I kind of felt like Jolz and I were coasting in our relationship. We still had good times when we were together, but I was getting fed up at her canceling plans we had made, especially those times I wanted to see live local music.
And I have to admit some fault on my part in this department. Jolz didn't like that I had a platonic female friend. From Jolz' perspective, every time Fraz called when we were hanging out at her house, I would leave and do whatever she wanted. (But I should add that when Abed needed something and I was with Jolz, I would also leave to help him.)
Things came to a boil when I was at Jolz' house and we were watching "Curse of the Blair Witch" on the SciFi Channel. Even though Jolz didn't care too much for scary movies, she wanted to see "The Blair Witch Project" in the theatre. I thought it would be cool to have her latch on to me during the scary parts.
While we were watching the show, it became apparent that she actually thought the Blair Witch was real and the film was a documentary with found footage of the victims. This is when THE ARGUMENT took place.
I told her, no, it's all fiction, it's not real. But she kept insisting it was. At first, I thought she was just joking around, but she kept it up. For every piece of evidence that I could think of that I had read about the film, she would counter it with some silly explanation. "Okay! The woman in the film who supposedly dies in the end is going to be at the San Diego Comic-Con in two weeks. How do you explain that?" "That's her sister!"
We didn't have instant access to the Internet back then, but I'm pretty certain that even if we had iPhones and Wikipedia, she still would have kept believing. I finally gave up and left the house in a huff. The thing that got me the most was that I was telling her the truth and she just would not believe me. How was this going to play out in the future? What if her brother lied and told her he saw me making out with some other woman at the Family Fun Center? Would she refuse to believe me then? This was definitely not the type of relationship I wanted to be in.
I wondered if it was possible for us to break up through sheer osmosis. I decided to try a little experiment. I would not call her. I would never call her again. And if she never called me again, that meant it was over and we could just consider THE ARGUMENT the break up conversation. That sounded good to me.
A few days later, I still hadn't heard from her. I thought I would take a chance on the personal ads to see if there was someone desperate enough to date me. I looked through the Penny Saver and found a suitable ad. When I called the voice mail, the ad belonged to Jolz. WHAT?
I had to think about this for a minute. I didn't know when the deadline was for putting in personal ads forthe next publication, but it appeared that she had done this before THE ARGUMENT! I don't know what she was planning to do with a new boyfriend since she said she couldn't have sex for six months. This made me wonder if she wasn't looking for something to argue about in order for us to break up and the Blair Witch provided the perfect opportunity. DAMN YOU, BLAIR WITCH!
One week after THE ARGUMENT, my phone rang. It was Jolz. We started out pleasantly enough. We started working toward the big question of whether we wanted to stay together. I mentioned that I had found the Penny Saver ad. Her explanation was that she was showing a friend of hers how to put one in. "So did she put in an ad?" "No." "Well, why didn't you just remove your ad?" "Once you put in an ad, you can't take it out." I knew that wasn't true. I had put in enough ads in other publications to know how they worked.
I then had to ask the really big question: "Do you believe the Blair Witch is real?" All she had to say was no and I would have stayed with her. "I think the Blair Witch is real, yes." "Well, I can't deal with that, so this is over. I'm sorry. Goodbye."
And I thought that was it. It wasn't, but there will be a few posts on other topics before I get back to that.
Stay tuned.
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