of time Chez and I lived together and wished that had never happened, I don't feel that way about Kelz. I would do anything to change the story about me and Chez, but not me and Kelz. It's often crossed my mind that if I set aside all the times she intentionally tried to sabotage the relationship, she was probably the best girlfriend I'd ever been with. We really bonded together so well and I fondly remember the good times we had. I don't do that so much with Chez. At any rate, I am rather glad that I don't really have contact with either of them.

And a special note to my regular readers: My blog is about to become a LOT less exciting from here on out. While a lot of bad stuff happened to me afterward, it was nowhere near the scale I experienced with these two women. But I guarantee it will still be worth reading.

A Momentary Follow-Up

While yesterday's post was very long, it could have been even longer if I had decided to include the information from today's article. I definitely had more things to discuss in the period of time that occurred between the sit-com moment and just a few years ago.

I don't think that I attended any more of LocalSinger's shows after the moment. The guilt I was living with really made it difficult to enjoy her performances after that. And I knew that one day, my identity was going to come out and be out of my control. So, by not going to her shows any more, I was able to completely avoid any further awkward situations.

LocalSinger never became someone who was wildly successful. She was able to make some kind of living as a performer, but she never reached the heights that she was fully capable of. I felt bad that Kelz made her go through something she wasn't ready for at a relatively early stage of her career for and probably never had to experience again.

One thing I didn't find out until later was that LocalSinger and Jazzer were very good friends. If I'd known that, I would have dropped her name instead of Appalachian's. I've always wondered if LocalSinger ever told Jazzer about the threats. And if she did, she probably mentioned my name. "Fayd? I met his girlfriend! She was crazy! I mean, Fayd's okay, but she had something wrong with her!" That conversation would have helped smooth things over, but I doubt it happened.

And there were other people she knew who'd had some minor contact with Kelz, including PuertoRican, Jez and two other people I'll refer to as "SeasonChanger" and "Catcher." I don't know that any of them could have given her much information or even remembered Kelz.

I'd put all of this out of my mind for about ten years. In 2010, I started a profile on Facebook. I was able to reconnect with a lot of people I knew from the San Diego music scene back then. After a few months, Facebook was suggesting friends I might connect with based on my current list of friends. One of them was LocalSinger. My first thought was, "Oh, no! If they're suggesting her to me, that means they're suggesting me to her. This is going to stir all that stuff up again for her!" I hope that she just ignored those suggestions, but it's possible she recognized me as that guy who used to come to her shows whose name she thought was "Perd."

Facebook no longer suggests her as a recommendation to me and I hope I no longer show up on hers. I would feel a lot better if she just completely forgot all about me.

A Sit-Com Moment

This article is likely going to be the longest one I'm going to write in this phase of the blog. It all leads up to a certain moment, and it would be just crazy to have several parts when it's really about that one moment. The course of this story spans four years and involves a lot of different people.

On July 13th, 1995, I went to Twigg's Coffee House in San Diego to experience some live music. I had looked for events in the San Diego Reader. At the time, they had a service in which you could call and listen to musical snippets by local musicians. I liked this one song by someone called Appalachian and decided to go check her out. She was hosting a regular series of weekly performances called "Appalachian and Friends." I came in before the show started and met her. I also got to meet the man she was married to at the time, but they never disclosed to me that they were married.

During the performance, a friend of Appalachian showed up. This was Jazzer. Jazzer went up and sang back up on Appalachian's song about a thrift store. (This was a hallmark of her shows, in which her friends would get up and sing this particular song with her.) Jazzer also performed one of her own songs and plugged a show she was performing that weekend at Seaport Village. I also got to meet Appalachian's dog Celie.

I came back to Twigg's the next Thursday. Appalachian saw me and told me that she had an opening act that night. It was a duo that featured a vocalist I'll call "LocalSinger" and a guitarist I'll call "LocalGuitarist." They used to be based in San Diego, but went up to San Francisco for a couple of years before coming back. This was one of their first shows since they returned.

A year and a half later, LocalSinger and LocalGuitarist had formed a full band that included bass, keyboards and drums. They had also released a CD. When Perd was staying with Kelz and me, the two of us decided to go to Java Joe's to check them out. Perd greatly enjoyed them. The table that had been set up to sell their CD also had some free PR materials on it. One was a card that utilized the cover of the CD. On the back of the card was a phone number. I noticed that the number was two digits away from the number for the voice mail I had set up for Ogolon Records.

I took the card and put it in the console of the car. I never brought it into the apartment or did anything with it. It just sat there in the console. Kelz was asleep when we got back that night.

About eight months later, I had managed to get Kelz and Sasd to leave the cottage. After I had gone with her and her uncle to set up the air travel arrangements for their departure, I came home and called my Ogolon Records voice mail. When I listened to the number as it speed-dialed, I could tell that the last two digits were off. The next thing I knew, I could hear a woman's voice giving performance dates. I quickly deduced that I had reached the voicemail for LocalSinger. After the dates were provided, LocalSinger said, "...and by the way, if any of you happens to know who Fayd is, could you please let us know? (slight giggle) We'd really appreciate it!"

I hung up the phone. I had all sorts of questions. What was going on? Why did she want to know who I was? The only thing I knew for certain was that Kelz had reprogrammed the speed dial on my phone to call her number. I wondered why she did that. Slowly, but surely, I started putting pieces together. I recalled how she had called up Thoz and Knod, accused them of having sex with me and threatened to kill them. Gasp! She had probably done that to LocalSinger! I figured she'd found the card in my console and decided that I was having an affair with her. And because her voicemail was two digits from my voicemail, it was easy for her to remember the number. This was someone I hadn't even met before! I had only seen her perform those two times and never said anything to Kelz about her!

I called the voicemail back to leave a message. At the time, I figured the threat had about as much impact on her as it did on Thoz and Knod. They didn't take it seriously and judging by the slight giggle she had on her outgoing message, she didn't, either. I had a light-hearted tone in my voice: "Hi. This is Fayd. Appalachian knows me. I think the reason you want to know who I am is because my ex-girlfriend has probably been calling you, accusing you of having sex with me and threatening to kill you. I heard your message because your voicemail is two digits away from mine and had gotten programmed into my phone. If you have any questions, you can call me." I left my regular phone number.

The next day, my phone rang. I answered. "Hi, is this Fayd?" "Yes?" "Hi, I'm Detective BW from the San Diego Police Department's Northern Division. I understand you know about the threats made against LocalSinger?" "Yeah, that was my ex-girlfriend Kelz." BW explained that he was investigating this case, even though it was out of his jurisdiction. He was brought in because he was investigating a death threat recently made against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter when she performed at Humphrey's and there was a chance this could be connected to that. He also said that while LocalSinger knew who Appalachian was, she didn't really know her. (I guess that wasn't the right name to drop, but it didn't make sense because the first time I saw her, she was opening for Appalachian.)

I started getting the idea that this situation was very serious, far more serious than LocalSinger's giggle had led me to believe. BW explained that Kelz had left three threatening messages on the voicemail. When LocalSinger heard the first message, she didn't go home for three days and waited for her fiancee to return before she could feel safe again.

Something I haven't mentioned about Kelz is the tone of her voice. It was rather deep. If you were to listen to her voice on the phone, you would have a hard time figuring out if you were talking to a male or a female. Because LocalSinger couldn't tell, it hindered her ability to perform because the person who left the threat could be anyone, ANYONE in the audience. She was truly freaking out about this.

I asked what Kelz said on the messages. BW said he could play them for me. The first one said, "You f*****' b****! I'm gonna kill you!" The second one said, "I'm gonna kill you, you b****! I know you've been f****** Fayd!" For whatever reason, he'd lost the third one. I told him it was definitely Kelz making those phone calls. However, I didn't think she was the one who made the threats against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter. We had no idea that she was playing at Humphrey's, so she wouldn't have known where to leave a message.

