Jolz decided it was time for her to "face the beast." I was able to get her to come to a barbecue with my female friend Fraz. Abed and his girlfriend Qued also came to the barbecue. Jolz remained mostly quiet during the gathering, but Qued showed some interest in Fraz' affiliation with the local alternative lifestyle publications. She seemed to be having a good time. After we left, Jolz said she didn't see what was so special about Fraz that commanded so much of my attention. Fraz later complained that Abed and I had brought along our "19-year-old girlfriends."
Another night, I visited Jolz while she was babysitting at a neighbor's house. Her sister Asd was there, but she was asleep. The baby was also asleep. Jolz and I started making out and began getting very passionate about it. Since I hadn't anticipated that we were going to be doing anything at a neighbor's house, I didn't bring any condoms with me. Jolz said she didn't care whether I used a condom. But I cared. I cared so much that we didn't make love that night. And I didn't realize it at the time, but that would be our last opportunity to be intimate.
Afterward, Jolz and I started treading into familiar territory. I started getting fed up with her flaking out of doing things together. She was always doing this on things I wanted to do. I would go along with the stuff she wanted, but when we made plans of my preference, she would come up with some excuse for not going. It all felt so lopsided.
I did something rather cruel. I found an "I miss you" greeting card. It featured a sad-looking panda on the front saying, "The only real problem with us being apart is..." When you opened the card, it showed the panda in the upper left-hand corner saying "...I'm here..." and a female panda in the lower right hand corner with the male panda continuing, "...and you're here!" I had just read an article about the concept of "one up," which compared a relationship to a couple on a seesaw. The one on the up part had all the control while the one down was doing everything they could to level out the seesaw (and perhaps, get to be the one up). So I drew a seesaw on the card with the male panda being the one up and the female being the one down. I surrounded the male panda with positive words and the female with issues that needed to be sorted out (none of which had to do with her being overweight).
Early one Saturday morning, I left the card by the front door of her house. I knew I was going to be seeing her later that afternoon. I hoped it would spark a conversation. It did accomplish that. She really tore into me. I explained how hard she made it to want to be with her when she always canceled on the things I wanted to do. I felt like her issues were getting in the way of us having a really good relationship and reminded her that she was the one who wanted to get back together with me.
Jolz said we would still be together, but I knew we were close to the end. I know that about a week after that, we got into a big fight. It had nothing to do with the card, but everything to do with the issues I had brought up. I remember storming out of the house and trying to see how long we could go without talking to each other again.
And the exact same thing happened. I opened up the Penny Saver and saw a recognizably-worded ad in the personals. I called it up. Sure enough, it was Jolz. This time I left a message and said that I guess it was over.
A few days later, she called up and confirmed that it was indeed over. After a little discussion, we did the usual agreement to be friends. And we actually did that for a little bit.
More on that tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment