The relationship between me and Kelz had become somewhat tolerable. We still enjoyed each other's company and we continued to go out with Sasd and find things to do around town. We also enjoyed doing things at home and helping take care of Sasd.
But she would get angry anytime she got the idea in her head that I was sleeping around on her. Her accusations were not limited to Thoz. She also accused me of sleeping with my co-worker Riz and any number of women from the San Diego music scene. About the only woman she never accused me of having an affair with was Zid. "She's too classy to sleep with you." In addition, she told me that the 13-year-old girl who lived in the house in front kept coming around and asking about me. I doubted this was happening.
One time, her accusations were so intense and so loud that I threw my hands up in the air, walked out the door and drove off. I needed to cool down. I came back about an hour later to find that she had thrown a lot of my stuff into the parking spaces behind the cottage. She had pulled out books, magazines and other items and threw them on the ground. She also grabbed a bunch of photographs, tore them up and threw them all over the place. There were all sorts of personal possessions of mine that were strewn around the area.
(Among the items was my copy of a compilation of female comic book artists I had purchased at the 1997 Comic-Con. I had met one of the artists there and got her to sign it. She also sketched an ambi-sexual mudworm from the book on the title page. Kelz found some rather graphic material by the other artists offensive and thought I was into reading comics about rape. This was one of the items that she completely tore up. However, she left the title page with the autograph and the sketch intact. I still have it somewhere.)
I had no choice. I grabbed a trash can, a broom and a dustpan and started cleaning everything up. I had to throw a lot of it away because there was just no salvaging it. It took me about an hour to clear everything off the concrete. While I was doing this, a couple across the alley came up to me and were carrying my keyboard. "Uh, we think this is yours. Someone left it at our back door." I told them, yes, it was mine and thanked them. I examined the keyboard. She had smashed one side on the ground and broke about four keys off the end. However, I plugged it in and found that it still functioned properly.
I didn't say anything to Kelz. I didn't want her to think that any of that stuff really mattered to me. I didn't want her to know that she had hurt me. I didn't want to give her that satisfaction. I put all the stuff I could keep back where it was and we went about our usual business.
One time, she got mad and threw a box of Nesquik at me. It didn't hit me, but it fell on the floor and burst open. Before we could do anything, Sasd started crying and Kelz went into the living room to check on her. While she was doing that, I noticed that some of the Nesquik had landed close to cassette deck on her portable stereo. So I grabbed some of the powder and dropped it in the deck. It looked like it landed in there after she threw the box. She never said anything about her stereo getting wrecked.
(And I should add that this was also revenge for something else she did. She had a tendency to record songs she liked off the radio. Usually, she would grab a blank cassette tape to record with because I had several laying around. However, I once found out that she had recorded over the tape that contained my master tracks for my cassette release. I HAD IT CLEARLY MARKED AND SHE STILL RECORDED OVER THEM! I never forgave her for that. She never thought she did anything wrong.)
A couple of days before the end of their stay, we got into another fight. After she went into the living room to feed Sasd, I decided I could expedite the situation. I took the TV, VCR and phone out of the bedroom (along with some of my other valuables) and put them out in the car. By the time she got up and saw what I was doing, I was getting my last load out the back door and into the car. I drove off and took everything to work to store there.
When I got home, she had thrown all my clothes outside. (Fortunately, she didn't try to trash my keyboard again.) I was glad I didn't have so much to clean up this time.
However, she did talk me into bringing the telephone back. I agreed with her that if something happened to Sasd, she would need to call 911. I did not include the electrical adapter which allowed the phone to ring. This meant she could call out, but wouldn't know if someone was calling us unless she looked at the Caller ID.
So, she got very ticked off that she didn't have any entertainment (especially since I'd wrecked her stereo). When I was home and trying to take a nap, she would bang on the wall for entertainment. I knew the end was coming, but I didn't know how long she was going to be able to hold out before she exploded.
I didn't have to wait long.
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Monday, October 16, 2017
Friend Zone #11: Fraz
While reading this article, ask yourself this question: Have you ever made a friend through sheer osmosis?
Let me explain how osmosis should work in the friend world. In my life, I have always met my friends through the following resources: School, Work, Family, Other Friends and Personal Ads. In other words, there had to be some form of mediation that put me in a position to meet someone and work toward a friendship from there.
Before I get into the meat of this article, I also have to set up a few characters in the San Diego music scene. This was one of the reasons I stalled the re-ignition of the blog about a year ago. I couldn't figure out how to reconcile the influence of those in the scene without using their real names. Well, now I have figured it out. I'm going to use rather specific nicknames to describe them (that don't fall into the "d" or "z" mold).