BW asked me to have Kelz call him the next time I talked to her. He said that right now, she was at a misdemeanor level, but if she left any more threats, it would be considered a felony. So, she needed to talk to him to get it straightened out and maybe they wouldn't press any charges. I also gave him my real name and address. I told him Kelz was about to leave for Iowa and didn't know when I was going to get to talk to her again.

Within 30 minutes, Kelz called my house. Before we got started on anything, I told her to write down the information I was about to give her. I gave the the phone number and the name of the detective. "What's this for?" "Well, this is about the threats you've been making against LocalSinger." "You mean your woman who you've been having sex with?" "Okay, I haven't been having sex with her, but you need to call the detective and straighten this out." "Why are they so interested?" "Because he's also investigating threats that were made against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter." "Yeah, you've been having sex with her, too!" "Riiiight, don't mention that to him." "But I didn't make the threats against SuperFamousSingerSongwriter!" "I know, and I told him that. But with the threats you've made against LocalSinger, you're about to commit a felony if you do any more, so you need to call this guy."

"We'll see." She hung up the phone. About five minutes later, she called me back. It sounded like she was panicking and trying to get her stuff together so she could leave right then and there. I asked, "Will you just call the detective?" We got off the phone.

About an hour later, I called BW to let him know that I had given Kelz the message. She had already called him and talked to him. She told him that once she came over to my apartment and she saw LocalSinger leaving. When she came inside, there were condom wrappers all over the floor and I was laughing at her. I found it hard to stifle my laughter when I heard this and I apologized for the uncontrollable outburst. I realized this was serious.

(What was really funny to me was that I didn't think that Kelz would have been able to identify LocalSinger from the picture on the card in my console. It featured her head tilted back and her mouth wide open. In order for Kelz to figure out who she was, she would have had to strike the same pose as she did in the picture.)

He said that he told her that I had identified her as the voice on the messages and he could tell by talking to her that she was the voice on the messages. He also told her that she had basically confessed to him and all she needed to do to avoid charges was to promise not to make any more threats against LocalSinger. She agreed to this. He said he had also talked to LocalSinger and she was relieved that it was more of a domestic situation and didn't really have to do with her. But it was still an unsettling experience for her.

In the meantime, I became aware that Kelz left one final message on LocalSinger's voicemail. She said, "Hi, LocalSinger. I'm sorry about putting you through all that. I guess it was some other hoochie woman I saw Fayd with who looked just like you." I really worried about what LocalSinger thought of me at this point. She likely could tell that Kelz was crazy, but did she think I was crazy, too?

The day that Kelz and Sasd left for Iowa, LocalSinger was going to be performing as part of a charity showcase featuring female performers at the Wikiup Cafe. I went that night. I found LocalSinger sitting with her bandmates. I went up and said, "Hi, LocalSinger, I'm Fayd. I'm really sorry about what happened. She left on a plane earlier today. I saw her leave and she won't be bothering you any more." She mouthed, "Thank you," but it was obvious she didn't want to discuss it any further. I turned around and left.

Fairly soon after, my friendship with Fraz started to blossom. One day, I was talking to her on the phone and we were discussing the local music scene. She asked, "Hey, do you know who I really like?" In my head, I was thinking, "Please don't say LocalSinger. Please don't say LocalSinger. Please don't say LocalSinger!" What did she say? "LocalSinger!" ("NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!")

LocalSinger happened to be playing a show at Java Joe's that weekend, so Fraz decided we should go to that. I hoped that we wouldn't sit close to the stage and could remain in the shadows so that she wouldn't see me. This happened to be one of the first performances in which LocalSinger was starting to branch on her own away from LocalGuitarist and was playing her own songs on the keyboard.

During the show, Fraz leaned over and asked me if I thought LocalSinger was a lesbian. Without thinking, I responded, "No, she has a fiancee." I could suddenly hear Fraz' eyes widening. "How do you know that?" "I... just... know that." Fraz seemed satisfied with that answer and didn't ask any more questions. Thank goodness!

Perd contacted me and said he wanted his wife Bird to see LocalSinger perform. She happened to be doing a show at Twigg's Coffee House that weekend. He had known about Kelz' threats and understood that I was going to try to avoid contact with LocalSinger. However, everywhere I went that evening, she happened to be nearby. It didn't matter if I was in the drink line, or outside or waiting for the bathroom. She was always in close vicinity. However, she didn't act uneasy regarding my presence.

Perd was very touched by the performance. It had such an impact, he said he cried during every song.

Over time, Fraz wrote a couple of articles about LocalSinger for alternative lifestyle publications. While she herself wasn't LGBT, LocalSinger was very supportive of the community and didn't mind being the subject of articles. I knew I could never tell Fraz about my connection to LocalSinger because she was sure to bring the threats up in an interview.

One time, Fraz told me LocalSinger had come over to her apartment to drop off some material. I was glad I didn't happen to be there. I had no idea how she was going to react when she saw that I was friends with Fraz.

In November of 1998, I shaved my iconic long hair from my head. While this wasn't the main reason I cut my hair, I felt like it would prevent LocalSinger from recognizing me and I could go to her performances like a normal person. This actually worked. I went to a couple of shows and didn't see any adverse reactions from her. I also didn't feel like I had to get out of her way. Once, I was at a showcase organized by Promoter and won a free CD. LocalSinger very excitedly handed me my prize and congratulated me. Yep, she had no idea who I was.

In September of 1999, I had planned a trip to New Mexico. By this time, Perd had split up from Bird, moved to Roswell and was living with a new girlfriend. Prior to the trip, I went to one of LocalSinger's performances at the Unitarian Church in San Diego and bought one of her CDs. I asked her to sign it and make it out to "Perd." Perd was excited about getting the CD. But I think LocalSinger probably believed my name was Perd at this point.

Fairly soon after that, a performer I'll call "Puerto Rican" was holding a CD release party. LocalSinger was going to open for him. Fraz wanted to go. We got there a little early and found seats. I was dreading the possibility of LocalSinger coming up and Fraz introducing us. I knew there would be an awkward moment when LocalSinger would suddenly go silent and start looking sad when she realized who I was. I knew that Fraz was going to start asking questions and I didn't know how I was going to answer her without her asking more questions or getting angry because there was a story I wasn't telling her. I hoped that LocalSinger wouldn't be hanging out with the audience prior to her part of the show.

That didn't happen. We saw LocalSinger coming in with Jez. They had just recently become besties. I thought, "Oh, no! If Fraz doesn't tell her who I am, Jez will!" They saw Fraz and started coming our direction. I could feel my brow sweating and my heart beating harder in my chest with every step they took toward us. When they got to us, LocalSinger turned to me and said, "Hi! How're you doing?" And then she turned to Fraz and talked to her a little. WHEW! Crisis averted!

After LocalSinger and Jez left, Fraz asked me, "You know LocalSinger?" "Uh, yeah. She's seen me at her shows." Fraz seemed satisfied with that answer and didn't ask any more questions.

And that was the moment my life was like a sit-com.

A few more words here and there

Over the years that passed, I would get reminders that Kelz was still out there, thinking about me. I once logged into my Rotten Tomatoes account (in which my profile name was "Fayd") and saw that I had a personal message from someone who used the name of a well-known cartoon character. (Let's say it's "Richie Rich.") Richie asked me if my last name began with an "O." I responded in the affirmative. Richie then wrote back and while I don't remember what was written, it was clear it was Kelz. I did not respond back. Sometime later, I got a personal message from someone else. This person identified herself as Sasd and asked if she could correspond with me because I was like the only father she ever knew. I figured it was Kelz who sent the message and I never responded. I never heard from Richie again on Rotten Tomatoes.

