Bedmate #2: Riz, Part 1

(What's a Bedmate? Click here!)

I've mentioned Riz before. She was a co-worker of mine at News Monitoring Services. She was a tall, thin black woman about a year older than me. She always had a high spirit about her and she was fun to hang around with.

My Mom got to meet her one time when she was visiting and I had to go to work. They talked for a little bit. After we left, Mom said, "She's nice. Maybe you should try to marry her!" My jaw dropped. When Loyd and I were younger, Mom told us that if either one of us married a black woman, she would disown us. I reminded Mom of what she said way back then. She denied ever saying that, but Loyd and I both have clear memories of that statement. At this point (Loyd and I were both in our 30s), I guess Mom was so desperate for either one of us to get married and have children that the race of the potential wife no longer mattered.

(And I should add that Mom saying that when I was a teenager created a stigma for me. To this day, it is very difficult for me to meet a black woman for the first time and find her attractive. After knowing the woman for a time, I can start to see the beauty, but it almost never happens at first sight. And I guess I wasn't the only one who faced this issue from his parents growing up. My friend Led told me about going to his 10-year reunion and how the one black girl in the class was "smokin' hot." All the guys danced with her. She was forbidden fruit in high school, but her classmates grew up away from the influence of their parents and realized what they had missed out on.)

In 1996, Riz had a boyfriend I'll call Fud. He was a white guy around my age. The first time I met him, I was at work and needed a ride home because my car wasn't working. A few weeks later, I was walking in the vicinity of my workplace and I ran into Fud. He was sweeping up outside some business. He recognized me and said hi. It took me a little bit, but I recalled where I had met him.

Eventually, Riz started having problems with Fud and broke up with him. He turned into a stalker and she had to get a restraining order against him. The situation became so severe that she quit work and moved away. A few weeks later, we got a card at work from her that told us that she had changed her name.

Early in 1998, she decided to move back to San Diego and work for News Monitoring again. We were all happy to see her. To help get back on her feet, she was staying with Mr. N. She wound up not liking that very much because he had a pool and he liked to go swimming in the nude when she was around.

When I came to work and saw her the first time, she asked if I had room at my apartment and maybe she could stay with me instead. I agreed and we drove over to Mr. N's house. She grabbed her stuff and stayed with me a few weeks.

A couple of days after she had moved in, we went out to Ocean Beach where some of her friends were having a party. I remember one of the other women there was pregnant. I talked to her about my recent experience with caring for a baby. After the party, Riz and I came home and crashed in the bed in the living room. We were both fully clothed and nothing happened. This was the extent of her being a Bedmate. We never slept in the same bed again during her stay.

Shortly after this, I was going on vacation. I was going to fly to New Mexico for a week and I let her drive my car. She didn't really have any problems with it, but one day, she was filling up with gas. A couple of times, guys drove past her and were going "Woohoo!" and doing other cat calls. She wondered what was up. After she finished filling up, she noticed a sticker on the trunk that my last girlfriend had placed there. It said, "I like my women pierced!" She thought, "Argh! No wonder!"

(Abed commented later that the funny thing about that sticker was that it was the only one on my car. Lots of people put lots of stickers on their car, so they don't really mean anything. But since that was the only sticker on mine, people who saw it probably thoight that a woman having piercings was REALLY important to me. In addition, when I had to finally get rid of the car, Fraz told me she wanted it specifically because of that sticker.)

So Riz and I were never romantically involved, but something happened while she was staying with me that made me feel like I WAS in a relationship with her. I'll get to that tomorrow.