One Friday night, after my separation from Kelz, I went to Java Joe's in Ocean Beach. They were having a showcase organized by a woman I'll call "Promoter" that was going to feature a number of local female singer-songwriters. I arrived about 15 minutes early and got in line to get something to drink. Fairly soon, a woman I'll call "Jazzer" came behind me in line. Jazzer had met Kelz on two previous occasions. Once was at the Wikiup Cafe when a man I'll call "Soulster" had put together a songwriter circle event that included Abed and her. The second time was fairly soon after Sasd was born when Abed opened for Soulster at Java's Joe's. When I was in line to get some hot water to heat up the formula, Jazzer was behind me and noticed that someone had brought an infant. I told her she had met Kelz before, so she was welcome to go up and see the baby. After Jazzer talked to her for a little bit, Kelz asked "WHO WAS THAT?" I had to explain she had met Jazzer before.
So this particular night, Jazzer asked me what happened to Kelz and Sasd. I gave her an abbreviated version of the story (that I've been writing about the last month) and told her I had to move out of the apartment, but they were doing okay. Somehow the conversation turned to the fact that I had come out with a CD release the year before. Jazzer was interested in hearing it. She said she was going to be playing at Claire de Lune the next night and I could drop it off. I warned her that Kelz and Sasd were likely going to be with me because we had actually made plans to do something that night.
I found an empty table in the back and sat down with my drink to wait for the show to begin. While I was waiting, this woman came up and asked if she could sit at the table. She had medium-length, dark, frizzy hair. She had on a white t-shirt and blue jean shorts. She was also carrying flowers. Every once in awhile, she'd ask me a question about the show and I'd answer her. We started conversing. Her name was Fraz.
While we were talking, Jazzer stopped by our table and I introduced her to Fraz. Later, Promoter and her singer-songwriter partner "Promotee" stopped by the table and I introduced them to Fraz as well. Another singer-songwriter, "Appalachian" stopped by and I introduced them, but it turned out they had already met.
Fraz and I continued our conversation between sets after each artist (including everyone I introduced) performed. We appeared to have a lot in common. She was about a year younger than me and we were both very interested in the San Diego music scene. She had actually written a few articles for local publications and happened to be working on one about Appalachian.
After Appalachian had performed her set, Fraz went toward the stage and gave her the flowers she had been holding. I thought this was kind of odd. Since I was just in the beginning phase of getting Kelz out of my life, I didn't try to get Fraz' phone number or anything. After the show was over, we went our separate ways.
(The next night, Kelz, Sasd and I went to Claire de Lune to give Jazzer the CD. She wasn't onstage at the time. Kelz was throwing a fit the whole time because she thought this was another woman I was having sex with. I just wanted to give Jazzer the CD and leave, but she said, "Oh, no. I want you to sign it for me." This was aggravating and I know Kelz was giving her dirty looks the whole time. I quickly signed it. It didn't take long because I only used my first name then. Four whole letters! We left and Kelz never saw Jazzer again.)
A couple of months later, after Kelz and Sasd had moved in with me at the cottage, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to volunteer for an "Art without Borders" event that was taking place that night in Downtown San Diego. I had been aware of the event and wanted to go, but didn't have the money. I told her I would be happy to, even though it meant I was going to have to leave Kelz and Sasd at home alone. (I did ask Kelz to go, but she didn't want to.) After helping set up some stuff, my friend asked me and another friend, Zoz, to stand behind the main seating to keep people from walking off this raised area where they could accidentally fall on the sidewalk. No one came near that, so we got to watch the entire performance for free without actually doing any work.
At one point, Zoz was talking to someone behind us. It turned out to be Fraz and a guy I would later know as Lawd. After she and Zoz finished their conversation. I called her by her name. She remembered me from Java Joe's. After the performance was over, we hung out in the area where a reception was taking place. At some point, I mentioned something about Kelz. Fraz was shocked! "What? You've been flirting with me this whole time and you have a girlfriend?" But she wasn't really mad about it, and it was probably because she had a little alcohol in her. We continued talking until I decided I needed to get back home to Kelz and Sasd. Again, because of my tenuous situation, I did not ask for her phone number.
A month later, after Kelz and Sasd had gone back to Iowa, Abed invited me to take part in Starve Theatre. It was a sort of open mic for poetry and music at El Campo Ruse in the Downtown area. This would be the night I would meet Leaz and Tez. After we arrived, Fraz came in with an acoustic guitar. We noticed each other right away. We talked a bit and I knew I wasn't going to let her get away without getting her phone number this time. She had these special cards printed up that featured a drawing of her face. She used these for her writing jobs.
