One Friday in January 1996, Kelz asked me to drive her to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting in Escondido. I took her, expecting to wait outside in the car for about an hour while she attended. I was surprised when we arrived and she asked me to come in. I asked, "Are you sure? I'm under the impression that you're not supposed to go to these things unless you're trying to recover." She said it would be okay. I'm guess that since I already looked like a drug addict with the long hair, I would fit in and no one would know I didn't belong unless I opened my mouth.
At the time, I had one of those detachable sound systems in my car. I pulled it out of the shaft and put it under the seat. Kelz laughed about it because she knew I didn't trust the types of people who went to these meetings. I just hoped that no one going into the meeting saw what I did.
I guess Kelz asked me to attend because she wanted me to see that she was not the only struggling with this problem and I needed to be more sympathetic with her. I know I tried to be as understanding as possible, but I probably said something here and there regarding my impression of drug addicts, especially the ones she claimed had been coming to the apartment.
We went inside. There were probably about a hundred people there. There weren't enough chairs, so several were standing on the sides of the room. A lot of them looked like they didn't want to be there. No one was smiling and there was very little conversation among the attendees.
While we were waiting for it to start, the following thought occurred to me: If I were to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I would find that were probably several people who were in there because they had broken the law and alcohol may have played a factor. It could have been an auto accident, a bar fight or running down the street naked. But there would probably be some people who were in there who hadn't run afoul of the law. Maybe they realized alcohol was tearing their family apart or perhaps there was an intervention to convince the individual to seek help. However, at an NA meeting, every single person who was there for legitimate purposes had broken the law, regardless of whether or not they were arrested.
This was a typical 12-step program and the meeting started with everyone reciting the 12 steps. Instead of voices speaking in unison, like in church, everyone just kind of mumbled it. If they hadn't been posted on a banner at the front of the room, I would have had no idea what the 12 steps were by listening to them.
There was someone who was sort of leading the meeting. He talked about the positive aspects of sobriety. And then it was time for the testimony. A few people spoke about their experiences. I remember there were three people who shared similar stories. They all said that if they wanted to stay clean, they couldn't hang out with their friends anymore. Their friends were still doing drugs and they would be apt to talk them into using again. They felt very vulnerable and very susceptible, but expressed that it was the price they had to pay for being clean and working toward a better life.
When I listened, I got the idea that the undercurrent of these stories was that they hated being clean, they hated that they couldn't see their friends and that they hated that they couldn't make new friends because if they didn't do drugs, they didn't have anything in common with them. It appeared that they were rather fragile and could easily fall back into their old habits if given the opportunity.
No one had any stories about how they got started. I can only assume they began their addictions because of friends. These were probably the same friends they still wanted to see. I know that if I had friends who knowingly led me on a path to self-destruction, I wouldn't want to be friends with them any more.
I was not one to judge. I would never know what they've been through and what they have to do to get better.
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