In May of 2003, I was living in a studio apartment in San Diego. By this point, I had a cell phone. I also had a landline phone, which I mainly used for Internet connection. This was the same phone I had when Kelz was living with me in the cottage. I almost always had the adapter unplugged, so the phone would never ring. I would only plug it in when I was expecting a call from my girlfriend, who lived in San Jose. This particular day, the phone rang because I hadn't pulled out the plug. I answered it. "Is this Fayd?" "Yes?" "You know, you're a very hard person to get a hold of." "Uh, who is this?" "You don't recognize my voice?" "No, I don't."

Then the caller said to someone else in the room, "Sasd, keep quiet! I'm on the phone." I then knew who it was. "Hi, Kelz." I wasn't very enthusiastic. She said that since I last spoke to her, she'd gotten married to someone else (not the same guy she had on the invitations) and had four more kids. She had also come through San Diego a couple of weeks prior to see Mr. & Mrs. B. She tried to get a hold of me, but I never answered the phone. I sort of freaked out at this because my girlfriend had just been in town a couple of weeks before. This meant that there had been a chance that we would have run into Kelz! This was frightening!

I told my girlfriend (who would later become my wife) what had just happened. She didn't seem too thrilled that I talked to my ex-girlfriend. I promised her I wouldn't talk to her again. I have kept that promise since.

However, Kelz could still sneak up on me from time to time. In 2007, we were planning our wedding. I talked to Abed, who said he and his girlfriend Keld were going to be coming. They were planning to make it a vacation to San Francisco, where he used to live. We would try to get together and meet one day before the ceremony. He also told me that he had gotten a friend request from someone named Richie on MySpace. Usually, he just approved the requests without looking, but he got a sense that he should check this one out. It turned out it was Kelz. At this point, Kelz was working as a veterinary assistant. He said she asked about me and he told her I was getting married. She seemed disappointed when he told her that.

Around this time, my fiancee started up a MySpace account and she decided to flirt with disaster. I asked her not to, but she sent a friend request to Kelz anyway. Kelz never responded or accepted the request. I was thankful for that.

In 2011, I noticed that Abed was friends with "Richie" on Facebook. When I visited him, I asked if he could show me her Facebook profile. He let me, but she didn't have any photos of herself. It appeared that she had gotten into dark graphic design and only posted her artwork. However, I could tell that she was using her face in some of the designs that featured women in provocative poses.

After that, I would do Google searches on Kelz and Sasd from time to time. In 2010, I found Sasd's birthday listed on a church program for a church in Garner, IA. On the church's website, I found several photos posted of their youth group. Among the children was one black girl. This was obviously Sasd. The website featured several photos that had her in them. It appeared that they enjoyed looking like a diverse congregation. However, I did not find any photos of Kelz.

In October of 2013, after I had started up this blog and the YouTube vlog to go along with it, "Richie" left a comment on my channel trailer. It read, "Very interesting stuff ____________________." She wrote my full real name! She even spelled my middle name correctly, which almost no one does! I freaked out! The first thing I did was delete her comment. I then entered a comment on my own, which read, "Someone had previously left a comment on this video that I had to delete. While I don't have a problem with comments, I would prefer they not contain identifying information." I intended for her to see that message. In the meantime, I noticed that she had apparently watched the channel trailer at least seven times. I told Ms. Ogolon that Kelz had written a comment on one of my videos, but I had deleted it. Other things were going on at the time, so she didn't get much of a chance to get into a huff about it.

Not long after that, she commented on another video in which I discussed a matter that involved me and my brother Loyd. She wrote, "No actually said This is ______ and this is _____... (our real names) Geeze if you are going to tell a story at least get the details right!!" I deleted that comment without an explanation.

Once, when I Googled Kelz, I came across a blog titled, "The Truth about Richie Rich." It was dated October 10, 2013. It started out saying that while everyone thought Richie was a nice person, she really wasn't and had a controversial past. It identified her real name and her real maiden name, so it was definitely about Kelz. It talked about how she had been arrested numerous times in San Diego and had gotten into trouble with the law before in Illinois and Iowa. It also said that she'd had most of her kids taken away from her. But I didn't know if that was referring to the crop of kids she had when she called me in 2003. This blog was obviously written by someone with an ax to grind. They posted it in the hopes that someone would Google her name and find the article. This was the only entry on the blog. About a year ago, I noticed that the post had been deleted. However, the blog itself still remains. (I've found out the hard way that you can't get rid of a blog once you've started it.) I can only imagine that the person who wrote the post had second thoughts and decided to remove the content after a few years.

Sometime after discovering that, I found a GoFundMe page for Kelz. This was probably what brought about that blog post. Apparently, she was suffering from breast cancer at the time and set up the account to raise money for her chemotherapy treatments. The effort only ever raised $10. I have not been able to find that posting since.

I don't know where Kelz is now. I don't know where Sasd is now. I found both their Twitter accounts, but they haven't been active on them in years. Kelz is still active on Facebook. I can't tell if she's still married. I found a relative's obituary from 2015 that listed her husband as a survivor and that she was his spouse. I did find out that her husband is a couple of years older than me, but that's all I really know. Her Facebook page does show how she looks now. She has a tendency to frequently change her hair color.

So, I don't know if I've heard the last of Kelz yet. To tell you the truth, I was half-way expecting her to show up and make comments on this blog to dispute my version of events, but that hasn't happened.

But I'm not closing the book on Kelz yet. Tomorrow, I'm going to have a very lengthy post about something that happened right before she left San Diego 20 years ago this month.

Get ready for some heavy reading.

UPDATE (07/13/18): I found a LinkedIn profile for Sasd. It features a photograph of her. She is wearing glasses. The weird thing is that she looks so much like Kelz when she was that age. She just has darker hair and complexion, but you can definitely tell she's related to Kelz, way more than in the church photos. The profile shows that she graduated from high school in 2015. About a year after graduating, she worked in fast food and retail. It shows that her most recent employment ended in November of 2017 and doesn't have an update. She also doesn't have any connections. I can only assume she set up the account in hopes of finding a job through LinkedIn. All I know is that I am not going to ask to connect with her.

It wasn't completely over

Even though she left California, Kelz was not totally out of my life, at least for the first six months. She called me when she and Sasd arrived in Iowa so I would know they were safe. I guess we agreed to keep in touch, but I knew I wasn't going to put much effort into that.

One thing I did was send her all the photos I had of her and Sasd. I also had a lot of the pictures that were originally taken at the hospital after Sasd was born. About a month after they left, I received a large envelope. Inside were two letters and a card with another letter inside. (I'm not going to share ALL the letters she wrote. Just a couple.)

From what I could figure out in the writing, the letter in the card was the first one she wrote. The card had a sexually suggestive bent to it and the letter expressed some regret about falling in love with me and provided her phone number and address. Then, it looks like she wrote this one:

As it turns out, she never did put Sasd up for adoption. And I don't think she got involved in the cult again.

The other letter in the packet expressed the same sentiments, except that she begged me to reveal my secret as to how I got over her so quickly. The truth was that I did not immediately get over her, but I was still in a lot of pain. One of the problems was that I was getting correspondence from the San Diego Police Department that apparently had me registered as a victim of domestic violence. I didn't like that designation, but it was one of the consequences I had to pay to get her permanently out of my life.

After Thanksgiving, I received two cards that had been mailed off the same day. One was a Christmas card. The other was a Thanksgiving card that included Sasd's first baby picture and a baby picture of the boy Kelz had before she met me. It also contained the postcard at the top of this article. Okay, that was CLEARLY intended to spook me a little. I don't care how smiley that face is, it's taunting me!

After New Year 1998, she sent two more cards. She included a photo of Sasd standing and another one of her and Sasd together. Kelz was sticking her tongue out with the piercing. The other card had unfocused photos of her without glasses, a nose piercing and her sticking her tongue out. It also had this "wedding invitation:"

It gave a date for a wedding between her and some guy that was set for February 15, 1998 at 2:30pm at a church in Garner, IA. And because she appeared to be getting married, she included this letter:

But of course, this was not the last I heard from her. She sent me a rather flirty Valentine's Day card. A couple of weeks later, she called me at work. My supervisor was surprised to hear her voice again. Kelz asked me to get Sasd some clothes for her birthday. She also told me that the wedding never happened and that she was still single. I went to K-Mart, found some stuff and sent it to her. I remember calling to make sure she got it. Kelz got very emotional on the phone. She said she couldn't believe that I could hate her so much, but still show love for Sasd. I told Kelz that I didn't hate her, but didn't offer any more than that.