If you saw the title of this piece, you know where this is headed: Straight to the Friend Zone. She told me that while she considered herself bi-sexual, her preference was more strongly inclined toward women. She admitted to having a little interest in me when she first saw me at Java Joe's because she couldn't tell if I was male or female with the long hair. She also revealed that the reason she gave Appalachian the flowers that night was because she got a strong sexual vibe from her during the interview she conducted. That didn't pan out. However, she was impressed that I seemed to know so many people in the local music scene and didn't forget about me.
Fraz will be making numerous appearances throughout this blog. I included her at this juncture to have a little something positive to share ahead of the dark path I'm about to go down. It also sets up the aftermath of a major incident I will go into detail about in an upcoming post.
Stay tuned for that.
Let me explain how osmosis should work in the friend world. In my life, I have always met my friends through the following resources: School, Work, Family, Other Friends and Personal Ads. In other words, there had to be some form of mediation that put me in a position to meet someone and work toward a friendship from there.
Before I get into the meat of this article, I also have to set up a few characters in the San Diego music scene. This was one of the reasons I stalled the re-ignition of the blog about a year ago. I couldn't figure out how to reconcile the influence of those in the scene without using their real names. Well, now I have figured it out. I'm going to use rather specific nicknames to describe them (that don't fall into the "d" or "z" mold).
One Friday night, after my separation from Kelz, I went to Java Joe's in Ocean Beach. They were having a showcase organized by a woman I'll call "Promoter" that was going to feature a number of local female singer-songwriters. I arrived about 15 minutes early and got in line to get something to drink. Fairly soon, a woman I'll call "Jazzer" came behind me in line. Jazzer had met Kelz on two previous occasions. Once was at the Wikiup Cafe when a man I'll call "Soulster" had put together a songwriter circle event that included Abed and her. The second time was fairly soon after Sasd was born when Abed opened for Soulster at Java's Joe's. When I was in line to get some hot water to heat up the formula, Jazzer was behind me and noticed that someone had brought an infant. I told her she had met Kelz before, so she was welcome to go up and see the baby. After Jazzer talked to her for a little bit, Kelz asked "WHO WAS THAT?" I had to explain she had met Jazzer before.
So this particular night, Jazzer asked me what happened to Kelz and Sasd. I gave her an abbreviated version of the story (that I've been writing about the last month) and told her I had to move out of the apartment, but they were doing okay. Somehow the conversation turned to the fact that I had come out with a CD release the year before. Jazzer was interested in hearing it. She said she was going to be playing at Claire de Lune the next night and I could drop it off. I warned her that Kelz and Sasd were likely going to be with me because we had actually made plans to do something that night.
I found an empty table in the back and sat down with my drink to wait for the show to begin. While I was waiting, this woman came up and asked if she could sit at the table. She had medium-length, dark, frizzy hair. She had on a white t-shirt and blue jean shorts. She was also carrying flowers. Every once in awhile, she'd ask me a question about the show and I'd answer her. We started conversing. Her name was Fraz.
While we were talking, Jazzer stopped by our table and I introduced her to Fraz. Later, Promoter and her singer-songwriter partner "Promotee" stopped by the table and I introduced them to Fraz as well. Another singer-songwriter, "Appalachian" stopped by and I introduced them, but it turned out they had already met.
Fraz and I continued our conversation between sets after each artist (including everyone I introduced) performed. We appeared to have a lot in common. She was about a year younger than me and we were both very interested in the San Diego music scene. She had actually written a few articles for local publications and happened to be working on one about Appalachian.
After Appalachian had performed her set, Fraz went toward the stage and gave her the flowers she had been holding. I thought this was kind of odd. Since I was just in the beginning phase of getting Kelz out of my life, I didn't try to get Fraz' phone number or anything. After the show was over, we went our separate ways.
(The next night, Kelz, Sasd and I went to Claire de Lune to give Jazzer the CD. She wasn't onstage at the time. Kelz was throwing a fit the whole time because she thought this was another woman I was having sex with. I just wanted to give Jazzer the CD and leave, but she said, "Oh, no. I want you to sign it for me." This was aggravating and I know Kelz was giving her dirty looks the whole time. I quickly signed it. It didn't take long because I only used my first name then. Four whole letters! We left and Kelz never saw Jazzer again.)
