While reading this article, ask yourself this question: Have you ever made a friend through sheer osmosis?
Let me explain how osmosis should work in the friend world. In my life, I have always met my friends through the following resources: School, Work, Family, Other Friends and Personal Ads. In other words, there had to be some form of mediation that put me in a position to meet someone and work toward a friendship from there.
Before I get into the meat of this article, I also have to set up a few characters in the San Diego music scene. This was one of the reasons I stalled the re-ignition of the blog about a year ago. I couldn't figure out how to reconcile the influence of those in the scene without using their real names. Well, now I have figured it out. I'm going to use rather specific nicknames to describe them (that don't fall into the "d" or "z" mold).
One Friday night, after my separation from Kelz, I went to Java Joe's in Ocean Beach. They were having a showcase organized by a woman I'll call "Promoter" that was going to feature a number of local female singer-songwriters. I arrived about 15 minutes early and got in line to get something to drink. Fairly soon, a woman I'll call "Jazzer" came behind me in line. Jazzer had met Kelz on two previous occasions. Once was at the Wikiup Cafe when a man I'll call "Soulster" had put together a songwriter circle event that included Abed and her. The second time was fairly soon after Sasd was born when Abed opened for Soulster at Java's Joe's. When I was in line to get some hot water to heat up the formula, Jazzer was behind me and noticed that someone had brought an infant. I told her she had met Kelz before, so she was welcome to go up and see the baby. After Jazzer talked to her for a little bit, Kelz asked "WHO WAS THAT?" I had to explain she had met Jazzer before.
So this particular night, Jazzer asked me what happened to Kelz and Sasd. I gave her an abbreviated version of the story (that I've been writing about the last month) and told her I had to move out of the apartment, but they were doing okay. Somehow the conversation turned to the fact that I had come out with a CD release the year before. Jazzer was interested in hearing it. She said she was going to be playing at Claire de Lune the next night and I could drop it off. I warned her that Kelz and Sasd were likely going to be with me because we had actually made plans to do something that night.
I found an empty table in the back and sat down with my drink to wait for the show to begin. While I was waiting, this woman came up and asked if she could sit at the table. She had medium-length, dark, frizzy hair. She had on a white t-shirt and blue jean shorts. She was also carrying flowers. Every once in awhile, she'd ask me a question about the show and I'd answer her. We started conversing. Her name was Fraz.
While we were talking, Jazzer stopped by our table and I introduced her to Fraz. Later, Promoter and her singer-songwriter partner "Promotee" stopped by the table and I introduced them to Fraz as well. Another singer-songwriter, "Appalachian" stopped by and I introduced them, but it turned out they had already met.
Fraz and I continued our conversation between sets after each artist (including everyone I introduced) performed. We appeared to have a lot in common. She was about a year younger than me and we were both very interested in the San Diego music scene. She had actually written a few articles for local publications and happened to be working on one about Appalachian.
After Appalachian had performed her set, Fraz went toward the stage and gave her the flowers she had been holding. I thought this was kind of odd. Since I was just in the beginning phase of getting Kelz out of my life, I didn't try to get Fraz' phone number or anything. After the show was over, we went our separate ways.
(The next night, Kelz, Sasd and I went to Claire de Lune to give Jazzer the CD. She wasn't onstage at the time. Kelz was throwing a fit the whole time because she thought this was another woman I was having sex with. I just wanted to give Jazzer the CD and leave, but she said, "Oh, no. I want you to sign it for me." This was aggravating and I know Kelz was giving her dirty looks the whole time. I quickly signed it. It didn't take long because I only used my first name then. Four whole letters! We left and Kelz never saw Jazzer again.)
A couple of months later, after Kelz and Sasd had moved in with me at the cottage, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to volunteer for an "Art without Borders" event that was taking place that night in Downtown San Diego. I had been aware of the event and wanted to go, but didn't have the money. I told her I would be happy to, even though it meant I was going to have to leave Kelz and Sasd at home alone. (I did ask Kelz to go, but she didn't want to.) After helping set up some stuff, my friend asked me and another friend, Zoz, to stand behind the main seating to keep people from walking off this raised area where they could accidentally fall on the sidewalk. No one came near that, so we got to watch the entire performance for free without actually doing any work.
At one point, Zoz was talking to someone behind us. It turned out to be Fraz and a guy I would later know as Lawd. After she and Zoz finished their conversation. I called her by her name. She remembered me from Java Joe's. After the performance was over, we hung out in the area where a reception was taking place. At some point, I mentioned something about Kelz. Fraz was shocked! "What? You've been flirting with me this whole time and you have a girlfriend?" But she wasn't really mad about it, and it was probably because she had a little alcohol in her. We continued talking until I decided I needed to get back home to Kelz and Sasd. Again, because of my tenuous situation, I did not ask for her phone number.
A month later, after Kelz and Sasd had gone back to Iowa, Abed invited me to take part in Starve Theatre. It was a sort of open mic for poetry and music at El Campo Ruse in the Downtown area. This would be the night I would meet Leaz and Tez. After we arrived, Fraz came in with an acoustic guitar. We noticed each other right away. We talked a bit and I knew I wasn't going to let her get away without getting her phone number this time. She had these special cards printed up that featured a drawing of her face. She used these for her writing jobs.
If you saw the title of this piece, you know where this is headed: Straight to the Friend Zone. She told me that while she considered herself bi-sexual, her preference was more strongly inclined toward women. She admitted to having a little interest in me when she first saw me at Java Joe's because she couldn't tell if I was male or female with the long hair. She also revealed that the reason she gave Appalachian the flowers that night was because she got a strong sexual vibe from her during the interview she conducted. That didn't pan out. However, she was impressed that I seemed to know so many people in the local music scene and didn't forget about me.
Fraz will be making numerous appearances throughout this blog. I included her at this juncture to have a little something positive to share ahead of the dark path I'm about to go down. It also sets up the aftermath of a major incident I will go into detail about in an upcoming post.
Stay tuned for that.
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