Aunt Mard's funeral

I woke up the day of Aunt Mard's funeral and ate breakfast at my relatives'. Everyone I saw was in a somber mood. It was like several other funerals I had attended before. People were glad to see me, but it seemed like they'd rather it be during happier occasions.

I got to meet up with Mom, Dend and Loyd. I got some more information about the accident. Apparently, the person who struck Mard was an off-duty police officer. He hadn't been drinking or anything. That still didn't help. But the situation had just gotten a little worse. After Mard had passed away, it had been decided by all the family members that the funeral would have a closed casket. This was because the accident had drastically altered Mard's face. However, at dinner the night before, her husband Hed stated that he didn't think Mard looked all that bad and that the funeral would be open casket.

On top of this, Hed had a cassette of Christian music that he and Mard enjoyed listening to. He wanted the entire tape to play at the service and to have everyone in attendance just listen to that for an hour. That part didn't happen, but they were going to do the open casket.

Dend took me and Loyd to a clothing store. He said he would buy us some shirts for the funeral. I didn't need him to buy me a shirt because I had brought one to wear. However, Loyd picked out a shirt that was the same color as mine (dark blue) and I decided I wanted to wear a different shirt. I was able to get a black one.

We went to a different relative's house and waited to go to the funeral. A lot of family members I hadn't seen in a long time came over. We spent a lot of time trying to catch up with everyone.

We went to the funeral home for the service. Dend pointed out the man who had hit Mard with his car. He appeared to be a few years younger than me. He didn't really look like a cop. And he didn't wear his uniform. I could only imagine what he was going through. I don't know how I would feel if someone had died after I had accidentally hit them with my car. Even though I was likely not at fault, I would be so stricken with grief, I wouldn't be able to attend the funeral.

It was a pleasant service. At the end, we all walked by Mard's coffin. Mom was right. She didn't look like the Aunt Mard I knew and grew up with. But I could see Hed's point. She wasn't horribly disfigured. However, when I search my memories of the funeral, I don't recall how her face appeared in the coffin. I only see the face of Mard that I remember. I was actually glad I got to see her that one last time.

Loyd and I talked to Hed for a little bit. We told him we were sorry, but he seemed to be okay. He wasn't expressing any sorrow. He appeared to be glad that the whole family came to the funeral. He said that was what Mard wanted. (Usually, I'll state that I wasn't aware at the time that I would see someone. But in this case, both Loyd and I were fairly certain we would never see Hed again. And so far, we haven't.)

At one point, I was in the car with Mom, Cind, Ord, Aunt Merd and Loyd. We were driving somewhere. Loyd and I were in the back seat. Mom was in the front seat. At one point, she turned around and asked what was going to happen when Kelz had the baby. I told her I didn't know. We were still a few months away from her giving birth. We hadn't really discussed what would happen after that.

Mom: "Well, you'd better be careful. She could claim you're the father on the birth certificate and you'd be responsible!"

Me: "Oh, Kelz isn't going to do that."

Mom: "How did you know she's not going to do that?"

Me: "Well, she's not going to be able to do that."

Mom: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN she's not going to be able to do that?"

Me: "BECAUSE THE FATHER IS BLACK!"

All of a sudden, EVERYONE in the car started SCREAMING! You'd think we were about to hit a fuel tanker. After everything had settled down, we discussed the situation a little bit more, but didn't reach any real conclusion because I had no idea what Kelz was thinking about doing.

Loyd arranged to have me and him spend that night at the home of one of our second cousins. While there, Loyd asked about what Hed was to us. Since he and Mard had no children, was he still our uncle? I told him that they had been married for 22 years. By comparison, Dad's oldest sister was married when she was 18, but died very soon after. Since this happened years before we were born and there were no children, I wouldn't consider that guy our uncle. But Hed was still my uncle, even without the blood tie.

Then we got into a discussion of our extended family. I explained how the cousin we were staying with and her sister were our second cousins, but their mother (who was Mom's cousin) was our first cousin once removed. Loyd had trouble grasping the concept of "once removed" until I explained that it meant a generation removed. The older sister had a child. I also explained that the child was our second cousin once removed. If Loyd or I had children, they would be third cousins with that child.

The cousin we were staying with had a spare bedroom. Loyd slept in there. I slept on the couch. The next morning, there were a couple of vans to take several family members back to the Albuquerque/Santa Fe area. Since we would arrive hours before I needed to be at the airport, they dropped me off with a second cousin who had an apartment in Albuquerque and he agreed to drive me to the airport. We just hung out for a couple of hours and watched "Legend... (wait for it) ...s of the Fall" on his VCR.

He dropped me off at the airport. I checked in and got my boarding passes. Once I got on the plane, there was a problem. There was a lot of snow and ice on the wings, so we had to sit there and wait for about 30 minutes while they thawed them out. But I only had a brief layover in Phoenix scheduled and I was afraid we weren't going to leave in time.

We did get to Phoenix and I was able to find the gate. They were still boarding, but I was apparently the last passenger to get on. I found my seat. As I was getting situated, I told the couple in my row that my first flight got held up because of the snow. The guy (who was about my age) said, "Oh, that's terrible." For the first time in my life, I could tell that someone was being sarcastic and didn't really care about anything I had to say. I didn't like that the ability to detect that took several years to develop.

We arrived in San Diego with no trouble. I was able to take the bus home. Kelz was still there. She told me she cried when I left because she was used to me babying her when she was sick.

For once, it felt good to be home.