A couple of months later, after Kelz and Sasd had moved in with me at the cottage, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to volunteer for an "Art without Borders" event that was taking place that night in Downtown San Diego. I had been aware of the event and wanted to go, but didn't have the money. I told her I would be happy to, even though it meant I was going to have to leave Kelz and Sasd at home alone. (I did ask Kelz to go, but she didn't want to.) After helping set up some stuff, my friend asked me and another friend, Zoz, to stand behind the main seating to keep people from walking off this raised area where they could accidentally fall on the sidewalk. No one came near that, so we got to watch the entire performance for free without actually doing any work.
At one point, Zoz was talking to someone behind us. It turned out to be Fraz and a guy I would later know as Lawd. After she and Zoz finished their conversation. I called her by her name. She remembered me from Java Joe's. After the performance was over, we hung out in the area where a reception was taking place. At some point, I mentioned something about Kelz. Fraz was shocked! "What? You've been flirting with me this whole time and you have a girlfriend?" But she wasn't really mad about it, and it was probably because she had a little alcohol in her. We continued talking until I decided I needed to get back home to Kelz and Sasd. Again, because of my tenuous situation, I did not ask for her phone number.
A month later, after Kelz and Sasd had gone back to Iowa, Abed invited me to take part in Starve Theatre. It was a sort of open mic for poetry and music at El Campo Ruse in the Downtown area. This would be the night I would meet Leaz and Tez. After we arrived, Fraz came in with an acoustic guitar. We noticed each other right away. We talked a bit and I knew I wasn't going to let her get away without getting her phone number this time. She had these special cards printed up that featured a drawing of her face. She used these for her writing jobs.
If you saw the title of this piece, you know where this is headed: Straight to the Friend Zone. She told me that while she considered herself bi-sexual, her preference was more strongly inclined toward women. She admitted to having a little interest in me when she first saw me at Java Joe's because she couldn't tell if I was male or female with the long hair. She also revealed that the reason she gave Appalachian the flowers that night was because she got a strong sexual vibe from her during the interview she conducted. That didn't pan out. However, she was impressed that I seemed to know so many people in the local music scene and didn't forget about me.
Fraz will be making numerous appearances throughout this blog. I included her at this juncture to have a little something positive to share ahead of the dark path I'm about to go down. It also sets up the aftermath of a major incident I will go into detail about in an upcoming post.
Stay tuned for that.
Friday, October 13, 2017
When Cowboy Met Charlie
Once upon a time, Ms. Ogolon and I had one cat. His name was Cowboy. This was years before she gave birth to Boyd. Anyway, a couple of years after Cowboy came into our home, we decided to get another cat to keep him company. Her name was Charlie.
When we first brought Charlie home from the pet adoption clinic, we had to keep her in a room separate from Cowboy for a few days to ensure that she didn't bring in any cat diseases that could be spread. Cowboy was aware there was a female cat behind that closed door:
After a couple of days, we opened the door and put a barrier in place to keep them separated. But Cowboy could see Charlie.
After that, they started interacting a little more on opposite sides of the barrier. (Please forgive the shakiness at the beginning of this video. I was trying to zoom in because I didn't want to scare Charlie.)
We still have both cats. We've had Cowboy for nine years and Charlie for six.
When we first brought Charlie home from the pet adoption clinic, we had to keep her in a room separate from Cowboy for a few days to ensure that she didn't bring in any cat diseases that could be spread. Cowboy was aware there was a female cat behind that closed door:
After a couple of days, we opened the door and put a barrier in place to keep them separated. But Cowboy could see Charlie.
After that, they started interacting a little more on opposite sides of the barrier. (Please forgive the shakiness at the beginning of this video. I was trying to zoom in because I didn't want to scare Charlie.)
We still have both cats. We've had Cowboy for nine years and Charlie for six.
Thursday, October 12, 2017
An unplanned socialization
After Kelz and Sasd had been living with me for a few days, I got a call from Perd. Since I last saw him, he went back to New Mexico, got married to this woman he was dating and moved her back to San Diego. She was 19 years old. I'll call her Bird.
Perd and Bird wanted to go to the Adams Ave. Street Fair, which was taking place that weekend. As I mentioned before, it was about a half-block away from my house. We didn't have to arrange for any special parking. They could just park behind my house.
Perd and Bird lived in Ocean Beach. He didn't have a job, but was still playing with his band. Bird was the one who was working.
They came over and we walked over to Adams Ave. Kelz and Bird seemed to get along pretty well since they were close to each other's ages. We mostly walked around, stopped here and there to look at stuff and check out live music. At one point, Perd spotted a couple of bandmates in the beer garden. He and I went in. However, Kelz, Sasd and Bird weren't allowed in because they were under 21. While Perd was talking to his friends, Kelz and Bird kept GLARING at us through the chain-link fence.
