Before I continue the story of Chez and me, I have to do a little commentary. The way I see it, there are seven levels of sexual discreetness. (Yes, I know the word is "discretion," but that just means something entirely different from what I'm going to do with it right here.)
Level 1: You never admit to anyone that you've had sex before, even your current partner.
Level 2: You admit to having sex, but refrain from saying with whom.
Level 3: You give the names of your past sexual partners.
Level 4: You talk about how frequently you had sex with your former partners and/or positions you assumed.
Level 5: You ambiguously describe someone as having a large penis.
Level 6: You go into detail about the size of someone's penis using some form of measurement.
Level 7: You have photos or videos of you having sex with someone and you show them to third parties.
As far as where people I've written about before would rate on this list, Knod would be at Level 1, Rid would be at Level 3, Kiz would be at Level 4, Marz would be at level 5 and Chez, (unfortunately) would be at Level 6.
(A side note: Random strangers would be at Level 2 and I don't know anyone at Level 7. This means that personally, Chez has the lowest amount of sexual discreetness of just about everyone I've ever met. I have met someone else at that level, but I haven't written about her yet.)
Chez went on and on about how good a lover JD was. And while she didn't describe his size in standard units, she did use a reference point that left little to the imagination. She talked about her experiences almost non-stop for a couple of days. I tried hard not to show it, but I was getting irritated. I mean, she was telling me about her performing all these sex acts, but wouldn't really even let me touch her.
One day, we had to go to the welfare office to jump through one of the hoops to get her closer to getting some money from the government. This time, we went to the office that we parked at the first time we went there. It was supposed to be some sort of 30-minute presentation related to the benefits. We waited outside with some other women. When they opened the door, they announced that only the applicants would be allowed inside. This meant that I could not come in. This also meant that the women could not bring their children in. There was a lot of yelling and screaming because no one told all of them that ahead of time. I told Chez I would take Joad for a walk while she was inside. We just walked up and down El Cajon Blvd. for the half hour.
Chez came out and said the presentation wasn't a big deal and didn't know why they wouldn't let the kids inside. (A few years later, I had reason to go to the welfare office again. Not only did they let kids inside, but I was also permitted in, even though I wasn't applying for benefits.) Chez also said that one of the women told her that she was so lucky to have me.
Later that night, we went to a movie. We went to see "Passion Fish" at Landmark's Cove Theatre in La Jolla. (I could write a whole post about taking Joad to the movies, but you already know what's going to happen.) Joad was about 50/50 on movies. He would behave just fine at one, but get out of control at another. This was one of those he got out of control. Chez took him outside. Usually, she would bring him back in after he settled down, but she just stayed out in the car and fell asleep waiting for me to come out. We drove home. Joad remained asleep the whole way and kept sleeping even after we brought him into the how and laid him down on the sofa.
Chez turned on the TV and laid down on the floor. I started feeling positive vibes from her and asked if I could lay on the floor next to her. She nodded her head. I spooned up behind her and put my arm around her. She didn't try to push my arm away.
She said, "I want to ask you something..." "Go ahead." "Do you think you're ever going to make love with me? I mean, where we don't have to get married first?"
I told her that I had anticipated that I was likely going to give up my virginity to her at some point after she had moved in. I loved her and I needed to show her how much. I just didn't know when that was going to happen.
"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been talking an awful lot about sex lately. The truth is that I've been feeling kind of horny." That answered my lingering questions about why she kept throwing JD in my face.
I indicated that we might be making love that night and started kissing her. She kissed back. I hadn't gotten to have this much contact with her since we got to San Diego more than a month ago. I actually felt that things were starting to turn around for us emotionally. We continued making out.
The whole time this was going on, I knew in my head that I probably was not going to go all the way with her that night. I was enjoying it way too much because we hadn't done that for more than a month. However, if we had made out more frequently prior to that night, I would have been willing to sacrifice my vow of celibacy to become intimate for her right then and there.
But I was also aware that if she were to touch me in certain places on my body, I would have been very willing to give in. But I guess every time she had sex in the past, she was used to having the guy whip it out and stick it in. She was probably never that active a participant and didn't know how to get someone in the proper mood to desire her that way.
After two hours of making out, I guess it was apparent to her that I wasn't going to whip it out and stick it in. She said, "I'm tired. I need to go to bed." She picked up Joad and brought him to the bed to sleep between us again.
The next day, she acted like nothing special had happened the night before. A long time afterward, I figured out what had happened. When that woman at the welfare office told her she was lucky to have me, she was able to see what a wonderful person I was through someone else's eyes. It filled her with desire for me. When she was in the battered women's shelter, the other victims told her she was fortunately to have someone like me take in her and her son. This also filled her up with desire, to the point that she wanted to make love when we were at the Motel 6 in Arizona. But that feeling of desire didn't last a very long time in her. She would have needed frequent validation that I was the right guy for her, and she was not able to get that from anyone else on a regular basis because she almost never left the house.
We never would get that close again the rest of the time we lived together. This would have been the last good moment we would share for the remainder of our relationship.
But I continued to hold out hope. More on that tomorrow.
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