Six months after she'd left San Diego, I finally stopped hearing from her on a regular basis. But she did find ways to communicate with me over the next few years.

I'll go into that tomorrow.

A little optimism

These are trying times for many Americans. I like to look at the bright side every once in awhile.



However, all I see are my friends still continuing to embarrass Republicans.

Bon Voyage

Even though they were out of my house, Kelz and Sasd wouldn't officially be out of my life for a few more days. They were staying with Kelz' uncle while they were waiting to get a flight from San Diego to Iowa. For some reason, I had to show up with them at the travel agent's office while they got their plane tickets taken care of. I remember her uncle didn't really say anything to me, but he was the one in control of when the flight was going to take place.

During the time that she was staying with her uncle, Kelz called and left a bunch of messages on my voice mail. (I had a separate voice mail set up for my music business that was not connected to my home number.) She sounded like she had been drinking. Most of the messages centered on how sorry she was for the way she treated me. She expressed gratitude for me helping her get off heroin and being able to keep her baby. She also stated that I didn't need to pay her back the money I owed her. When she said that, I took measures to record the messages onto a cassette. If she ever brought that issue up again, I could prove that she absolved me of the debt.

At some point, she called and left a message for Thoz on her answering machine: "You can just go ahead and have him!" Thoz was happy knowing she'd probably never hear from her again.

(And we also had one more encounter that involved the police before she left. However, that will be the subject of a separate post.)

The day came that she was to leave San Diego. She asked me to see her and Sasd off at the airport. When I got there, Kelz and Sasd were already at the gate with Mr. & Mrs. B. When Mrs. B saw me, she said, "Don't you feel good about stealing that money from Kelz?" It wasn't worth the effort to respond (even though Kelz had absolved me), so I just let that sit there.

I said my goodbyes to Kelz and Sasd and watched them go into the gate. That would be the last time I saw them.

(I should point out that this all took place 20 years ago this month. Funny how that timed out.)

For years afterward, I thought about the turning point from that night I called the cops. I've always wondered what would have happened if I had done as she requested and stayed at the cottage with her. Would she have really turned her act around? Would she really stop accusing me of cheating on her? Would she have really tried to be a better person and be more of a role model for her child? Would I have decided that it would have been a good idea for us to have our own child together? Could things have ever been that good?

I always come to the same conclusion I had the night she asked: No.

The Big Boss Battle

I'd reached the point that I HATED being at home with Kelz and Sasd. I mean, it was fine when we went out to do something, but it was like the cramped quarters caused the worse in us to come out. I dreaded coming home from work. If I found Kelz and Sasd sleeping, that wasn't a problem because it meant I could lay down and take a nap. But if they were awake, I had to work to sustain my energy to put with Kelz' nonsense for several hours before we went to bed.

(And of course, it didn't help that I never brought back the TV or the VCR. I still had those at work.)

I came home from work this particular day and they were awake. Kelz asked me to watch Sasd while she took a shower. No problem there. After she got out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around her and sat on the bed. She started getting on my case about something. I finally came out and asked, "Okay, when are you and Sasd going to fly back to Iowa?" "Well, when are you going to pay me back the money you owe me?" "It'll be a couple of weeks before I can get you the $200." "No, I want the $400 I loaned you." "You said I only needed to pay back half because I let you and Sasd stay here." "Well, now I want the $400." "Well, you're not getting $400!" "Well, I'm going to call the cops and tell them you stole money from me!" I said, "You know what? Go ahead and call the cops. Who are they going to believe? Me, who has no criminal record, or you, a recovering heroin addict and convicted prostitute?"

I started walking toward the living room. The next thing I know, I hear Kelz SCREAM! She came up behind me and knocked me to the floor. She punched me in the face and started pulling my hair, REALLY HARD, with both hands. "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A JUNKIE AND A WHORE!" I managed to get up and leave the house. The top of my head was still stinging from where she pulled my hair.

I had been prepared for such a situation. I had memorized the non-emergency number for the San Diego Police Department. I went to a payphone on the corner and called it. I told the operator I wanted to report a domestic situation. I gave my information and Kelz' information. I stated that she had a warrant out for her arrest (which was true). They told me to wait outside the residence for the police to arrive. They would be there in about an hour.

I went over to the curb in front of the main house and sat there. I was surprised when I saw two male officers walking my way 15 minutes after I'd made the call. I waved at them and identified myself. One of them asked me if Kelz had a firearm inside. I said, no, we don't have any guns. I opened the front door. "Kelz! The police are here!"

One officer talked to Kelz in the bedroom while the other one talked to me in the living room. I explained what happened and said my head was still hurting from where she pulled my hair. I expressed my desire to get them out of the house, that this was my trump card and I wanted to play it now.

The officer asked me if I was willing to take care of the baby. I said no. He said that nothing was probably going to happen because they weren't going to arrest her with no one to take care of the baby, especially since the baby had to be hooked up to a monitor while she was sleeping.

The officer who was talking to Kelz told her something to the effect that she shouldn't be making that big a deal out of the money since I was letting her and Sasd stay with me. My officer asked me if there was someplace else I could stay that night. I said, "Yeah, I can pack up my foam mattress and go sleep at work." He recommended I do that while Kelz decided what she wanted to do. I grabbed the mattress and some spare clothes, put them in the car and left.

After about an hour, Kelz called me at work. She asked me to come back to the cottage because Mrs. B was there. I drove over. Mrs. B didn't have much to say to me, but left the bedroom after I'd arrived. Kelz said, "Hey, I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to do that. I was just upset at you calling me a junkie and a whore." "Okay." "Anyway, I want you to stay here with me tonight."

I didn't realize it at the time, but this was the turning point for us. I thought about it for a moment and said, "No, I think it's best if I spend the night at work. I'm pretty certain you're still mad at me and a night apart would do us some good." "WELL, F*** YOU, THEN!" I got up and left. I didn't even say goodbye to Mrs. B.

An hour later, I got a call at work. Kelz told me I could go back to the cottage because she and Sasd were now staying with her uncle. I was almost afraid to go home. What if it was a trap?

I figured I'd have to find out the hard way. I packed up the foam mattress and my clothes and drove back. Sure enough, they had left the cottage. I was there all by myself.

I didn't realize it at the time, but Kelz had caused some permanent damage to my scalp when she was pulling on my hair. I guess she yanked out a few follicles, leaving thin spots where I had felt the most pain. I started realizing that my hair didn't look as good as it did before and a year later, I shaved it all off. I never grew it that long again.

Even though Kelz and Sasd were out of the house, we still had a little ways to go before they left town.

Big messes to clean up

The relationship between me and Kelz had become somewhat tolerable. We still enjoyed each other's company and we continued to go out with Sasd and find things to do around town. We also enjoyed doing things at home and helping take care of Sasd.

But she would get angry anytime she got the idea in her head that I was sleeping around on her. Her accusations were not limited to Thoz. She also accused me of sleeping with my co-worker Riz and any number of women from the San Diego music scene. About the only woman she never accused me of having an affair with was Zid. "She's too classy to sleep with you." In addition, she told me that the 13-year-old girl who lived in the house in front kept coming around and asking about me. I doubted this was happening.

One time, her accusations were so intense and so loud that I threw my hands up in the air, walked out the door and drove off. I needed to cool down. I came back about an hour later to find that she had thrown a lot of my stuff into the parking spaces behind the cottage. She had pulled out books, magazines and other items and threw them on the ground. She also grabbed a bunch of photographs, tore them up and threw them all over the place. There were all sorts of personal possessions of mine that were strewn around the area.

(Among the items was my copy of a compilation of female comic book artists I had purchased at the 1997 Comic-Con. I had met one of the artists there and got her to sign it. She also sketched an ambi-sexual mudworm from the book on the title page. Kelz found some rather graphic material by the other artists offensive and thought I was into reading comics about rape. This was one of the items that she completely tore up. However, she left the title page with the autograph and the sketch intact. I still have it somewhere.)

I had no choice. I grabbed a trash can, a broom and a dustpan and started cleaning everything up. I had to throw a lot of it away because there was just no salvaging it. It took me about an hour to clear everything off the concrete. While I was doing this, a couple across the alley came up to me and were carrying my keyboard. "Uh, we think this is yours. Someone left it at our back door." I told them, yes, it was mine and thanked them. I examined the keyboard. She had smashed one side on the ground and broke about four keys off the end. However, I plugged it in and found that it still functioned properly.

I didn't say anything to Kelz. I didn't want her to think that any of that stuff really mattered to me. I didn't want her to know that she had hurt me. I didn't want to give her that satisfaction. I put all the stuff I could keep back where it was and we went about our usual business.

One time, she got mad and threw a box of Nesquik at me. It didn't hit me, but it fell on the floor and burst open. Before we could do anything, Sasd started crying and Kelz went into the living room to check on her. While she was doing that, I noticed that some of the Nesquik had landed close to cassette deck on her portable stereo. So I grabbed some of the powder and dropped it in the deck. It looked like it landed in there after she threw the box. She never said anything about her stereo getting wrecked.

(And I should add that this was also revenge for something else she did. She had a tendency to record songs she liked off the radio. Usually, she would grab a blank cassette tape to record with because I had several laying around. However, I once found out that she had recorded over the tape that contained my master tracks for my cassette release. I HAD IT CLEARLY MARKED AND SHE STILL RECORDED OVER THEM! I never forgave her for that. She never thought she did anything wrong.)

A couple of days before the end of their stay, we got into another fight. After she went into the living room to feed Sasd, I decided I could expedite the situation. I took the TV, VCR and phone out of the bedroom (along with some of my other valuables) and put them out in the car. By the time she got up and saw what I was doing, I was getting my last load out the back door and into the car. I drove off and took everything to work to store there.

When I got home, she had thrown all my clothes outside. (Fortunately, she didn't try to trash my keyboard again.) I was glad I didn't have so much to clean up this time.

However, she did talk me into bringing the telephone back. I agreed with her that if something happened to Sasd, she would need to call 911. I did not include the electrical adapter which allowed the phone to ring. This meant she could call out, but wouldn't know if someone was calling us unless she looked at the Caller ID.

So, she got very ticked off that she didn't have any entertainment (especially since I'd wrecked her stereo). When I was home and trying to take a nap, she would bang on the wall for entertainment. I knew the end was coming, but I didn't know how long she was going to be able to hold out before she exploded.

I didn't have to wait long.

Friend Zone #11: Fraz

While reading this article, ask yourself this question: Have you ever made a friend through sheer osmosis?

Let me explain how osmosis should work in the friend world. In my life, I have always met my friends through the following resources: School, Work, Family, Other Friends and Personal Ads. In other words, there had to be some form of mediation that put me in a position to meet someone and work toward a friendship from there.

Before I get into the meat of this article, I also have to set up a few characters in the San Diego music scene. This was one of the reasons I stalled the re-ignition of the blog about a year ago. I couldn't figure out how to reconcile the influence of those in the scene without using their real names. Well, now I have figured it out. I'm going to use rather specific nicknames to describe them (that don't fall into the "d" or "z" mold).

One Friday night, after my separation from Kelz, I went to Java Joe's in Ocean Beach. They were having a showcase organized by a woman I'll call "Promoter" that was going to feature a number of local female singer-songwriters. I arrived about 15 minutes early and got in line to get something to drink. Fairly soon, a woman I'll call "Jazzer" came behind me in line. Jazzer had met Kelz on two previous occasions. Once was at the Wikiup Cafe when a man I'll call "Soulster" had put together a songwriter circle event that included Abed and her. The second time was fairly soon after Sasd was born when Abed opened for Soulster at Java's Joe's. When I was in line to get some hot water to heat up the formula, Jazzer was behind me and noticed that someone had brought an infant. I told her she had met Kelz before, so she was welcome to go up and see the baby. After Jazzer talked to her for a little bit, Kelz asked "WHO WAS THAT?" I had to explain she had met Jazzer before.

So this particular night, Jazzer asked me what happened to Kelz and Sasd. I gave her an abbreviated version of the story (that I've been writing about the last month) and told her I had to move out of the apartment, but they were doing okay. Somehow the conversation turned to the fact that I had come out with a CD release the year before. Jazzer was interested in hearing it. She said she was going to be playing at Claire de Lune the next night and I could drop it off. I warned her that Kelz and Sasd were likely going to be with me because we had actually made plans to do something that night.

I found an empty table in the back and sat down with my drink to wait for the show to begin. While I was waiting, this woman came up and asked if she could sit at the table. She had medium-length, dark, frizzy hair. She had on a white t-shirt and blue jean shorts. She was also carrying flowers. Every once in awhile, she'd ask me a question about the show and I'd answer her. We started conversing. Her name was Fraz.

While we were talking, Jazzer stopped by our table and I introduced her to Fraz. Later, Promoter and her singer-songwriter partner "Promotee" stopped by the table and I introduced them to Fraz as well. Another singer-songwriter, "Appalachian" stopped by and I introduced them, but it turned out they had already met.

Fraz and I continued our conversation between sets after each artist (including everyone I introduced) performed. We appeared to have a lot in common. She was about a year younger than me and we were both very interested in the San Diego music scene. She had actually written a few articles for local publications and happened to be working on one about Appalachian.

After Appalachian had performed her set, Fraz went toward the stage and gave her the flowers she had been holding. I thought this was kind of odd. Since I was just in the beginning phase of getting Kelz out of my life, I didn't try to get Fraz' phone number or anything. After the show was over, we went our separate ways.

(The next night, Kelz, Sasd and I went to Claire de Lune to give Jazzer the CD. She wasn't onstage at the time. Kelz was throwing a fit the whole time because she thought this was another woman I was having sex with. I just wanted to give Jazzer the CD and leave, but she said, "Oh, no. I want you to sign it for me." This was aggravating and I know Kelz was giving her dirty looks the whole time. I quickly signed it. It didn't take long because I only used my first name then. Four whole letters! We left and Kelz never saw Jazzer again.)

A couple of months later, after Kelz and Sasd had moved in with me at the cottage, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to volunteer for an "Art without Borders" event that was taking place that night in Downtown San Diego. I had been aware of the event and wanted to go, but didn't have the money. I told her I would be happy to, even though it meant I was going to have to leave Kelz and Sasd at home alone. (I did ask Kelz to go, but she didn't want to.) After helping set up some stuff, my friend asked me and another friend, Zoz, to stand behind the main seating to keep people from walking off this raised area where they could accidentally fall on the sidewalk. No one came near that, so we got to watch the entire performance for free without actually doing any work.

At one point, Zoz was talking to someone behind us. It turned out to be Fraz and a guy I would later know as Lawd. After she and Zoz finished their conversation. I called her by her name. She remembered me from Java Joe's. After the performance was over, we hung out in the area where a reception was taking place. At some point, I mentioned something about Kelz. Fraz was shocked! "What? You've been flirting with me this whole time and you have a girlfriend?" But she wasn't really mad about it, and it was probably because she had a little alcohol in her. We continued talking until I decided I needed to get back home to Kelz and Sasd. Again, because of my tenuous situation, I did not ask for her phone number.