Perd and Bird decided to go home. Kelz, Sasd and I walked around some more. At some point, we got separated. I ran back and forth along the festival, but couldn't find them. I decided to go back to the house and wait for them. When I got there, I found that Kelz had already been there. She had broken the window on the back door in order to let herself in. (I did not give her a key. I didn't trust her THAT much.) But when I went inside, Kelz and Sasd weren't there! I'd already searched all over the festival for them and I didn't want to do that again. AND I didn't want to leave the cottage so vulnerable. I put up a piece of cardboard in the window to hopefully prevent anyone else from trying to break in.
When Kelz and Sasd finally returned about an hour later. "Why did you leave without telling me where you were going?" "Bird and I were mad at you and Perd for stranding us outside the beer garden." "We didn't go in there to drink and we weren't in there very long." "THAT DOESN'T MATTER! You should have been out there with us!"
"And then, why did you break the window on the back door?" "I didn't have a key!" "I KNOW THAT! I mean, why didn't you tell me you needed to come back home? I would have let you in!" "I didn't want to have anything to do with you after that. YOU MAKE ME SICK!"
There was nothing left to fight about. But things calmed down later before we went to bed.
I never did get that window fixed. I just had to hope nobody would ever notice or try to break in. I was wrong. Many weeks later (after Kelz and Sasd had left), I came home and found that the lock on the door was turned slightly askew. I then found that the door was unlocked. I went inside. All my stuff was still there: the TV, the keyboard, the furniture. But after a few minutes, I found that something was missing. I had half a roll of quarters on the shelf that was no longer there. At first, I thought someone had moved up the piece of cardboard, reached inside and opened the door. However, I recalled how the lock was askew. Someone used a hairpin or something to break in.
This was bewildering! Couldn't the person who broke in see that there was a piece of cardboard in the window that could have easily been moved out of the way? (Maybe they were afraid they were going to cut themselves.) Whoever it was put in a lot more effort than was needed. And they only got five dollars. I was thankful that was all they took and never saw a need to return.
After I moved out of the apartment, I got the statement with my deposit refund. It cost $25 to fix the window. If I'd known it was going to cost that little, I could have just gotten it done myself.
Perd and Bird wanted to go to the Adams Ave. Street Fair, which was taking place that weekend. As I mentioned before, it was about a half-block away from my house. We didn't have to arrange for any special parking. They could just park behind my house.
Perd and Bird lived in Ocean Beach. He didn't have a job, but was still playing with his band. Bird was the one who was working.
They came over and we walked over to Adams Ave. Kelz and Bird seemed to get along pretty well since they were close to each other's ages. We mostly walked around, stopped here and there to look at stuff and check out live music. At one point, Perd spotted a couple of bandmates in the beer garden. He and I went in. However, Kelz, Sasd and Bird weren't allowed in because they were under 21. While Perd was talking to his friends, Kelz and Bird kept GLARING at us through the chain-link fence.
Perd and Bird decided to go home. Kelz, Sasd and I walked around some more. At some point, we got separated. I ran back and forth along the festival, but couldn't find them. I decided to go back to the house and wait for them. When I got there, I found that Kelz had already been there. She had broken the window on the back door in order to let herself in. (I did not give her a key. I didn't trust her THAT much.) But when I went inside, Kelz and Sasd weren't there! I'd already searched all over the festival for them and I didn't want to do that again. AND I didn't want to leave the cottage so vulnerable. I put up a piece of cardboard in the window to hopefully prevent anyone else from trying to break in.
When Kelz and Sasd finally returned about an hour later. "Why did you leave without telling me where you were going?" "Bird and I were mad at you and Perd for stranding us outside the beer garden." "We didn't go in there to drink and we weren't in there very long." "THAT DOESN'T MATTER! You should have been out there with us!"
"And then, why did you break the window on the back door?" "I didn't have a key!" "I KNOW THAT! I mean, why didn't you tell me you needed to come back home? I would have let you in!" "I didn't want to have anything to do with you after that. YOU MAKE ME SICK!"
There was nothing left to fight about. But things calmed down later before we went to bed.
I never did get that window fixed. I just had to hope nobody would ever notice or try to break in. I was wrong. Many weeks later (after Kelz and Sasd had left), I came home and found that the lock on the door was turned slightly askew. I then found that the door was unlocked. I went inside. All my stuff was still there: the TV, the keyboard, the furniture. But after a few minutes, I found that something was missing. I had half a roll of quarters on the shelf that was no longer there. At first, I thought someone had moved up the piece of cardboard, reached inside and opened the door. However, I recalled how the lock was askew. Someone used a hairpin or something to break in.
