The rough patches between Kelz and me started about three weeks after we had moved in together. While we were consistently affectionate toward each other, I kind of felt like Kelz wasn't putting in her all in our relationship.
From the beginning, I tried to instill a level of trust with her. I told her that if she had a problem, she just needed to tell me about it. I asked her to please not make me read her mind or try to guess what was bothering her. I wanted her to come straight out and tell me. I didn't want her to be like Chez, who would bottle up everything inside and then blab about everything she hated about me when she was talking to her friends and family. And after she was done blabbing, she'd yell and scream about all sorts of inconsequential stuff that had nothing to do with her issues concerning me the second I walked in the door from work.
Did Kelz let me know directly when she had problems with me? Of course, she didn't. But she would use other methods. Specifically, by talking to someone on the phone really loud when I was home and she knew I could hear her. I would always bring up what she said on the phone and re-iterate that she needed to tell me this stuff first. After she's told me so I can try to fix it, then she can blab it to everyone else. This still never happened.
One of the things she complained about was that I was too "lovey-dovey" by wanting to hold hands all the time when we went out. This hurt, because hand-holding is very important to me. I always knew when relationships were coming to a close when the girlfriend stopped wanting to hold hands. I thought we were still in the honeymoon phase. I was sad to see that part was coming to a close so soon.
Another thing that she passive-aggressively spoke about was the fact that we hadn't had sex yet. It was really difficult for her, a lot more than she had imagined. I guess she thought it was cool at first to be with a guy who didn't have just that one thing on his mind, but that intimacy was something that she missed. Up to this point, we had started engaging in activity of a sexual nature, but we weren't having actual sex. I still was not ready for that. I didn't think I would ever be ready for that, but because I felt so strongly about her, I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold out forever and keep her.
One night, we were walking around Ocean Beach. I told her I knew that the day would come soon that we would be physically intimate. I didn't know when it was going to happen, but we should start shopping for condoms. She was very much in agreement with this. We went to a drug store and looked at their selection. She said she preferred the Trojan lubricated ones, so that's what I bought. There were 12 in the package. I looked at the box and wondered if it was possible for them to all be used in one night.
In the meantime, some other strange stuff was happening. Kelz was still attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I once came home and found her dressed up in my suit. She said she had delivered a presentation at a meeting she attended and had to look nice for it. Then she was telling me that she was holding separate NA meetings in our apartment when I wasn't around. I never saw any sign that anybody was ever there.
Sometimes, she would go out at night and do stuff without me. She didn't always tell me where she was going or what she was going. That was fine. She didn't need to tell me everything. According to her, she was hanging out with guys from the NA meetings. She would tell me that when they were hanging out, there was always one person who managed to get his hands on some drugs and everyone would try to talk him out of using again. It didn't always succeed. And then another guy would go ahead and start using since there was apparently enough to go around.
She told me that Aard, the guy who pierced her tongue, called her up and wanted to hang out with her. I found this really odd. However I felt about his appearance, he did not seem like the type of person who would encroach on another guy's girlfriend. I did hear a message he had left on our answering machine asking Kelz to call him, but it really just sounded like he was checking to see how she was doing and not trying to set up a date.
When she was supposed going out with him, she shouted out the front door, "I'm almost ready!" But I'm pretty certain there was no one outside. She came back a few hours later, but said that nothing really happened.
And then she told me that an ex-boyfriend from the satanic cult had moved to San Diego. She was very scared that he was going to find her and get her involved in the cult and get her to start using drugs again. I told her that San Diego was a big city and she shouldn't really worry about it, unless someone she knows tells him where she's at.
One night, we went to the Wikiup Cafe see a CD release party by a male singer-songwriter I knew (whom I will refer to as "Soulster"). Everybody thought he was going to be the next big thing, so much so that when he arrived, several people who knew him crowded him, trying to get his attention. He freaked out, got into his car and drove off. Kelz and I were waiting for the performance to begin (if it was going to). I thought Kelz was next to me the whole time, but after I had introduced her to someone and had a brief conversation with him, I turned around and didn't know where she was at. I looked all over the Cafe, inside and out. The guy we were there to see actually came back and started the solo portion of his show. I had a hard time enjoying it. I stayed for a few songs and then I left.
A couple of hours later, Kelz came into the apartment and she was very upset. She told me that the ex-boyfriend she was hoping to avoid had also come to the show. I was really getting skeptical of stuff she was telling me at this point. I said, "Really? From what you've told me about him, he doesn't sound like the type of person who would enjoy this style of music." (I later found out that has Soulster has the same real name as a member of a famous heavy metal band. This happened all the time at his shows. Fans of the heavy metal band would arrive and get really mad that he was not the person they were expecting. So yes, it was entirely plausible that the ex-boyfriend might show up. But I'm pretty certain she didn't know about the name confusion at the time I questioned it.)
She said that he made her go out with him to talk at a taco shop around the corner. They just talked for a couple of hours. He wanted to see her from time to time and she agreed. "Why did you agree?" She said she couldn't tell him no because he would seriously hurt her and me. And he had the connections to have her child harmed in Iowa. I couldn't argue with that, regardless of whether I thought the threat was real or not.
So, I never knew if any of this was happening. I was trying hard not to be paranoid about the relationship, but I couldn't help but think that all of this was pointing toward a grand finale in which we would go our separate ways. But at this point, I didn't know how that would be possible because she literally had nowhere else to go. I couldn't just kick her out. I would need a lot more to happen.
Trust me, it did.
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