A month later, after Kelz and Sasd had gone back to Iowa, Abed invited me to take part in Starve Theatre. It was a sort of open mic for poetry and music at El Campo Ruse in the Downtown area. This would be the night I would meet Leaz and Tez. After we arrived, Fraz came in with an acoustic guitar. We noticed each other right away. We talked a bit and I knew I wasn't going to let her get away without getting her phone number this time. She had these special cards printed up that featured a drawing of her face. She used these for her writing jobs.

If you saw the title of this piece, you know where this is headed: Straight to the Friend Zone. She told me that while she considered herself bi-sexual, her preference was more strongly inclined toward women. She admitted to having a little interest in me when she first saw me at Java Joe's because she couldn't tell if I was male or female with the long hair. She also revealed that the reason she gave Appalachian the flowers that night was because she got a strong sexual vibe from her during the interview she conducted. That didn't pan out. However, she was impressed that I seemed to know so many people in the local music scene and didn't forget about me.

Fraz will be making numerous appearances throughout this blog. I included her at this juncture to have a little something positive to share ahead of the dark path I'm about to go down. It also sets up the aftermath of a major incident I will go into detail about in an upcoming post.

Stay tuned for that.

When Cowboy Met Charlie

Once upon a time, Ms. Ogolon and I had one cat. His name was Cowboy. This was years before she gave birth to Boyd. Anyway, a couple of years after Cowboy came into our home, we decided to get another cat to keep him company. Her name was Charlie.

When we first brought Charlie home from the pet adoption clinic, we had to keep her in a room separate from Cowboy for a few days to ensure that she didn't bring in any cat diseases that could be spread. Cowboy was aware there was a female cat behind that closed door:



After a couple of days, we opened the door and put a barrier in place to keep them separated. But Cowboy could see Charlie.



After that, they started interacting a little more on opposite sides of the barrier. (Please forgive the shakiness at the beginning of this video. I was trying to zoom in because I didn't want to scare Charlie.)



We still have both cats. We've had Cowboy for nine years and Charlie for six.

An unplanned socialization

After Kelz and Sasd had been living with me for a few days, I got a call from Perd. Since I last saw him, he went back to New Mexico, got married to this woman he was dating and moved her back to San Diego. She was 19 years old. I'll call her Bird.

Perd and Bird wanted to go to the Adams Ave. Street Fair, which was taking place that weekend. As I mentioned before, it was about a half-block away from my house. We didn't have to arrange for any special parking. They could just park behind my house.

Perd and Bird lived in Ocean Beach. He didn't have a job, but was still playing with his band. Bird was the one who was working.

They came over and we walked over to Adams Ave. Kelz and Bird seemed to get along pretty well since they were close to each other's ages. We mostly walked around, stopped here and there to look at stuff and check out live music. At one point, Perd spotted a couple of bandmates in the beer garden. He and I went in. However, Kelz, Sasd and Bird weren't allowed in because they were under 21. While Perd was talking to his friends, Kelz and Bird kept GLARING at us through the chain-link fence.

Perd and Bird decided to go home. Kelz, Sasd and I walked around some more. At some point, we got separated. I ran back and forth along the festival, but couldn't find them. I decided to go back to the house and wait for them. When I got there, I found that Kelz had already been there. She had broken the window on the back door in order to let herself in. (I did not give her a key. I didn't trust her THAT much.) But when I went inside, Kelz and Sasd weren't there! I'd already searched all over the festival for them and I didn't want to do that again. AND I didn't want to leave the cottage so vulnerable. I put up a piece of cardboard in the window to hopefully prevent anyone else from trying to break in.

When Kelz and Sasd finally returned about an hour later. "Why did you leave without telling me where you were going?" "Bird and I were mad at you and Perd for stranding us outside the beer garden." "We didn't go in there to drink and we weren't in there very long." "THAT DOESN'T MATTER! You should have been out there with us!"

"And then, why did you break the window on the back door?" "I didn't have a key!" "I KNOW THAT! I mean, why didn't you tell me you needed to come back home? I would have let you in!" "I didn't want to have anything to do with you after that. YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

There was nothing left to fight about. But things calmed down later before we went to bed.

I never did get that window fixed. I just had to hope nobody would ever notice or try to break in. I was wrong. Many weeks later (after Kelz and Sasd had left), I came home and found that the lock on the door was turned slightly askew. I then found that the door was unlocked. I went inside. All my stuff was still there: the TV, the keyboard, the furniture. But after a few minutes, I found that something was missing. I had half a roll of quarters on the shelf that was no longer there. At first, I thought someone had moved up the piece of cardboard, reached inside and opened the door. However, I recalled how the lock was askew. Someone used a hairpin or something to break in.

This was bewildering! Couldn't the person who broke in see that there was a piece of cardboard in the window that could have easily been moved out of the way? (Maybe they were afraid they were going to cut themselves.) Whoever it was put in a lot more effort than was needed. And they only got five dollars. I was thankful that was all they took and never saw a need to return.

After I moved out of the apartment, I got the statement with my deposit refund. It cost $25 to fix the window. If I'd known it was going to cost that little, I could have just gotten it done myself.

Loving the Last Phase

When Kelz and Sasd moved back in with me, I thought we were going to have a platonic arrangement and would sleep on separate beds. Since she said she couldn't have sex for six weeks following the abortion (and this still fell within that period), I had no expectations of us being intimate. In addition, the last couple of times I'd seen them at Mr. & Mrs. B's, we'd get into an argument and I'd leave in a huff.

Before we went to bed the first night, we got into another argument. I got fed up, went to the bedroom and laid down. I figured she'd just go to bed in the living room. After a few minutes, she climbed into bed and had her back toward me. I tried to fall asleep. A few minutes later, with her back still turned to me, she said, "I want you to f*** me." "Uh, what?" She sat up and turned toward me. "I said, 'I want you to f*** me.'" "We can't do that. Remember what the doctor said?" "I don't care what the doctor said! I want you to f*** me!" "We not supposed to!" "IT'S MY BODY AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT! I WANT YOU TO F*** ME!" "I'm not going to do that!" "YOU WENT OUT AND YOU F***ED THOZ! WHY WON'T YOU F*** ME?" "I didn't have sex with Thoz!" "I DON'T CARE IF YOU DID OR DIDN'T! I WANT YOU TO F*** ME!"

Even though this was late at night, I'm pretty certain the neighbors could hear us. I don't remember how this happened, but she finally stopped screaming and we fell asleep on the same bed. I woke up the next day and went to work. I came home, helped take care of Sasd and we started to get ready for bed. Again, we got into an argument. Again, I went to the bedroom and laid down. She came in a little later and asked, "So, are we going to f*** tonight?" Not wanting a repeat of the screamfest from the night before, I gave in. "Yeah, let's do it."

And this became the pattern for the next three weeks. Regardless of whether we had a good day or a bad day, we got into bed together every night. I would give Kelz a good night kiss. The kissing would then turn passionate and the next thing I knew, we would be making love.

The purpose of this article is to help you understand what's taking place after all the crazy stuff I'm going to go into detail about in the next few posts. Know that after every mess that got created, we would find ourselves becoming intimate before we fell asleep. Every day was a rollercoaster and I never asked her why, after all she was claiming I was putting her through, she still wanted to share that closeness with me.

After it was all over, I think that what she was trying to accomplish was to avoid going back to Iowa. She probably determined that all she needed to do was have sex with me every night and I wouldn't want her to leave. But that was all she thought she had to do. So to her, it didn't matter how she treated me the rest of the day, as long as we were intimate at the end of it, I wouldn't want her and Sasd to leave.

But she still thought I was sleeping around. "I don't care if you are f***ing Thoz, as long as you come home and give me some." That didn't make it any easier.

This is a period in my life that I'm not proud of. While it was going on, I didn't feel like I was trying hard to uphold my end of the relationship, but I still appeared to be reaping the rewards.