This was bewildering! Couldn't the person who broke in see that there was a piece of cardboard in the window that could have easily been moved out of the way? (Maybe they were afraid they were going to cut themselves.) Whoever it was put in a lot more effort than was needed. And they only got five dollars. I was thankful that was all they took and never saw a need to return.
After I moved out of the apartment, I got the statement with my deposit refund. It cost $25 to fix the window. If I'd known it was going to cost that little, I could have just gotten it done myself.
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
Loving the Last Phase
When Kelz and Sasd moved back in with me, I thought we were going to have a platonic arrangement and would sleep on separate beds. Since she said she couldn't have sex for six weeks following the abortion (and this still fell within that period), I had no expectations of us being intimate. In addition, the last couple of times I'd seen them at Mr. & Mrs. B's, we'd get into an argument and I'd leave in a huff.
Before we went to bed the first night, we got into another argument. I got fed up, went to the bedroom and laid down. I figured she'd just go to bed in the living room. After a few minutes, she climbed into bed and had her back toward me. I tried to fall asleep. A few minutes later, with her back still turned to me, she said, "I want you to f*** me." "Uh, what?" She sat up and turned toward me. "I said, 'I want you to f*** me.'" "We can't do that. Remember what the doctor said?" "I don't care what the doctor said! I want you to f*** me!" "We not supposed to!" "IT'S MY BODY AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT! I WANT YOU TO F*** ME!" "I'm not going to do that!" "YOU WENT OUT AND YOU F***ED THOZ! WHY WON'T YOU F*** ME?" "I didn't have sex with Thoz!" "I DON'T CARE IF YOU DID OR DIDN'T! I WANT YOU TO F*** ME!"
Even though this was late at night, I'm pretty certain the neighbors could hear us. I don't remember how this happened, but she finally stopped screaming and we fell asleep on the same bed. I woke up the next day and went to work. I came home, helped take care of Sasd and we started to get ready for bed. Again, we got into an argument. Again, I went to the bedroom and laid down. She came in a little later and asked, "So, are we going to f*** tonight?" Not wanting a repeat of the screamfest from the night before, I gave in. "Yeah, let's do it."
And this became the pattern for the next three weeks. Regardless of whether we had a good day or a bad day, we got into bed together every night. I would give Kelz a good night kiss. The kissing would then turn passionate and the next thing I knew, we would be making love.
The purpose of this article is to help you understand what's taking place after all the crazy stuff I'm going to go into detail about in the next few posts. Know that after every mess that got created, we would find ourselves becoming intimate before we fell asleep. Every day was a rollercoaster and I never asked her why, after all she was claiming I was putting her through, she still wanted to share that closeness with me.
After it was all over, I think that what she was trying to accomplish was to avoid going back to Iowa. She probably determined that all she needed to do was have sex with me every night and I wouldn't want her to leave. But that was all she thought she had to do. So to her, it didn't matter how she treated me the rest of the day, as long as we were intimate at the end of it, I wouldn't want her and Sasd to leave.
But she still thought I was sleeping around. "I don't care if you are f***ing Thoz, as long as you come home and give me some." That didn't make it any easier.
This is a period in my life that I'm not proud of. While it was going on, I didn't feel like I was trying hard to uphold my end of the relationship, but I still appeared to be reaping the rewards.
Before we went to bed the first night, we got into another argument. I got fed up, went to the bedroom and laid down. I figured she'd just go to bed in the living room. After a few minutes, she climbed into bed and had her back toward me. I tried to fall asleep. A few minutes later, with her back still turned to me, she said, "I want you to f*** me." "Uh, what?" She sat up and turned toward me. "I said, 'I want you to f*** me.'" "We can't do that. Remember what the doctor said?" "I don't care what the doctor said! I want you to f*** me!" "We not supposed to!" "IT'S MY BODY AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT! I WANT YOU TO F*** ME!" "I'm not going to do that!" "YOU WENT OUT AND YOU F***ED THOZ! WHY WON'T YOU F*** ME?" "I didn't have sex with Thoz!" "I DON'T CARE IF YOU DID OR DIDN'T! I WANT YOU TO F*** ME!"
Even though this was late at night, I'm pretty certain the neighbors could hear us. I don't remember how this happened, but she finally stopped screaming and we fell asleep on the same bed. I woke up the next day and went to work. I came home, helped take care of Sasd and we started to get ready for bed. Again, we got into an argument. Again, I went to the bedroom and laid down. She came in a little later and asked, "So, are we going to f*** tonight?" Not wanting a repeat of the screamfest from the night before, I gave in. "Yeah, let's do it."
