So, what was really the deal with Marz? Why did she like me so much at the beginning and then start disliking, but not to the point that she was willing to break up with me? I have a theory.
As I mentioned before, all her previous boyfriends had cheated on her. They would just use her for sex until someone else came along, then she would get dumped. When we first met, she was expecting me to do the exact same thing. During those first few days, it became apparent that I wasn't going to have sex with her. She may have felt guilty for sleeping with so many other guys before me that she didn't feel right continuing the relationship. But she didn't want to break up with me, so she set about trying to do things that would make me break up with her. If I broke up with her, that would make me just like all her other boyfriends and she wouldn't feel guilty anymore.
Another issue was that she was still hung up on her ex-boyfriend Nid, who had moved to Albuquerque. I found out later that her trip to Albuquerque had been scheduled in advance before I met her. This meant she had planned to see him and meeting me kind of complicated things. (Yes, he had cheated on her, but he was a rich boy, so she was probably hoping that he would marry her and give her the kind of life she'd never had, even if it meant having to share him.)
I guess she concocted a plan to do something to get me to just leave her. The one thing she didn't count on was how I hadn't been romantically involved with anyone in almost eight years and that I wanted my next relationship to last awhile. I think that she had a discussion with her friends on how to get me to give up on her. One of them probably said, "I know! Tell him you were raped!" And then another said, "Even better! Tell him you were raped by a black guy. All white guys hate to have sex with girls who have been with black guys! He'll be running out the door!"
So she revealed the "dramatic shocker" and ran into the bedroom. One of her friends went in with her. During the next half-hour, her friend would open the door, look at me and close the door. I think she was saying, "Nope, he's still there." They probably spent that time planning her next move. That next move involved her coming out and telling me we couldn't see each other anymore. That led to the 10-minute conversation in which I talked her into staying in the relationship.
She must have realized she was stuck with me, so she started doing everything she could after that to get me to break up with her, including withholding affection. This would also include her telling me about how she was afraid I was going to hurt her that led to us breaking up for a half-hour. I guess she just got so used to trying things to get me to leave that making me miserable just became a habit. She just couldn't wrap her mind around the possibility that I was a good guy that she should stick with instead of getting me to kick myself to the curb. She was probably still holding out her hopes that she would marry Nid.
Sometimes, her attempts could be somewhat elaborate. One night, we went through the drive-thru at Taco Bell. She said she knew the woman working at the window and that she disliked her a lot. The next night, I got a phone call on the request line from this woman. She claimed to work at Taco Bell. I asked her if she worked the drive-thru the night before. She said she did, but she didn't remember me. We talked for a little longer, and it did get into the flirtatious zone. She asked me, "So when do I get to meet you?" I responded, "You don't." "Why?" "I have a girlfriend. I can't go around meeting women who call me on the phone." She hung up.
Less than a minute later, Marz called me on the request line and said, "WHO WERE YOU ON THE PHONE WITH ALL THIS TIME? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET THROUGH!" I told her that I was talking to that woman from Taco Bell and that she wanted to meet me, but I wouldn't do it. She was still angry at me. I then questioned why she was calling me on the request line when I specifically told her to call me on the business line. She never answered that question, but kept yelling at me.
It was later that I figured out that she had likely gotten her friend to call up and pretend to be the woman from Taco Bell in order to catch me trying to cheat on her, which would give her an excuse to end it. When I didn't take the bait, it just made her angry that she was going to have to come up with another plan to get rid of me.
That plan involved changing her taste in music. When we first met, she was really into R&B. But with the influence of her younger sister, she got into Heavy Metal. I guess I had mentioned at some point how much I disliked Heavy Metal, so she figured if she was into that, I wouldn't want to be with her. Nope, didn't work.
So when she told me she was sleeping with Mord, I just thought she was making up something else to get me to leave. When I saw his pickup outside her house, that was what worked. She claimed she was in love with him. But I still wanted her in my life. This relationship had messed me up more that I'd realized.
She called me after I had moved up to Denver. She told me Mord had gone out of town for a few weeks. She later heard that he came back to town, but that he was no longer living in the dorms at the base. That meant only one thing. She knew that she only had to look in one place to find him. She went to my old apartment and he was living there with his new wife. Apparently, he had been engaged the whole time he was sleeping with Marz. She told me his wife was ugly and had a big butt. She didn't tell me what went down when she showed up at the apartment, but I'll bet he was shocked to find out he was living where I used to live. (He did know about me, and even though Marz told him we weren't having sex, he probably didn't believe her. I guess it didn't matter because he knew he was engaged and he was just banging Marz to tide him over until the wedding.)
I saw Marz one last time after I'd moved to Denver. I came back through Clovis about six weeks after I'd left because I had three days off in a row at work. We hung out for a little bit, but it was nothing spectacular. We didn't talk about the situation with Mord.
Several months later, I called her and told her about my relationship with my new girlfriend. I told her how after six months, we were still affectionate, holding hands and kissing. Marz asked, "Hey! Did you call me just to torment me?" I hung up the phone and never spoke to her again.
I've already answered the question of why I didn't break up with her earlier, but I haven't explored why I didn't just stop seeing her altogether once I did. There were almost no other prospects out there. There were a couple, and I will write about them later, but I had nothing else going on. At that time, having the worst girlfriend in the world was better than having no girlfriend. I stopped feeling that way as I approached 40.
So, what happened to Marz? I found a MySpace page she had created around 2008. There were a few photographs of her and she looked terrible. One of the pictures featured a poster of Hannah Montana in the background, so that probably means she had a daughter at the time. According to the obituary for her mother, who died in 2008, she was not married. However in 2011, her older sister (the one whose apartment I met Marz at) passed away. That obituary listed that she had a spouse, but did not post his last name. I can only assume she's still in Clovis because I sure can't find her anywhere else.
I found out about her sister's passing fairly soon after it happened. I actually left a message on the guestbook. I wondered if anyone who remembered me noticed.
I don't expect to ever run into her again. I certainly get the impression that every guy she hooked up with after I left treated her exactly the same as the ones before she met me. I don't know if she ever appreciated what it was like to actually be loved. And I kind of don't care.
No comments:
Post a Comment