Right back where we started

So, Kelz and Sasd were starting to overstay their welcome at Mr. & Mrs. B's. I don't know what was going on during those times I wasn't around, but I'm pretty certain drama found its way into their house on a regular basis. And it probably brought a few buddies along. I guess I'm glad I was never aware of everything that went on.

Apparently, a decision was made that Kelz and Sasd needed to go back to Iowa to move back in with her grandmother. A plane ticket was purchased and plans were made. They were supposed to leave on a specific day at a specific time and there was no turning back. I actually was counting down the days until I never had to worry about them again.

And then Sasd got sick. Not really, really sick (like she had to go to the hospital), but had a slight cold. As you're probably aware, it's not a good idea to get on a plane if you have a cold. It could cause permanent ear damage. So Kelz was able to get a delay on the air travel.

But there was a problem. Mr. & Mrs. B had planned a vacation to start right after Kelz and Sasd were supposed to leave. (I guess they felt they REALLY needed that.) They couldn't delay their trip. So Kelz asked me if she and Sasd could stay with me while they went on their trip. I really wasn't in a position to say no. This meant they were moving back in with me.

Kelz said that in return, I would only need to pay her back half the money she loaned me. That was going to help. After all, this was supposed to be temporary until Sasd felt well enough to get on the plane. This wasn't going to be like when Kelz moved back in when she was pregnant. However, we didn't have a set expiration date for this. I had no control over the travel arrangements and I guess it was Kelz who did. This was all going to have to be per her schedule. This was one thing I didn't consider.

So they moved in with me and Mr. & Mrs. B left on their vacation. And Kelz and I began what would become the final phase of our relationship.

Unsettling News

Kelz called me up one day. "Hey, I'm pregnant. And it's yours!"

The first thought that entered my mind was: "THAT'S FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE! I USE CONDOMS! EVERY! SINGLE! TIME! AND YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE! I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT I'M THE FATHER!"

But I managed to keep these thoughts inside my head. I asked her what she wanted to do. "I want to get an abortion. I've already made an appointment to get one."

I thought, "Okay, end of discussion. She's already made the choice. I'm not going to stop her. I don't have a problem with this because I know full well I'm not the father." I asked for the appointment details. She told me when and where it was and that she wanted me to come pick her up afterward. I agreed to give her a ride home.

Since she had already planned the abortion, I wondered why she felt the need to tell me I was the father, particularly considering that I was likely not going to believe her. Did she think I would talk her out of it if I thought the baby was mine? She wasn't going to be able to pull that charade for very long because we were apt to have another situation like Sasd, in which it would have been very obvious I wasn't the father.

And I wondered if she had said anything to Ned. By this point, this guy had completely disappeared out of the picture, never to be heard from again.

Regardless of the knowledge that it wasn't mine and that Kelz had supposedly had prior abortions, I was still concerned about her. A singer-songwriter I knew in San Diego once wrote a song called, "After an Abortion." Seriously, it's one of the scariest songs I've ever heard. The artist details every range of emotion and feeling a woman experiences after having an abortion. Before I heard that song, I'd never given much thought about the mental impact the procedure would have on a woman. I just figured a woman decides to do that and it's done and over with. She just moves on with her life.

Some time ago, a Facebook "acquaintance" of mine was posting about the topic of abortion. He mentioned that he had gotten a few girlfriends pregnant in the past and each time, they had a logical discussion and decided that an abortion was the right thing to do. My thinking was, "Do you not know about the emotional toll the woman has to pay? Did none of these women express their feelings afterward? I'm guessing not, because if you had any idea what they were going through, you'd take measures to make sure you never put another woman in that position!"

I arrived at the clinic. Kelz was waiting outside. I got out of my car and went up to her. We held each other for a minute without saying anything.

As she got into my car, I asked her how she was doing. She said she was okay. I didn't press for any more information, but I could only imagine what she was thinking.

She also told me that the doctor said she couldn't have sex for six weeks. I saw this as a positive. No more giving into my urges and then feeling guilty about it afterward.

I dropped her off at Mr. & Mrs. B's and drove home. I didn't know how this was going to affect her in the long run, and I never did find out. The possibility that I had gotten her pregnant was never a topic of discussion ever again.

Training Day

At our house, we're not satisfied with just letting a train go around in a circle.



But it's a good thing we only get a limited amount of tracks with each set. Otherwise, we'd have some REAL crazy stuff all over the house!

The Big Ticket

Since I moved to California in 1991, all the cars I drove were registered out of state. And for the majority of that time, I didn't have car insurance. I tried to be very careful when I drove. Anytime I got pulled over, I was basically let off with a fix-it ticket or a warning. I always swore to the officer I would get the car registered and insured, but I never did.

One day, I went to pay my electric bill in this shopping center at 54th St. and El Cajon Blvd. This was something I did on a monthly basis. There's a great place to make a left turn out of the parking lot so you can go north on 54th. However, there's a sign telling you that you can only make a right turn. But if you make that right turn, you have to drive down about a quarter-mile before you can make a U-turn and head the opposite direction. It made no sense to go through all that, especially when there was no traffic in either direction. (But if there was heavy traffic going north, I would follow the law and make the right turn.)

This particular day, I made the left turn onto 54th. Afterward, I turned left onto El Cajon Blvd. Then I heard the blare of a police motorcycle. I pulled over. I knew that all the luck I'd had up to this point had run out. I was going to have to pay dearly for this. (I am aware that this was a trap, but I'd never been caught before nor had seen anyone pulled over before.)

I gave the officer my registration and ID. I told him I didn't have insurance. He told me I wasn't allowed to make a left turn there. The next thing I knew, a pick up truck pulled up next to the cop and two men inside told him about some kind of emergency that was taking place about a block away. I figured this for what it was: They were trying to get him to stop giving me the ticket and check out the issue. He thanked them and they drove off. He continued writing out the ticket. I knew I was not going to be that lucky.

So I was going to have to get a smog check, register my vehicle, get insurance and pay a fine in order for me to continue to drive my car. The smog check and the insurance were easy. Registering my vehicle was going to be more difficult because the DMV at the time was illegally charging a $400 fee for out of state vehicles. Even though it had been proven to be illegal, they continued to collect it.

I was determined to do this without turning to my parents. Even though I got an advance on my pay, I was still stuck owing a lot of money that all had to be paid by a certain date. I resorted to something I thought I would never do: I went to Kelz to ask if she would loan me the money. She had just started getting Welfare and since she didn't have to pay for housing expenses, she could temporarily spare the cash. I was very thankful.

My last step was to go to the courthouse and pay the fine. It was a very long line. There were several windows and you had to wait for the next available employee so you could pay your fine. It seemed like every person took 15 minutes at each window. I got to the front of the line where I would be next. I saw a transaction finish up at a window. I prepared to go up. The employee closed his window. I had to wait another 15 minutes before someone else's window was available. The thing that made me mad was that my business wound up only taking five minutes. Why didn't anybody else take as short a time?

But it didn't matter. I was legally free and clear to continue driving. I didn't have to be on hyperalert anymore. I could drive and not worry about getting pulled over because my car was registered and I had insurance.

The next day, I was driving home from work along 5th Ave. While I was slowly proceeding north with my window rolled down, a police officer got my attention and told me to pull over because I had been caught speeding on their radar. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I JUST THREW A BUNCH OF CASH INTO THIS AND NOW I HAVE TO PAY MORE?

I handed him my ID, registration and proof of insurance, which were all nice and legal now. He went away and came back a few minutes later. "I'm going to let you off with a warning!" "Oh, thank you!" WHEW!

As for that illegal $400 DMV fee, a couple of years later, the court ordered the state to refund all the money it had collected. Even though I no longer had the car, I still had the receipts associated with the change in registration and was able to get that money back with interest.

But I never did pay Kelz back her money.

A needed vacation

For the first time ever, I was not just taking a vacation from my work. I was taking a vacation from my life. With everything that had been going on with Kelz and Sasd, I really needed a break to try to get my head on straight and connect with family and friends. I had planned to go to Artesia, Albuquerque and Denver and do my usual route through Las Vegas.