And this became the pattern for the next three weeks. Regardless of whether we had a good day or a bad day, we got into bed together every night. I would give Kelz a good night kiss. The kissing would then turn passionate and the next thing I knew, we would be making love.
The purpose of this article is to help you understand what's taking place after all the crazy stuff I'm going to go into detail about in the next few posts. Know that after every mess that got created, we would find ourselves becoming intimate before we fell asleep. Every day was a rollercoaster and I never asked her why, after all she was claiming I was putting her through, she still wanted to share that closeness with me.
After it was all over, I think that what she was trying to accomplish was to avoid going back to Iowa. She probably determined that all she needed to do was have sex with me every night and I wouldn't want her to leave. But that was all she thought she had to do. So to her, it didn't matter how she treated me the rest of the day, as long as we were intimate at the end of it, I wouldn't want her and Sasd to leave.
But she still thought I was sleeping around. "I don't care if you are f***ing Thoz, as long as you come home and give me some." That didn't make it any easier.
This is a period in my life that I'm not proud of. While it was going on, I didn't feel like I was trying hard to uphold my end of the relationship, but I still appeared to be reaping the rewards.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Right back where we started
So, Kelz and Sasd were starting to overstay their welcome at Mr. & Mrs. B's. I don't know what was going on during those times I wasn't around, but I'm pretty certain drama found its way into their house on a regular basis. And it probably brought a few buddies along. I guess I'm glad I was never aware of everything that went on.
Apparently, a decision was made that Kelz and Sasd needed to go back to Iowa to move back in with her grandmother. A plane ticket was purchased and plans were made. They were supposed to leave on a specific day at a specific time and there was no turning back. I actually was counting down the days until I never had to worry about them again.
And then Sasd got sick. Not really, really sick (like she had to go to the hospital), but had a slight cold. As you're probably aware, it's not a good idea to get on a plane if you have a cold. It could cause permanent ear damage. So Kelz was able to get a delay on the air travel.
But there was a problem. Mr. & Mrs. B had planned a vacation to start right after Kelz and Sasd were supposed to leave. (I guess they felt they REALLY needed that.) They couldn't delay their trip. So Kelz asked me if she and Sasd could stay with me while they went on their trip. I really wasn't in a position to say no. This meant they were moving back in with me.
Kelz said that in return, I would only need to pay her back half the money she loaned me. That was going to help. After all, this was supposed to be temporary until Sasd felt well enough to get on the plane. This wasn't going to be like when Kelz moved back in when she was pregnant. However, we didn't have a set expiration date for this. I had no control over the travel arrangements and I guess it was Kelz who did. This was all going to have to be per her schedule. This was one thing I didn't consider.
So they moved in with me and Mr. & Mrs. B left on their vacation. And Kelz and I began what would become the final phase of our relationship.
Apparently, a decision was made that Kelz and Sasd needed to go back to Iowa to move back in with her grandmother. A plane ticket was purchased and plans were made. They were supposed to leave on a specific day at a specific time and there was no turning back. I actually was counting down the days until I never had to worry about them again.
And then Sasd got sick. Not really, really sick (like she had to go to the hospital), but had a slight cold. As you're probably aware, it's not a good idea to get on a plane if you have a cold. It could cause permanent ear damage. So Kelz was able to get a delay on the air travel.
But there was a problem. Mr. & Mrs. B had planned a vacation to start right after Kelz and Sasd were supposed to leave. (I guess they felt they REALLY needed that.) They couldn't delay their trip. So Kelz asked me if she and Sasd could stay with me while they went on their trip. I really wasn't in a position to say no. This meant they were moving back in with me.
Kelz said that in return, I would only need to pay her back half the money she loaned me. That was going to help. After all, this was supposed to be temporary until Sasd felt well enough to get on the plane. This wasn't going to be like when Kelz moved back in when she was pregnant. However, we didn't have a set expiration date for this. I had no control over the travel arrangements and I guess it was Kelz who did. This was all going to have to be per her schedule. This was one thing I didn't consider.
So they moved in with me and Mr. & Mrs. B left on their vacation. And Kelz and I began what would become the final phase of our relationship.
Monday, October 9, 2017
Unsettling News
Kelz called me up one day. "Hey, I'm pregnant. And it's yours!"
The first thought that entered my mind was: "THAT'S FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE! I USE CONDOMS! EVERY! SINGLE! TIME! AND YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE! I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT I'M THE FATHER!"
But I managed to keep these thoughts inside my head. I asked her what she wanted to do. "I want to get an abortion. I've already made an appointment to get one."
