Fayd vs. "Mansplaining"

I'm going to start with a little bit of background before I get into the heart of this post: A few weeks ago, I found a friend I had attended Eastern New Mexico University with on Facebook. I hadn't really mentioned her in this blog, but I have made passing references with regards to my experience in the Theatre Department. We frequently hung out as we had a lot of similar interests in the arts. She was very intelligent and creative. However, our friendship had good and bad periods. Sometimes, we were the best of friends. Other times, she would find other people she would rather hang out with and ignore me. I never knew which friend she was going to be at any given time.

Since college, she has become a published author and has a number of other artistic works to her credit. Like me, she uses a different name, so that's why I didn't find her on Facebook until recently. Even though she accepted my friend request, I'm not certain she knows I'm the same person she went to ENMU with. She has more than a thousand friends, some of whom are other Eastern alumni.

A couple of weeks ago, she shared a post from someone griping about how John McCain was getting a lot of media attention for voting against the Senate healthcare plan when another Senator, Democrat Mazie Hirano of Hawaii, had also returned from cancer treatment to provide a vote that helped defeat the measure. I commented that while I could probably find a hundred articles about Hirano, McCain was definitely the bigger story because he had lost the Presidency to Obama in 2008. So, if there was someone who would have liked to have seen Obama's legacy wiped out, it would have been him. I added that the closest that Hirano would have to an adversarial relationship with Obama was if he came to a barbecue at her house and stuffed all the crab rangoon in his pockets before the other guests got to have any.

I thought my comment was poignant and humorous. However, my friend replied, "I did not know that. Thanks for 'mansplaining' that to me." I was rather taken aback by this. I'm aware of what "mansplaining" is, but I'd never been accused of it before. I thought it was unfair that she seemed to regard me as some male dominance blowhard who was patronizing her. My first course of action was to completely re-edit my comment so that it read something like, "You should be Senator instead of Bob Toomey. (She lived in Pennsylvania.) Then the Democrats wouldn't have needed McCain's vote." Of course, my original comment could still be read by clicking on "Edited," but it made her look like she was being unnecessarily mean to me.

I regret doing that, but I was angered by her comment. I justified it by thinking that if she was going to make me look foolish, I would just return the favor. I felt like I was back in college again during one of her "too cool for you" periods. I wish I had allowed my comment to remain and come back later with a more articulate response. But that likely would have resulted in another "mansplaining" accusation. So, what follows would be that response:

"It's important to me that I let you know how I have written comments similar to this on the posts of other friends, male and female. Some of them may dispute what I have written, some don't pay much attention, but none of them have indicated that I may be patronizing or treating them with disrespect. Since you are not friends with them, you don't see these comments.

"I have noticed that there is a difference in the way we share things on Facebook. If you look back at my posts, you'll likely see that when I share something, whether it's a photo, a video, an article or a meme, I will typically offer some sort of commentary on the subject. Sometimes, it's to make a joke. Other times, it's to let my friends know that I am aware of what's in the article and present a little perspective, and whether I agree or disagree with all or part of the content. You almost never do that with other people's works, especially those that are political in nature. You appear to simply choose the 'Share Now' option instead of taking the time to write a post. YOU ARE A WRITER. I do expect more from you. If I don't have a clue as to your views on a specific article or meme, how am I supposed to know when I may be stepping into 'mansplaining' territory?

"From what I've read on your profile, you don't have a lot of tolerance for people making comments on your posts when they relate to social issues. If the post is about the racial divide, you don't want to hear from anyone who isn't black. If it's about the struggle of women, you don't want men to comment. If it has to do with the LGBTQ community, you don't want perspective from those who are not LGBTQ. Honestly, I've steered clear of these topics when you post them. I try not to offend because I'm always on the other side and haven't experienced those prejudices first-hand.

"So when you share photos, articles and memes that are political without adding your two cents, I read it as, 'Here is a topic. Let's open it up for discussion.' And maybe my comments are not aimed specifically at you. They may be what I would say to the person from whom you shared. But unless you say otherwise, I should feel free to comment how I see fit without fear that I may be accused of being a misogynistic homophobic racist.

"So, to keep this from happening in the future, I recommend you copy and paste the following onto each article, meme and video you share dealing with politics and social issues:

This reflects how I feel. Please do not post any comments that diminish the message, even if they contain points of reference or the truth.

"But really, I would rather see you express your opinion in your own words."

(A side note: I had intended to share screenshots of the exchange between my friend and myself. When I wrote this article, I discovered that she completely removed the post. However, we're still friends on Facebook, so I guess she can put up with my antics for the time being.)