This would also be my first trip in more than a year in which Kelz didn't come along. My parents were very pleased they weren't going to have to put up with her nonsense. I didn't have to worry about buying endless amounts of snacks to keep Kelz fed and I didn't have to worry about the problems associated with bringing a baby on a road trip, especially a baby with respiratory issues.

I don't recall anything eventful that took place while I was visiting my parents. Maybe that was the bad thing about not bring Kelz along. It wasn't very memorable. I'm certain someone would have wound up getting injured or arrested if she had come along.

One of the things I had planned on this trip was to reconnect with a couple of old high school friends, Led and Rod. I had seen Led a few times while I was going to college and would see him when he came to visit his family for Christmas. I hadn't seen Rod since my trip to New York City in 1984. I had contacted with Led and made arrangements to stay at his apartment.

I've already gone into a pretty good amount of detail about what happened during this trip to Albuquerque in the links I provided above, so I don't need to rehash all that. I can say that when I told Led I was going to try to look up Rod while I was there, he said he didn't care much for Rod while we were going to school with him "...and it's not because he's gay!" I had to acknowledge that Rod could be deceptive at times, but he was one of the few people in high school I had anything in common with.

I drove up to Denver where I was going to be staying with Rid and his wife. I had met her a couple of years earlier during my last trip to Denver (which I did not blog about). However, as it turned out, he was never legally married to that wife because she never finalized her divorce from her first husband. But she is one of the two women that Rid had a child with. This visit was before she got pregnant. During this time, Rid was taking care of his son. I spent so much time at Rid's house that his son said at one point, "I have two daddies!"

I also saw Knod and her mother. Knod was really getting fed up with the threats from Kelz. Since Kelz would always hang up the phone before she could explain that we were just friends, she asked me to give Kelz a written message. She wrote it on the outside of an envelope.

I guess I never gave Kelz the letter. But it wouldn't have made a difference.

I also don't remember much about my trip to Vegas this time. This just turned out to be a really dull vacation.

And that was just what I needed.

Seduction: The Cruel Ex

While I was still trying to adjust to my single life, I found it very hard because I continued to have frequent contact with Kelz. Sometimes, we could be friends and go out and do things with Sasd. Other times, she would act like a crazy ex-girlfriend, and it was worse than the first time I kicked her out of the apartment.

One day, I was at work. A man wearing a tuxedo shirt and cummerbund came in with a whole bunch of pizzas. He was from some gourmet pizza restaurant I'd never heard of. (I was still so poor at the time that if I didn't have a coupon or could get the pizza for $1 a slice, I didn't get it.) He said he had a delivery for me and that it was $120. I told him I didn't order any pizza. The expression on his face turned into a blank stare. "Uh, then who did?" "It was probably my ex-girlfriend." "I don't know what I'm going to do..." He walked back out the door.

My supervisor was disappointed. He actually thought I had ordered pizza for everyone that day. I felt really bad for that guy. If I'd thought about it at the time, I would have given him a $20 bill as a tip. He was probably expecting a big tip for that delivery and he was going to have to walk away empty handed.

About a half-hour later, I got a call at work. It was someone from the pizza place and he was demanding answers. I gave him Kelz' name and the phone number to Mr. & Mrs. B's. I can only assume that all he was able to do was call her and yell at her, but didn't get any money. Later that day, I came home to a phone message featuring Kelz cackling wickedly.

And Kelz was also dead set on making life hell for my female friends. I had already written about how she used to threaten Thoz. Well, she decided to do the same to Knod. Anytime Kelz actually got Knod on the phone, Knod would try to explain that we're only friends, she doesn't think of me that way and that I'm like a brother to her. Kelz just didn't want to hear it. Knod was used to getting death threats from other people, so this wasn't any skin off her back. She just didn't like how it was coming from someone she hadn't even met.

Kelz once told me that Sasd would cry every time I left Mr. & Mrs. B's. I'd never noticed it before. One day, I came over. Sasd had just woken up from her nap and she was obviously very excited to see me. But Kelz had some bad news. She said she didn't want me to be in Sasd's life any more. She felt like if I wasn't going to be around for the long run, I didn't need to be coming over any more. This saddened me, but I agreed it was for the best. Before leaving, I told Sasd to be a good little girl and not cry when I leave. Kelz said, "Oh, she's gotten over that." As soon as I closed the door, I could hear Sasd crying. REALLY LOUD! I could hear her all the way across the street as I walked out to my car. It was heartbreaking.

But no, that wasn't the last I would see of them. Kelz called up the next day and needed me to do something for her. That didn't last long.

One of the perks of my job is that the local organization that brought touring Broadway productions to town would give us free tickets. I took Kelz to see "Cats." In the middle of the show, she got mad at me for some reason and sat a few seats away from me. I think she got the idea I had developed a "thing" for one of the cats. A few weeks later, we went to see "West Side Story." A woman I'd never met before or spoke to before the show occupied the other seat next to me. Kelz started getting jealous that I was sitting next to another woman. I pointed out that she was sitting next to a guy. "Yeah! But this guy's a faggot." I offered to change seats with her. The guy in the next seat asked, "What is up with her?" "She's got a lot of problems. You have no idea." And then Kelz and the other guy got into a shouting match in which Kelz called him a "faggot" again. He and his boyfriend got up and left. A few minutes later, they got seated closer to the stage. I was glad they got to benefit without us having to get thrown out. She actually did enjoy "West Side Story."

We also went to see "Beauty and the Beast." We didn't have any problems there because we had aisle seats. However, there was a rather tall man sitting directly in front of her. Even with the stadium seats in the balcony, it wasn't much help. She still enjoyed it.

During all this, Kelz decided to give Welfare another try. Because of where she was living now, she was told to go to the downtrodden Welfare office instead of the rather pleasant one. She asked me to drive her and Sasd there to an appointment. It turned out that she wasn't just there for an appointment. She was also there to meet a guy she had somehow connected with. This guy's name was Ned. I wound up having to watch Sasd while Kelz was clearly flirting with this guy.

After the Welfare appointment, Ned got in the car with us. He was going with Kelz to Mr. & Mrs. B's. He sat in the backseat. Kelz and Ned continued their flirting while I was driving. At one point, he had his hand across her chest. I didn't know what to say. I just hoped I wouldn't have to come across Ned very often.

After she started receiving Welfare money, she decided to get her tongue re-pierced. She was able to contact Aard, who had moved to a new location in Downtown San Diego. We went to his new studio and she set up an appointment for the piercing. (He acted like he'd never met her before.) The day of the appointment, I arrived at Mr. & Mrs. B's to find that Ned was there. I put Sasd's seat in the car. She told me Ned was coming. I asked if I was going to drop him off somewhere before we got to Aard's. She said he was coming with us for the piercing. I told her, "I didn't agree to that!" I took the car seat out, put it on the street and drove off. Kelz called me up later at home and cussed me out. Later, she set another appointment and assured me that Ned wasn't coming this time.

I didn't really like that I had to resort to a public display of anger like that. And I really didn't like that Mr. & Mrs. B were seeing the worst side of me. However, it didn't really matter. I found out that Kelz had been saying a lot of bad things about me to them and they apparently believed it. I tried calling Mr. B to try to set the record straight, but he just appeared to patronize me.

Once, Kelz and I got into a verbal altercation and she started trying to push me out of the house. Since Mrs. B was watching, I clasped my hands behind my back so I couldn't be accused to lifting my hands to harm her. I resisted what I could to get pushed out of the house. I decided it was pointless to continue and just left.

I figured out that day that some people are just going to think bad things about me and it doesn't matter what I try to do otherwise. I had to look on the bright side: As long as I wasn't being arrested, everything was just fine.

Another bright side: I had a vacation coming up. I'll get to that tomorrow.