I thought, "Okay, end of discussion. She's already made the choice. I'm not going to stop her. I don't have a problem with this because I know full well I'm not the father." I asked for the appointment details. She told me when and where it was and that she wanted me to come pick her up afterward. I agreed to give her a ride home.
Since she had already planned the abortion, I wondered why she felt the need to tell me I was the father, particularly considering that I was likely not going to believe her. Did she think I would talk her out of it if I thought the baby was mine? She wasn't going to be able to pull that charade for very long because we were apt to have another situation like Sasd, in which it would have been very obvious I wasn't the father.
And I wondered if she had said anything to Ned. By this point, this guy had completely disappeared out of the picture, never to be heard from again.
Regardless of the knowledge that it wasn't mine and that Kelz had supposedly had prior abortions, I was still concerned about her. A singer-songwriter I knew in San Diego once wrote a song called, "After an Abortion." Seriously, it's one of the scariest songs I've ever heard. The artist details every range of emotion and feeling a woman experiences after having an abortion. Before I heard that song, I'd never given much thought about the mental impact the procedure would have on a woman. I just figured a woman decides to do that and it's done and over with. She just moves on with her life.
Some time ago, a Facebook "acquaintance" of mine was posting about the topic of abortion. He mentioned that he had gotten a few girlfriends pregnant in the past and each time, they had a logical discussion and decided that an abortion was the right thing to do. My thinking was, "Do you not know about the emotional toll the woman has to pay? Did none of these women express their feelings afterward? I'm guessing not, because if you had any idea what they were going through, you'd take measures to make sure you never put another woman in that position!"
I arrived at the clinic. Kelz was waiting outside. I got out of my car and went up to her. We held each other for a minute without saying anything.
As she got into my car, I asked her how she was doing. She said she was okay. I didn't press for any more information, but I could only imagine what she was thinking.
She also told me that the doctor said she couldn't have sex for six weeks. I saw this as a positive. No more giving into my urges and then feeling guilty about it afterward.
I dropped her off at Mr. & Mrs. B's and drove home. I didn't know how this was going to affect her in the long run, and I never did find out. The possibility that I had gotten her pregnant was never a topic of discussion ever again.
The first thought that entered my mind was: "THAT'S FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE! I USE CONDOMS! EVERY! SINGLE! TIME! AND YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE! I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW FOR A FACT I'M THE FATHER!"
But I managed to keep these thoughts inside my head. I asked her what she wanted to do. "I want to get an abortion. I've already made an appointment to get one."
I thought, "Okay, end of discussion. She's already made the choice. I'm not going to stop her. I don't have a problem with this because I know full well I'm not the father." I asked for the appointment details. She told me when and where it was and that she wanted me to come pick her up afterward. I agreed to give her a ride home.
Since she had already planned the abortion, I wondered why she felt the need to tell me I was the father, particularly considering that I was likely not going to believe her. Did she think I would talk her out of it if I thought the baby was mine? She wasn't going to be able to pull that charade for very long because we were apt to have another situation like Sasd, in which it would have been very obvious I wasn't the father.
And I wondered if she had said anything to Ned. By this point, this guy had completely disappeared out of the picture, never to be heard from again.
Regardless of the knowledge that it wasn't mine and that Kelz had supposedly had prior abortions, I was still concerned about her. A singer-songwriter I knew in San Diego once wrote a song called, "After an Abortion." Seriously, it's one of the scariest songs I've ever heard. The artist details every range of emotion and feeling a woman experiences after having an abortion. Before I heard that song, I'd never given much thought about the mental impact the procedure would have on a woman. I just figured a woman decides to do that and it's done and over with. She just moves on with her life.
Some time ago, a Facebook "acquaintance" of mine was posting about the topic of abortion. He mentioned that he had gotten a few girlfriends pregnant in the past and each time, they had a logical discussion and decided that an abortion was the right thing to do. My thinking was, "Do you not know about the emotional toll the woman has to pay? Did none of these women express their feelings afterward? I'm guessing not, because if you had any idea what they were going through, you'd take measures to make sure you never put another woman in that position!"
I arrived at the clinic. Kelz was waiting outside. I got out of my car and went up to her. We held each other for a minute without saying anything.
As she got into my car, I asked her how she was doing. She said she was okay. I didn't press for any more information, but I could only imagine what she was thinking.
She also told me that the doctor said she couldn't have sex for six weeks. I saw this as a positive. No more giving into my urges and then feeling guilty about it afterward.
I dropped her off at Mr. & Mrs. B's and drove home. I didn't know how this was going to affect her in the long run, and I never did find out. The possibility that I had gotten her pregnant was never a topic of discussion ever again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)